ahmt

library closing

2009-09-15T21:20:00.003-04:00

i know public libraries throughout the country have been cutting hours or even closing for good, but i only thought that happened in small towns. my sister just informed me today that the philadelphia free/public libraries are closing because of governmental budget issues. it's astounding because this is happening in one of the most historical cities in america. it's not exactly a small city either. it's kind of devastating in terms of what it means for the city, how much financial trouble it must be in. what else will the city by cutting next? it has to be so stressful on a psychological level for the city. they can't just cut their hours; they have to close their doors completely. even tiny towns can group and scrape together to get a collection of books to lend to the public at large for free. i can't fathom living in a community with no public libraries, and it breaks my heart for all philadelphians, especially in this economy when the public needs all the assistance there is. i hope something will happen between now and october 2, when the libraries are due to close, that will prevent this tragedy.

alone to write

2009-09-12T22:07:00.005-04:00

r left for an out-of-town job a couple of weeks ago. while i cherish my time alone, i miss r immensely. a friend, whose boyfriend left town for a few months to finish his degree, came over for brunch today. no one else would have listened to our anguish with the same sympathetic ears.

i made a tofu-based vegan frittata with swiss chard which turned out deliciously. i stole the recipe from a copy of isa chandra moskowitz's vegan brunch at borders. fruit and french-pressed coffee were served on the side. it felt really wonderful to cook for someone.

as a joke, we had planned to commiserate. in actuality, we ended up doing just so. my friend is quite a few years younger than me so their relationship is at a different stage than r and me. they had just started living together and have a good few years to be by themselves before their biological clocks start ticking. r and i are getting really close to settling down and starting to plan a family. in fact, we are in the midst of procuring a loan to purchase a condo in boerum hill, brooklyn. but we miss our respective men just the same.

after we ate and caught up, we met another friend of mine in central park. d and i had discovered crossing the line festival was happening today, and bento boxes made by some of our favorite chefs would be available. unfortunately, the weather was dreary with misting rain, and the distribution of bento boxes was terribly organized. the festival workers were made to wear these food trays, like the ones you'd see the popcorn guy wear at the baseball stands, and walk around the field to pass out the boxes. the notion of free food (or free anything), however, unleashed everyone's primal instinct. people savagely rushed to the workers and extended their hands like the beggars they would normally abhor and shirk from. my friends and i stood in our little huddle, merely hoping the workers would find us as the only civilized human beings left in the crowd and award us with the precious bento box. but as soon as one of them was just steps from reaching us, the other people would immediately surround the poor worker. we ended up with no bento box to taste but managed to enjoy a piece of chocolate (too sweet for my taste although understandably delectable), and as the crowd dispersed, we saw the bento box in all its glory on one of the tables, on display for photographers.

satisfied with a glimpse of what we had missed, we parted ways. i walked downtown along the eastern edge of the park and passed one art museum after another that reminded me of r. first, it was the cooper hewitt where we had our second date, and after the museum that day, we had our first kiss. then, it was the guggenheim where we went over the summer for the 50th anniversary celebratory exhibition of frank lloyd wright's achievements, from within outward, on a pay-as-you-wish afternoon. it had been my first visit to that museum. lastly, i passed the met. we were heading for it, by cutting through central park, on the day r proposed to me. i kept ducking under my umbrella to hide my face as it kept reaching the brink of bursting into tears. i cut across the park at 72nd street and popped into whole foods in the time warner building for a bit of distraction before ending up at home, alone.

i'm a good loner. i enjoy having time to myself. it doesn't take much to keep me away from boredom and nonsense. but ever since r, being alone gets harder and harder each time he takes an out-of-town job. it's not that i need to be around people now. i just need him in my presence. i haven't been sleeping well because of him. it feels strange to sleep in a bed meant for two when only one side is occupied. but he has booked his flight to return to new york for a weekend at the end of this month, which is just a couple of weeks away. i can't wait.

tragic loss

2009-05-27T22:17:00.002-04:00

while at work, one of my supervisor informed me that one of our co-worker's father passed away last night. i was saddened but only later in the day did it hit me. in the afternoon, as a reprieve from the maddening busy day, i checked facebook. someone i know posted something about ronald takaki passing away. only when i saw takaki then did i realize that he might be our co-worker's father. i looked up ronald takaki and saw our co-worker listed as one of the surviving children in an article. then, my memories of ronald takaki slowly resurfaced.

i think he was a keynote speaker at an asian american conference one of my best friends put together in college. either i was taking a course in asian american history that semester or had just finished it in the previous semester. ronald takaki wrote what is considered a bible on asian american history, strangers on a distant shore. as one of our textbooks, i read it cover to cover, probably the only textbook i read so thoroughly. i remember admiring the way he wasn't angry with the establishment but simply laying out the information, not disguising the injustice, and giving dignity to those who endured the tough times. it definitely had an effect on my decision to make a documentary about angel island for my senior thesis. wherever it was i remember him from, he was so jovial and easy-going. he talked about having grown up in hawaii and hanging ten on the waves. i think i stood in line and got his autograph for my book.

having realized this personal connection, my day grew sadder. i am sad that such a monumental figure on an inclusive version of american history has passed away. i am sad for my co-worker, whom i have yet to meet, to lose a father whom i imagine had been fun to grow up with.

engagement

2009-04-12T23:10:00.004-04:00

r was back in new york for a weekend trip a couple of weeks ago. he got in on friday night, and i had ordered thai food, at his request, for when he walked in the door. even after having been with him for over a year and a half, it still takes my breath away to see him after a period of separation. we happily ate up the thai take out and went to bed.

the next day, i made german pancake and cooked up sausages from esposito for brunch. esposito is a basic butcher shop and makes the most delicious, flavorful sausages. they are also amazing friendly, just as you would expect a neighborhood butcher shop to be. then, r asked me what i wanted to do that day. i told him that it was really up to him because he was only back for the weekend. but he kept making me make the plans. so i suggested seeing the walker evans and the picture postcard exhibit at the met and that we could walk there by cutting through central park. he agreed but also wanted to head down to the east village afterward to hang out in his old 'hood.

we headed into the park. it was a beautiful day so the park was packed with joggers and pedestrians. we kept to the busy route for a while, but then he started leading me down a more secluded path. i've gotten lost in the park before so i was a little hesitant but then figured i would just blame it on him if we got lost. a little way down the path, all of a sudden, he stepped off the walkway to stand in front of a large rock. he turned to me and said, "come over here." i complied, thinking he just wanted to take advantage of the gorgeous weather and the romantic surrounding to share a kiss. but he simply took me hands into his and asked, "will you marry me?" i was completely taken by surprise, not expecting him to ask for another year or two.

it took me a moment to realize what just happened. i replied, "really?" he nodded. "yes!" then, i sobbed the happiest tears, uncertain if i could stop crying, the second time in my life when i thought i would never stop crying although the other time was tears of grieve. we kept hugging and crying. one jogger aw-ed us as he passed us. i confessed that i had hoped for this moment, and he confessed that he had been thinking about it for a while. he reassured me that he was certain about his proposal, and i reassured him that my "yes" was certain. i also asked if this meant i could change my status on facebook. he laughed and said yes. only later did i realize that he didn't even have a ring on him at the time. i called my sister, my mom, and my father. my mom started crying on the phone so then i started crying again.

after the phone calls, we stopped at the boat house, which we were near, and got drinks to gather ourselves. but as we sat there, we talked about our relationship and our feelings for each other, and i started crying again. my eyelids ended up developing slight rashes the next day from the exposure to the salty tears and cold wind. i sent a text of the news to my dearest friends.

when we finished our drinks, we continued our way to the met. the walker evans exhibit was wonderful and made me fall in love with him as a human being and artist, to see how very simple things inspired him to see the bigger world so beautifully. we had dinner at purnima that evening, indian being r's favorite cuisine. we were blown away by the meal, this having been our first time there.

the next day, we had dimsum for brunch with my dad in chinatown. then, he had to fly back to new orleans late afternoon. unfortunately, his flight was delayed for 6 hours at jfk because of the bad weather conditions. but he made it back safely.

and he was back this weekend for a 3-day weekend. he arrived home friday around 11a, and i had german pancake and sausages in the works for him. that evening, we went to west village to look into a gym membership he had started in the area and then onto dinner at en, a japanese restaurant nearby. it was one of the most wonderful meals, consisting of what i would guess to be japanese comfort food, a heavenly combination of the sea and earth. yesterday, we traveled up to marlboro, ny where r's brother lives. r's brother had suggested that i choose one of their grandmother's rings as my engagement ring. i will post a picture of it after we have it cleaned and resized.

we had to rush back to the city that afternoon for r's interview. it was actually for a position on the project i'm currently working on in the city. of course, he was offered the job at the end of the meeting and arrived home ecstatic. it would be an opportunity to work with people he has admire from early in his career. we decided to celebrate with indian for dinner again, but this time, we ordered delivery from purnima, which was just as delicious as we remembered it.

then, this morning, we had brunch at benny's burritos in east village. the reason r had brought up east village on his last trip home was because he had wanted to propose in tompkins square park. it was one of the places we went to on our first date, and we had spent a lot of time in the area at the beginning of our relationship because it was where he lived at the time. but we have special memories from central park as well, summer concerts and hamlet in the park. besides, he knew he was going to pop the question that weekend and was too anxious to wait until we made it to east village. so after brunch, we walked past tompkins square park and through east village to union square.

he flew back to new orleans this evening, having just called to say he landed safely. so now, i can go to bed and sleep in peace.

sadness

2009-03-24T23:02:00.003-04:00

today, while waiting for my flight at the denver airport, i came across the obituary for nicholas hughes in the new york times. he had hung himself. i was surprised to find myself on the verge of tears reading about his life. having grown up surrounded by so much tragedy (his mother, sylvia plath, the famous poet committed suicide, and his stepmother committed murder suicide with his stepsister), it made me wonder if he had ever lived a moment of his life without pain. maybe that was why he was attracted to fishery, having been a fisheries biologist in alaska. creatures so simple and beautiful, not having to endure sadness, an instinctive bond to travel and stay with others in schools, it's poetic to have chosen that field of work and life, a life of being in and near water, the tranquility of nature. he left behind his sister, frieda. i hope she has found or will continue to find something to live for and hold onto it.

afternoon at the post office

2009-03-14T00:09:00.003-04:00

the last document finally arrived in the mail today to complete my set of tax materials to send to my accountant. i found it in the mail box at around 3p. so i immediately printed out my other finalized documents and organized what i needed to make copies of. i ran to kinko's down the block. then, i ran down a few more blocks to the post office.

when i arrived, there were two long lines of people, each at least ten deep. i quickly stuffed, labeled, and sealed a priority mail envelope and hopped in one of the lines. i picked the one being served by three open windows than the line for only two open windows. while i waited, i noticed that an elderly gentleman a couple of people ahead of me was extremely chatty. he was mostly commenting on the number of people in the post office today. it was around 4p on a friday so the lines were not a surprise. then, i realized he was talking to the guy with facial piercings in front of him specifically.

it turned out that guy with the piercings had to catch a flight and was getting antsy about the wait. the elderly man, in his eastern european accent, began to ask every person ahead of them in line if they would allow the guy with the piercings to cut in front of them. someone started chuckling as the elderly man was making the small scene. i thought it was very brave and thoughtful of elderly man to make the effort to help a stranger. everyone yielded.

the guy with the piercings received instructions from the postal worker at the window to package item appropriately and set off to do so. the elderly man kept watching over him and pointing out how he needed to put more tape on the box. it was as if he had taken on this stranger on as his own son. the guy with the piercings finally finished sending out his package and thanked the elderly man on his way out. the elderly man, then, took his turn at the window and started to chat up the postal worker at the window.

the guy ahead of me in line noticed that the elderly man was just chatting too. he waited until the elderly man had finished his transaction and impatiently walked up to the window to nudge him out of the way. the elderly man didn't take offense at all; he actually apologized for talking too much as he left.

as i waited my turn and witnessed this commotion, i realized that this post office is one of the few in the city that does not have the bullet-proof glass windows. you can hand the postal worker your package directly, not through a cage. the postal worker who helped me was a little annoyed at first when i did not know the amount of stamps i had place on the envelope. there was a set of first class stamps the post office sold that did not indicate their value so i could not tabulate the stamps. it turned out that i still owed a little bit more. as we tried to figure out how to make up for the difference, whether to add more stamps that i had with me or just pay, i made a comment that i will do which ever was the fastest because the people behind me in line were getting agitated. then, the postal worker actually laughed and said that you can never please those people. it was as if she melted from an icy postal worker into a warm human being. we exchanged a pleasant good bye, and as i left the window, i heard grumblings about the long lines. i want to say to these people, "this is new york on a friday afternoon. of course there will be long lines. everyone is doing their best, and there's nothing you can do. you might as well just make the best of it." but i didn't. i would just sound naive and annoyingly cheerful. so i exited the building and hurried back to my apartment.

last days in nola

2009-03-13T17:49:00.004-04:00

i returned to new york a couple of days ago with some pretty delicious last meals from new orleans. we made it to dick and jenny's and were presented with a new spring 2009 menu. it was a great menu, but we felt a little sore that we had missed their previous menu just days before. to think that we could've tried their winter 2008 AND spring 2009 menus! but we sucked it up and ordered their louisiana seafood pie, grilled beef tenderloin, bronzed flounder, and key lime pie. i'm just realizing we started and ended the meal with pies! it guaranteed us a great meal, which it was. all our plates were pretty much cleaned up even though i know you're supposed to leave a bite of food to be polite. but we could not waste even a morsel of food that's so delicious.

it turned out that r had to work the last saturday i was in town. we went to elizabeth's, a local joint, for breakfast. their specialty is poached eggs, which is my favorite. i had it with fried green tomatoes and hash browns. r had the carolina shrimp and grits. one of my eggs were poached hard and the other one soft, which i found a little odd, but the overall meal was good. r's food was really good; the broth in the shrimp and grits made the dish.

later that evening, we ended up forgoing jacque-imo's to join r's work friends to see the watchmen. we were all uncertain what to think of the movie at the end of the viewing. i'd only gotten into about a quarter of the novel a couple of years ago when i had to leave town for a job (actually the job on which i met r) and suspect that the story might be a tough one to translate well on-screen because it's so unconventional. there isn't one character to follow, and the story is so hypothetical, almost as if as a movie, the story became too real to digest whereas it's easier to accept as a graphic novel. we thought the design elements (sets, costumes) were very intriguing though, framed around a world in which nixon was still president in the 80s.

the next morning, r took me to the airport. i came back to new york and started missing r again.

thanksgiving 2008

2009-03-06T15:06:00.011-05:00

r took me to orlando, fl this past thanksgiving to spend the holiday with his family. his gravitation to new york city stems from having grown up on a ranch/farm; he felt he had already lived the rural lifestyle and wanted to experience the urban life. i had met his mother on her visits to new york and a previous short trip to orlando but had never seen her ranch, located just outside of orlando. i am just realizing i didn't take any pictures of her place! argh!

she has two horses (at the time, she had three, but one of them passed away around christmas so she now has two), four border collies (r's favorite breed), a parakeet, and a greenhouse where she has been growing ponytail palms as a business venture. she lives there by herself and takes care of the entire six acres pretty much single-handedly when she isn't on nurse duty at the local hospital or teaching at the community college.

her parents and sisters live around the orlando area and convened at her house for thanksgiving. i found it kind of odd but endearing that they all kept commenting on my prettiness. i guess it's a southern politeness, but i would've thought that being a nice person is more important for r's well-being and happiness than being a pretty girl. but it's one of life's graces to learn to accept compliments.

with the exception of r and me, having just traveled the evening before, everyone contributed to the meal which was delicious. i might've even had too much turkey because i had to excuse myself for a three-hour nap.

later in the day, r met up with an old friend from high school while i stayed at his mom's house and looked through some old photographs and newspaper clippings from his childhood. the local newspaper had a picture of r in the eighth grade, standing next to a mural he had painted at his middle school, something he had initiated at that young age. i was so impressed he had this drive and focus to make art so early on in life; he had never mentioned the mural to me before. r's mom also showed me other pictures of his earlier artwork which included winning prizes at regional shows and having been commissioned by local businesses. i felt a little overwhelmed by how deeply his love for art has always been.

the next day, we took his grandmother out for lunch, a break from her nursing home, and to visit his other set of grandparents in their new home. they had become great friends once they had become in-laws, and the friendship lasted even into r's grandmother's dementia. she became so alive as soon as she saw her old friends and reminisced about their younger days. we went for a short walk to the edge of lake apopka. the waters are now polluted, from having been treated as a chemical dumping ground, but had once been a huge fishing attraction, particularly for bass. the community and government are slowly working to clean up the lake. it is a peaceful neighborhood that i hope r's grandparents will enjoy.

for our last day of the trip, r took me to new smyrna beach. r had grown up going to jb's fishcamp and restaurant with his father who knew the owner, jb. he has always stated that their crabcakes were unbeatable. knowing that i shared his love of seafood, we feasted there. the restaurant draws almost all of their seafood from the water just behind the building:

people docking at the restaurant for a meal

we had our sleeves rolled up and dug into oysters, crabcakes, grilled fish, hush puppies, steamed shrimp, and steamed crabs. it was all fresh off the boat, simply prepared as to not ruin fresh seafood, and incredibly delicious. after our huge meal, we went for a walk along the beach. the sun happened to be on the verge of setting so the sky flushed with hints of pinks:

birds running from the waves

then poking their beaks into the sand as the waves retrieve

someone fishing

he might've caught something!

birds teaming up for their hunt for food in this turbulent setting of crashing waves

more birds

amazing sky at sunset

an unexpectedly romantic setting

our foot prints

imagining if we owned one of these houses and got to see sunsets like this every evening...

when we returned to the parking lot, we spotted these old cars:

i bet these drivers all know each other and decided to get together for some great seafood at jb's and discuss their cars and whatnot.

we left early the next morning, having this incredible day as our freshest memory of the trip. it was a lot of fun, but part of me felt a little guilty for not having spent this holiday with my family. but annual holidays are just like birthdays: they will come along next year. there will be opportunities to spend them differently over and over again. maybe next year, r will get to try my mom's awesome chinese cooking.

new orleans again

2009-03-05T16:27:00.005-05:00

r started a job in new orleans last week, and i've been here since last friday just to keep him company and make the transition easier for him. he's gotten at least one job per year in nola since 2004. it's pretty ridiculous considering he's based out of new york.

since i've arrived, it's been a series of deja vu. luckily, i had just missed mardi gras. it's not so much fun when you can't drink so you actually notice all the vomiting that occurs around you. also, strings of beads being pelted at your head is scary. but the company that hired r this time placed him in the same hotel as the last company who hired him. in fact, we think he had been placed in the same room last year.

r had been looking for a place to move to so that he wouldn't have to spend all three months of his stay in nola in a hotel. last night, he signed the lease and received the key to a loft apartment just blocks away. so we decided to go ahead and make the move. the act of moving out of the hotel was also oddly familiar since we had done the same thing last year, after having stayed at that hotel, possibly that same room, for a while. but this apartment is one that r hasn't stayed at before although the color scheme and style of furniture resembles that of one of the apartments we lived in last year.

while r is at work during the day, i've been roaming around the area a bit. everything is still pretty much the same as last year although the city feels more deserted this time. maybe i'm not remembering well, but i thought there had been more pedestrians in the french quarters, more tourists. i've heard there's been a spike in crime (a serial rapist who targeted tulane female students was caught not long ago) so i've been more cautious in my current ventures. (to be fair, however, there's been a spike in crime in new york as well. but on second thought, new york does not have a feeling of desolation in the middle of the day.)

but the mission for this trip is to revisit all the delicious restaurants. our first stop was herbsaint where we had baked oysters and beef short rib on potato cake as our appetizers and moved onto their special of flouder with pickled turnips and greens and their duck leg confit with louisiana rice. the meal was superb.

the next day, a saturday, r had to work. total bummer. but we met for lunch near his office at juan's flying burrito. we shared chips and guacamole which tasted freshly prepared. then, he had the western chicken burrito, and i had the super green burrito with lots of delicious veggies.

later that evening, after going through our list, we hit cochon, which is owned and run by the same chef, donald link, as herbsaint. we really had to rein ourselves from over-ordering and settled on sharing the fried boudin, fried rabbit livers, paneed pork cheeks, their mahi-mahi special small plate, the ham hock entree with sweet potatoes, pickled greens, and black-eyed peas, and a side of lima beans. i actually prefer cochon over herbsaint because it seems to have a more casual atmosphere, and the food is more adventurous. the mahi-mahi special was probably the least impressive although still delicious. everything else had the perfect balance of meatiness, sweetness, and acidity. i love that this place makes use of all parts of the pig to their fullest ability, and their menu reflects that.

the next day, we started off with brunch at surrey's cafe and juice bar, which had become a weekly routine last year. i believe their orange-pineapple juice is a staple on their menu, but they had a special cactus juice that r tried. it was super refreshing, just slightly sweet. r went with one of their daily specials, a mexican frittata, and i chose the migas with chorizos. the food is just as fresh and delicious as i remembered it.

that evening, we finally got vietnamese food. with the except of three afternoons, r and i had vietnamese at kim anh's for lunch everyday. so i associated incredible vietnamese food with nola in that twisted way (as opposed to cajun cuisine). we went to tan dinh on the west bank and walked out satisfied, r with pho ga and i with korean bbq ribs bun in the tummy and leftover roasted pork in a flour roll.

early in the week, we walked a couple of blocks to lucy's for convenient yet delicious fish tacos. i felt a little guilty for getting them since grouper is one of the fish you should avoid, but i got over it quickly. there's a reason that the chinese rates grouper as one of the most edible worthy fish.

and last night, we finally made the trip to kim anh's for vietnamese egg rolls and combination pho with sliced beef, meatballs, and chicken. it gave us the strength and motivation to rush back to the hotel, pack, and move everything of ours to the loft apartment. kim anh's has possibly the best pho. the broth is so rich in flavor, and the quality of their food is consistent. i only wish they had a branch within walking distance of the warehouse district so that i could repeat the daily feasting of their food this time around.

the places we have left on the list to taste are dick and jenny's and jacques-imo's. of course, if we have the time, i'll take mona's cafe and lebanon's cafe for some great hummus and falafels. the gastronomic adventures of nola is to be continued.

gastronomic birthday

2009-02-01T19:11:00.006-05:00

it's been a week-long birthday. actually two weeks long. as luck would have it, i landed a 4-day weekend, followed by a 3-day weekend, this month as my work week was slowly being shifted from a friday-tuesday schedule back to a monday-friday schedule.

WEEK 1

so last week, i took advantage of the 4-day weekend to visit b & d in philadelphia. i took the chinatown bus and arrived in philadelphia in the early afternoon. b & d live on the philadelphia antique row, antique store after antique store down their block. the whole neighborhood is very cute and nice. after setting down my bags, we headed out for some pho, a perfect dish on a cold winter day. r & i have yet to find good pho in new york; we are starting to believe vietnamese is one cuisine that new york does not offer a good restaurant of. we ate vietnamese everyday for lunch while we worked in new orleans last winter. it's good to know that philly pho is phantastic, being just a 2-hour bus ride away.

d had some work to finish up so b took me to the liberty bell and independence hall. it was quite a day to go: the day after obama's inauguration, having become citizens so recently, this 2008 election being the first election b & i ever voted in. it became unexpectedly emotional. we took a tour of the independence hall, and our guide was awesome. she told the stories of our founding fathers with great enthusiasm and knowledge. i took some pictures which i will post in a later entry.

that evening, we dined at a vegetarian chinese restaurant, none of us being strict vegetarians. but the food was surprising and delicious. we ordered seaweed pancakes, not knowing what to expect. what came out to our table were literally seaweed patties that have been lightly deep-fried. the natural chewy texture of seaweed made it fun to eat. then, we had spicy tofu and a dish of vegetables. the food tasted very clean but flavorful. i don't think we missed meat at all during that meal.

the next day, we started at morning glory diner. it's a cool little joint where coffee is served in stainless steel mugs. they specialize in frittatas which are served beautifully browned on the top, with a chunk of biscuit and a small cup of cooked apples, and i chose a side of grits. nothing fancy, just plain goodness.

then, d left b & me to do some random strolling around the city. we threw in some shopping although we didn't make any purchases. we stopped at a small cafe for some tea before heading back to b & d's apartment for pre-dinner nap. b & d took me to cochon as my early birthday dinner. they went for the tasting menu which included a cauliflower soup, skate on fennel salad, lamb, and crepe. i selected an arugula salad with beets, suckling pig with lentils and brussel sprouts, and shared a creme brulet. it was a decadent meal. we were glad for the walk home after our gluttonous pleasure-taking and then spent the rest of the evening in delirium.

then, friday was the day i headed back to new york. but before leaving, we ate breakfast at sabrina's cafe. the entrees were a little fancier than morning glory diner's and were tasty. but i prefer simpler fare for my first meal. at least, the service was great. we actually had stopped in fitzwater cafe where we stood just inside the front door for about 5 minutes, watching the hostess chit-chat with a table, not once acknowledging our presence. we went to the spices, coffee, and tea shop in the italian market area and grabbed a couple of $1 bags of teas. then, we went back to b & d's apartment for my bag and headed for the bus. as much as i missed r, it was a wonderful break from new york city. also, i've missed b & d terribly and was glad to be able to see and spend time with them.

WEEK 2

chinese new year arrived the following week, and my birthday according to the chinese calendar is the 3rd day of the new year. unwittingly, my co-workers planned a cupcake surprise for that day. i don't like making a deal of birthdays, maybe because i didn't grow up with birthday parties. birthdays were always a more intimate affair shared with just family. so i had warned my co-workers to not do anything. also, i'm not a big fan of sweets. but i unintentionally discovered an email in the general work email account about cupcakes. i blew their cover and thought they would ditch the plan. wednesday was a very snowy day anyway. but they went ahead and surprised me with vegan cupcakes, knowing that i'm lactose intolerant, and everyone on the project singing happy birthday. candles and all. i started scraping off the icing, because it was too sweet, and everyone started yelling that the cupcakes were vegan. i had to reassure them that i was aware but just found the icing too sweet. i definitely appreciated the thought and effort behind it though.

friday was my birthday according to the gregorian calendar (normal calendar). my 3-day weekend started on this day. i slept in, leaving r to his own defenses for breakfast and coffee. taking my time to get the day started, i finally left the apartment at around 2p, for a bit of shopping. i traveled a little uptown to look for a specialty store in search of a gift for someone. i wasn't sure what i'd find, but two items jumped out at me instantly as the perfect gifts. i was very glad to accomplish the mission so quickly and effortlessly.

i continued my shopping spree to origins where i received a birthday discount and bought one item for basically half price. i hopped onto the bus that stopped on the block and got off when i spotted a body shop. i also received a birthday discount there and bought one item for basically half price as well. just a few stores away was a barneys coop. i've had a store credit on a barneys card for years, from my first film job in los angeles. so i decided to stop in, just to see if i could use the card that day. i found a pair of jeans in an unusual shade of dark blue, and they happened to fit. i will need to shorten them a little, but that is nothing unusual. they were originally priced at $178, on sale for $59. i thought i had about $45 on the card so i figured i'd pay $15 for a pair of nice jeans. when i got to the register, the sales representative told me i had almost $100 on the card. so not only did i walk out with a free pair of jeans but also still more credit to spend. i was in such disbelief at my luck that i had to call b immediately; i was on a shopping high. then, i went to soho to look for a specific shirt by uniqlo. they didn't have exactly what i wanted but something close. and it was on sale for $6, normally for $16. so i bought it. then, i made my way into chinatown and headed home.

that night, r took me to craft for dinner. we had a late reservation, for 9p. r got us a cab to the restaurant, a luxury for me. we arrived about a half hour early and waited at the bar. we were admiring the decor, which was very simple but luxurious and well thought out, and people watching, a lot of the new york rich. but although it was obvious the restaurant usually catered only the super wealthy, they were still wonderfully nice and friendly to us. the staff exuded a sense of warmth that was very welcoming, smiles that seemed genuine to have you there for dinner.

we were quickly seated at a table pretty much in the center of the dining room. the table felt a little big; r seemed far away. but the size of the table made sense once our food arrived. to start off, we were presented with an amuse bouche: spoon bread topped with virginia ham served in a metal spoon with the handle beautifully curved into a delicate oval to stabilize it. the bite was full of flavors that played with each other in your mouth.

we ordered quail and a beets and tarragon salad as our first courses. r picked the salad, and i picked the quail because r had never had quail before. the beets salad was wonderful, lightly mixed in a mysterious vinaigrette that was heavenly. it turned out to be well balanced with the quail, which was served deboned except for the shin, allowing you to pick it up delicately. it was lightly seasoned and moist, perfectly cooked, allowing the natural flavor of quail to do its justice. then, our main courses consisted of monkfish, my choice, and the flat iron of steak, r's choice, with sides of gnocchi (r), brussel sprouts (me), and trompet royale mushrooms (me). there wasn't any description on the menu so we were pleasantly surprised by what came out. the monkfish was wrapped in prosciutto and accompanied by a bit of cream sauce and another deeply flavored sauce. there was what i guessed to be either seaweed or odd mushrooms with it. the monkfish had a great meaty texture, and the prosciutto added a complimentary flavor to it. the steak was light and cooked perfectly, topped with beans and accompanied with a bone marrow. the gnocchi were served in a creamy sauce so i only tried a couple of them. they had a great density and flavorful sauce. the brussel sprouts were roasted with bits of bacon so they were wonderful. the trompet royale mushrooms were tasty and meaty. we, then, ended the meal with a meyer lemon tart with a mint syrup and hibiscus granita. the tartness was a perfect way to end the meal, considering we were stuffed and almost passed on dessert. the whole meal was divine.

we noticed how well run the restaurant was. one side of the restaurant was the wine cellar which hid the kitchen. we loved the mesh that held each bottle in the racks. the other side of the restaurant was a soft half-dome shaped by thick slabs covered with smooth leather, hiding the dish-washing. we loved the use of exposed bulbs with specially enlarged wires inside them. i didn't think of making a visit to the restroom just to check it out. but r went and informed me that real hand towels were provided, not paper towels, and then tossed into a basket. r only had one criticism about the decor: should use a planters box instead of vases.

to keep the decadence going, we took a cab back home.

the next day, we had brunch at benny's burritos in the east village, our favorite weekend brunch place because of their food and affordability. we tried to walk around the area and into soho, but the cold made it too difficult. so we went home. i took an afternoon nap. then, we went for korean dumplings in koreatown, at mandoo bar, continuing on the theme of deliciousness and affordability. b was right: the kimchee dumplings were awesome.

the whole birthday celebration is finally dwindling. i'm not excited about turning 30 nor am i devastated. birthdays are just markers for another year past. but this birthday has been great because of the people in my life. they are worth celebrating.

old year, new year

2009-01-07T17:14:00.004-05:00

2008 had been a very eventful year: the first year of my life to share with a boyfriend, having moved twice, becoming a u.s. citizen, casting my first ballot in arguably the most historically groundbreaking presidential election ever (even though it still hasn't hit me how important obama's victory is; maybe it'll finally come to me when i have kids, and they ask me about the election when they study it in history class), gaining an official brother-in-law, having flown 5 times around the country for jobs, vacations, and holidays. i'm not sure if i can really catch up on everything.

becoming a u.s. citizen had brought up some questions within myself. i took the naturalization oath in a brooklyn courthouse. the room was filled with about 400 people, all there to become citizens that day. a man next to me got excited when someone started telling us about how we could still register to vote that day in the presidential election. like me, he wanted to have a say in the government he has to abide. most of the 4 hours were spent waiting for the judge to arrive. finally, she came and spoke nice words about how momentous this occasion was and how honored she was to preside over the ceremony. we had been given a flier with the oath of allegiance on it, and i looked over it before we actually did the oath taking. it starts off as such:

i hereby declare on oath, that i absolutely, and entirely, renounce and abjure all allegiance and fidelity to any foreign prince, potentate, state or sovereignty of whom or which i have heretofore been a subject or citizen...

it didn't affect me upon reading it in silence in my head. but when i had to say these words out loud, i found myself unable to make a sound; i froze. i felt my heartbreak, in having to voice my renouncement to what was once my home, the only i had known for the first eight years of my life, a place that had become part of my identity. i felt like i was being asked to betray myself.

there was no doubt that i wanted to become a u.s. citizen. i had no problem reading the rest of the oath. i just didn't realize how much it would hurt to have to give up my ties (albeit only in a governmental sense) when the time came. i felt hong kong ripped from me once, when it was handed back to china after almost a century of british governance. then, the pop stars i grew up idolizing (in a tween obsessed manner that evolved into a mature admiration as their careers took on a more serious direction) started to pass away. they had all been little chips in the core of me that i wasn't even aware of. having to vocally give it up cracked that core.

i know there's still a lot of hong kong that will always be a part of me, but this superficial identification wasn't as superficial as i thought it was. one's citizenship only defines their home according to a map, the invisible boundaries that certain people have created. but there really is no border; there are no edges; the planet is round.

so today, i went to the post office and applied for a u.s. passport. having to hand over my certificate of naturalization unnerves me only because i am afraid it might get lost. the post officer who helped me put through this application warned that it now can take up to three years to replace the document. but i just let it go.

i didn't know of true unhappiness until we immigrated to the u.s. i think this explains why i feel so strongly tied to hong kong while my feelings towards the u.s. is more ambivalent even though i've spent more of my life in the u.s. hong kong has been my childhood fantasy land. and i'm sure it has to do with my age at the time of immigrating as well. i was just about to turn eight. most people probably experience their first true moment of sadness right around then as children become more cognizant of their surroundings at that age. i am certain that i would've had to experience something devastating soon had we stayed in hong kong. but the way things have turned out, i associate happiness with hong kong and heartbreaks with the u.s. but as tough as it is to get over the heartbreaks, i persist.

a day off

2008-11-11T11:50:00.005-05:00

it's veteran's day, a holiday we weren't expecting to have off work. therefore, we've made no plans. our one true day off. we survived october.

r's grandfather made it through his heart complications. we've made plans to visit him and the rest of r's family in florida for thanksgiving. the apartment is starting to look more put together as we've unpacked bit by bit.

we didn't do anything for halloween. it was b's last weekend with us, having been gracious enough to come down to nyc from philadelphia, leaving behind her new hubby for a month, to help out on my current project. amazingly, we survived the month with her staying with us. we had a couple of fights, but being sisters, we just got over them. r felt a little anxious about them. i think he never really fought with his brother because they're more apart in age than b and me, and therefore, didn't really understand that we would just get over fights.

r's mom came to visit the day b left. we introduced her to ikea. we wanted to go for a small couch that we believe would actually fit through the door, unlike the bigger version where the movers were stuck in the hallway and ended up taking it back to the warehouse. the new couch now rests perfectly in our living room. r's mom had been trying to think of a way to redecorate one of the rooms in her house. she wanted to turn it into a craft room and was struck with tons of ideas during her visit at ikea. luckily, there's a branch in orlando, fl so she would be able to implement them when she returned home.

the next day, we took the train with her to r's brother's house. r's brother took us apple picking, my first time. picking an apple off a tree and biting into it immediately is one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. something so simple but felt so wondrous. it happened that my favorite kind of apples, fujis, were one of the two varieties left to pick for the season. they were so delicious. we brought home about ten pounds of it. i think there are still a couple of them left.

then, election day was quite a day. i had registered to vote, handing in my registration card in person to the board of elections, but never got anything in the mail to confirm that i would be able to vote. i got a little worried since this was my first time doing through this process, having become a citizen recently. after getting instructions from someone at the board of elections, my day went something like this:

i stood in line, thankfully a short line, at my polling site in midtown to acquire a certificate to obtain a court order. the woman who helped me was so kind and proud that i had become a citizen recently and made the effort to vote. i took the certificate downtown, to the board of elections, and plead before one of the judges standing by to grant me permission to vote. it was my first time sitting before a judge on a one-to-one basis. she gave me a written notice that allowed me to vote on an affidavit ballot and instructed me to re-register so this wouldn't happen again. when i turned in my second registration card, the woman behind the desk told me that i was supposed to have been given an absentee ballot. i wished it had been the case, but the information was too late. i took the notice from the judge back up to the polling site in midtown and stood in line again. the woman who had been helping earlier that morning was still there. so she set me up to do my affidavit ballot, and when i turned in my ballot to her, she and her co-worker applauded, for turning in my first ballot and for the effort i made that morning. i think she was more excited that i was. i just hope the next time will be much easier.

also, a friend of mine from tennessee just started on a job in the city. her employers set her up at a hotel only a few blocks away from r and me. i'm glad that she's staying at a place so close to ours so that it'll be easy to see each other. she was working on the same project that r and i met so seeing her has made me realize how far r and i have come.

i'm just glad that things have slowed down a bit. work has gotten more hectic, but it's nice that everything else has slowed down. r and i had a couple of tough moments, but it's kind of nice to know that we can be grumpy and not agreeable all the time to each other and still be okay. i'm going back to doing nothing now and will post my naturalization oath experience next time.

so there's more...

2008-09-26T18:12:00.002-04:00

this afternoon, i received in the mail a notification to take my naturalization oath just days before an extended deadline for new citizens to register to vote. theoretically, i should be able to fully participate in this year's presidential elections.

but minutes later, r called me to congratulate on the good news and to deliver some bad news: his grandfather has been hospitalized for a heart aneurysm. his mother and grandparents live in florida so it must be tough for him to not be there with them.

hasn't autumn already settled? no more things popping up for a while. it'd be nice to have an uneventful rest of the year.

new couch, apartment, and job

2008-09-25T14:50:00.014-04:00

a lot happened in the past few days that coincided with the changing of the seasons. if we're doing the "things happen in threes," then we should actually go back to two weekends ago.

r and i have been thinking about moving, not necessarily to any specific location but just not staying in bushwick. where we are in bushwick, there's not much around. r likes to have a wide variety of restaurants around, cool bars to stop by, and options on how to spend our leisure time in the neighborhood. that's not bushwick. we take the train out to manhattan for pretty much everything.

so after seeing some rental listings that interested us in the financial district, we decided to explore that area a bit. we liked the architecture and sense of history that the part of town imbued, but we felt that it would feel too desolate at night, as if everything there operates on wall street hours. we were there on a sunday afternoon and there were hardly any people on the streets:

we noticed a lot of sidewalk construction going on in the area.

hidden incline

almost deserted street

a section of pearl street where restaurants set up outdoors seating

but since we were also near the piers, i suggested that we take the ikea ferry into brooklyn. after all, it was free. r was game so off we went:

looking at some buildings in the financial district from the pier

pier 11 - where to catch the ikea ferry

big boats down the pier

birds

a seagull

view of brooklyn from the pier

ikea ferry schedule

ikea ferry - "furniture purchases cannot be used as floatation devices"

the brooklyn and manhattan bridges connecting the two boroughs

cranes on the brooklyn shore

2 other boats

sails

cruise ship - i've never seen one upclose; they are huge!

ikea - ikea had made a park at the pier it took over for its store

park at ikea pier

ikea lounge chairs

crane, no longer seems to be in use, at the ikea pier

part of an old bridge in the state of decomposition near the ikea pier

statue of liberty and a bit of governor's island

one of the four waterfalls by olafur eliasson

another one of the four waterfalls by olafur eliasson

a waterfall by olafur eliasson under brooklyn bridge

approaching manhattan skyline 1

approaching manhattan skyline 2

approaching manhattan skyline 3

we had been couch shopping the previous day and had looked at several stores in manhattan. r had originally snubbed ikea because he wanted a nice couch, one of really good quality and design. he doubted ikea for being known for selling cheap furniture. but we had no luck at those fancier stores and figured we'd check out ikea's selction while we were there. just as you would suspect, it was at ikea that r found one that he really liked. he purchased it on the spot. unfortunately, ikea didn't have any of that model in stock that day. we placed the order anyway and figured we would just wait until they get a new shipment.

in the subway station on our way back to bushwick for the night, we saw this sign:

"danger: 3rd rail alive" - alive like frankenstein?

the following weekend (last weekend), we figured we should start checking out some apartments that had caught our interest on craigslist. there was one in particular that looked like it had the amount of space, light, and configuration that we were looking for. we made an appointment with the broker, and it turned out that listing had false photographs. the broker claimed that the landlord was tricking people into going to the building only to offer another unit, much dingier than the unit in the photos. so he sent us to look at three other places that fit our criteria.

out of the three, we liked the first one we saw the most. in fact, we liked it immediately and only looked at the other two places just in case they could actually get better (they didn't). it felt spacious - 2 levels with the kitchen, full bathroom, and a living area on the first floor, and a bedroom with a wall-to-wall closet, another full bathroom, and a potential work room on the second floor (basement). oh, not to mention access to a private terrace from the first floor and to another terrace shared with a neighbor from the basement. the rent is a little on the pricey side - neither of us could afford it on our own - but with our powers combined, we can make it work. it's actually about the midpoint of our budget range. in fear that we could lose it by delaying a day, we applied for it that afternoon. we've been approved and signed the lease earlier this week. we're just waiting until we can get the keys. the delivery of the ikea couch will now be diverted to the new apartment.

also, i had to shuffle around some stuff in starting work next week. i had originally agreed to work on a tv pilot with someone i have worked with before and whom i really like working with. but then, i was contacted about another job, a feature film, that would start at the same time and one that would last three times as long. being a freelancer, you have to take the long jobs when you can. (r and a friend of mine concurred with this philosophy.) once i was extended an official offer to work on the feature film, i had to pull out of the tv pilot (luckily, that person was extremely understanding about it).

it's just days into autumn, and the chill has already crept into new york. i wonder if i can hold out on unpacking my cold weather clothes...

what is this world coming to

2008-09-15T18:34:00.003-04:00

i found this article today about how human activities are having unintentional consequences on ocean life. man-made noise pollution are drowning out the ability of whales, dolphins, and other sea creatures who rely on sound to communicate with each other, thus, posing dire effects on their survival. it reminds me of another article about the surge of orphaned elephants and the destruction of their social order, also due to human activities, that has turned this normally benign animals into raging killers, in my mind, much like the african children who had been torn from their families and turned into killing machines. the fact that all these things that human beings have done, invented/created to ease our livelihood and survival in this world, have such severe consequences on other creatures, makes me want to cry in shame, guilt, and helplessness.

upcoming presidential election

2008-09-15T17:43:00.004-04:00

the week before last, i had spent a few days in boston with my friends, p & d. p was on last week of maternity leave. since her mom was there as well, she took the afternoon off from being mommy-p to just being p. we went out to lunch and then to see the dark knight, which was even better the second time around because i caught things that i had missed the first time.

on our walk to harvard square, we started talking about sarah palin, whom we don't support. (i refuse to support anyone who doesn't support women's rights, especially when she is a woman herself. it makes no sense and shows how hypocritical she is.) we had been watching the week's worth of the daily show with jon stewart and the colbert report. as we walked and talked, a woman in front of us hung up her cell phone, turned to us, and said, "i know who you're talking about." p and i looked at each other, unsure of how to react to that statement. then, the woman said, "i hope you're not for palin," and proceeded to go on a rant about the her and the republican party.

she revealed that she had been a federal government employee and hated working under the bush administration. apparently, every time she logged into her work computer, she has to click "yes" to a statement asking if she will work in the best interest of the government to farm out as much work as possible to contractors. regardless of whether she agreed with that policy, she despised having to be forced to agree with it on a daily basis. she was so fired up in telling us how wrong she felt the republican party has treated this country that as we reached our parting ways, she apologized for having us listen to her tirade. we, of course, loved that it had happened, that people are becoming so impassioned about this election that they would reach out to strangers and share their views.

last night, r and i eavesdropped on two guys at the table behind ours, discussing palin's run for vice president. it's exciting to hear people talk about politics after all the talk accusing the american public how uninvolved they had been in previous election years. of course, being in boston and new york is partial. they're mostly democrat supporters. what i would find more interesting is to overhear what people are discussing in the mid-west and other areas of the country where they are more republican. nonetheless, this election seems to illicit more attention and participation than the previous two elections. maybe we now have more at stake, with wall street taking a huge hit today (announcement of the lehman brothers' bankruptcy, merrill lynch being bought out by bank of america, aig's close position to destruction) following a pattern of a troubling economy and the ongoing military involvement in the middle east, that people are paying closer attention. on one hand, yes, people getting impassioned by this election is exciting. on the other hand, however, it's almost as if it's only because this country is facing a dire situation that americans are finally listening up. i can't help but wonder if people had been this involved and paid this much attention the last two times, would we be in this situation.

on a side note, i received a notice from the ins that because i had failed to make my appointment to take my oath of naturalization, i will have to wait for further notice of a rescheduling. i never received the first notice of the oath to begin with. to think that having taken the oath would've secured my ability to vote! now, i have to wait and see if i can make it by election day. fingers-crossed!

rainy days and cigarette butts

2008-09-12T20:57:00.004-04:00

i had dinner plans with my father this evening. we were to meet at the canal/centre subway station in chinatown. chinatown is always a little gross with the wafts of day(s)-old-seafood odor hanging in the air and mysterious murky puddles that if one were to see some mutated creature emerging from their surface, he/she should not be surprised. but rain elevates this grossness to another level, and it was raining.

i arrived there early, and while waiting for him, a homeless man caught my attention. he started to yell about something. i was on the phone with l and so didn't really listen to what he was saying. but the bits of "you chinese" that i caught makes me think that it was somewhat racist. he's homeless probably because he has a mental illness though, and i would rather not antagonize someone who doesn't bathe and clean on a regular basis to avoid making any level of physical contact with them.

while scanning the crowd, looking for my father, i noticed a lit half-smoked cigarette had fallen to the ground. then, i saw the homeless man reaching for it. i had to hold up the magazine in my hand to avoid seeing what was going to happen but then had to look to confirm my suspicions. yes, he dropped it on the wet, nasty ground, picked it up, put it on his lips, and continued to smoke it. after a couple of puffs and more ranting, he dropped it again. the gesture seemed almost deliberate. i couldn't help but wonder if he found the cigarette tastier when dipped in street juice.

what is it with rain and cigarettes and crazy people?

labor day - parade and coney island

2008-09-08T18:04:00.012-04:00

this post is a little late as i have been out of town for a few days, thus, away from my computer:

for labor day, r and i met f to see the caribbean parade with the promise of coney island afterwards. the parade was more f's idea since she's from panama. r and i probably wouldn't have gone to it had it been up to ourselves. we're just not parade people. standing in a large crowds waiting to see "something" is not really our idea of fun. besides, f's mom didn't have a food stand at this event so the main attraction was not there. but i love f so we went:

the parade at washington and eastern parkway, in front of the brooklyn art museum

looked like a peacock

more parade

more parade

girl in costume

and then onto coney island!!! this summer is supposedly the last summer the amusement rides and games would still be there before the developers come in to demolish them. it's been the rumor for the past few years, but those years seem have run their course. we shall see if the rumor this year is true as we head into next year, if the coney island we saw this summer will remain the same or if we had been there at a historic season.

coney island - view from train

we took the q train to the coney island station

nathan's - our first stop, hard to imagine that the plan is to building condos onto of this structure - according to f, nathan's has been named as a historic landmark so it cannot be destroyed

our nathan's feast...or what's left of it

proof that hot dog vending machines do exist - had we not been filled with delicious greasy nathan's, we probably would've tried one

some like to roll in style

boardwalk

shadows of the three of us

boardwalk and park

in the park

music courtesy of the red boom box

we survived the cyclone!

at sunset

cops hanging out by a sign

the beach that none of us were brave enough to venture onto and we admire those who did

boardwalk at sunset

alley

games

beach at sunset

q train crossing the manhattan bridge on our way back to bushwick

i took most of these pictures blind, aiming without looking looking through the viewfinder to be inconspicuous. of course, these are only a selection of all the pictures i took, and some of these are cropped. still, taking pictures this way was easier than i thought it would be. about 80% of all the pictures were fine as they stood, without further manipulations. i owe this to using a digital camera, which i'm discovering affords me a certain liberty that my nikkormat couldn't.

palin with pregnant teenage daughter

2008-09-02T18:02:00.004-04:00

i can't help but automatically think of britney and jamie spears' mother when i think of palin, after hearing about the news of her 17-year-old daughter being pregnant and the emphasis that she will marry the baby's daddy. i know it's not an accurate comparison because palin has made a career for herself where as i'm not sure what spears' mom does...or if she does anything at all.

i think it's just my possibly inaccurate assumption that neither of these mothers made sure their daughters received intelligent sex education. the whole emphasis of a conservative lifestyle that insists on abstinence as the only form of birth control just blows my mind. maybe it's the lack of a seemingly proper education that encompasses a large, well-rounded volume of information that allows "white-trash" to pop into my mind, a term which i associate with the uneducated. of course, palin's daughter and her baby's daddy could've been using birth control, and this is one of those 2% chance accidents too.

north carolina

2008-08-30T14:29:00.009-04:00

i am back in new york, having spent the week in north carolina. it's always nice to visit that state. it's so lush and green, and i found myself not washing my hands obsessively as i do in new york. i don't cringe when i drop something on the ground and enter an internal debate as to whether i should just throw away the item or consider the possibility of salvaging it by wiping it down with bleach.

the main purpose of this trip was to attend my sister's wedding. i got in on friday afternoon and went to the rehearsal dinner that the groom's family threw for those who were in town. it was a nice precursor to the wedding because i had met only very few of d's family but have heard lots about all of them.

e & c were gracious enough to let me crash with them that night. they had recently moved from baltimore to durham and bought a house, an actual stand-alone house that's become a phenomenon to me. i've actually never lived in a stand-alone house before. my family had always lived in rented apartments, and my mom currently lives in a duplex where her side walls are shared with her neighbors. also, i've spent the past 6 years in los angeles and new york, living in cramped spaces, so my sense of a home has been warped, particularly compared to the american norm, which i think of as a house. e & c's house is lovely and wonderfully spacious with a woodsy backyard. i could hear crickets at night, standing on the porch.

saturday was the big day. i picked up r at the airport and headed to elmo's diner for brunch with e & c. then, r & i met my parents. it was the first time r met my mom, which went well, as i had expected. we headed to the hotel to check-in and to get ready for the wedding.

the wedding itself was very informal and small, just close family and friends. it wasn't even really a ceremony, more of a celebration. b & d had actually gotten married at the magistrate's the day before. the gathering was held at the horace williams house in chapel hill, they had the best north carolina-style bbq restaurant - bullock's - cater, and the strawberry shortcake was made by mad hatter's. they've known each other for about 10 years so it's been a long wait for all of us. the two of them put it together pretty much all by themselves, and only the day of did they ask their friends to pitch in and physically set up everything.

towards the end of the evening, a handful of us said a few words to the newly weds. k got everyone's attention and basically acted as the most awesome master of ceremonies. d's grandfather spoke first, sharing his wisdom on what makes a solid marriage. i then followed and teared up merely a third of the way through my short speech. d's brother went next, quoting some marriage adages. b's best friend from middle school said her words, sharing her experience with the couple since she's known them. and d's father ended the night with his speech as b & d cut the cake and champagne was passed around for the toast.

r had to leave the next day, having to return to work, but we were able to squeeze in some time on unc's campus, ncssm's campus, and duke gardens. here are some pictures from the gardens:

lily pond

couple of turkeys?

lamb's ears

maybe dandelions?

after my parents and i dropped off r at the airport, we headed to jacksonville. we took it easy on monday, not doing anything, and did hotpot for dinner:

it's one of my favorite meals because it's simple; thus, all the ingredients have to be fresh.

on tuesday, we went to hammock beach, one of the places i make a point to visit on almost every one of the trips i make to north carolina:

the dock where we arrive at bear island, the beach being on the other side of this island

an egret we spotted on the ferry ride

the beach

clear water

sea gulls keeping an eye out for anyone with food

overall, the trip felt very short but probably one of the happiest. i can finally refer to d as my brother-in-law after all these years. my mom finally met r and got along well. i got to see my friends and their new house. i was able to make it to the beach with the scrapes on my knees to prove it. and every night, my mom prepared the most delicious meals. but the vacation could only last so long, and it's good to be home too.

stuck in time

2008-08-20T17:52:00.003-04:00

i had no idea china still enforces re-education as a method of punishment. the new york times published an article today about two women in their 70s, who had been requesting a permit to hold a demonstration because of the little compensation they were given for beijing to tear down their houses for the olympics. the chinese government not only rejected their request but sentenced them to re-education.

i thought re-education was something that occurred just during the cultural revolution era, a punishment popular for the intellectuals and the elite. the idea was to "re-educate" them about the virtues of the proletarian life. they were sent to farms for years where they labored in agricultural work, under the supervision of farmers.

the notion that the government is sending two women, in their 70s, to be re-educated, which could entails laborious work and forced confessions, is cruel. it's frightening that china is becoming/has become a superpower, and things like this happen. i guess it's similar to the u.s. government that still allows trying juveniles as adults and sentencing the mentally disabled to death sentences. hm.

music & musings

2008-08-18T20:07:00.011-04:00

this past sunday was the last day of central park summerstage, a series of free concerts held in the park. it was our third time there, and they closed it out with the best show: sharon jones and the dap-kings. it's soul/funk music. sharon jones has the most incredible voice, and the dap-kings are a super-tight band. they were great entertainers and had so much fun and energy that you couldn't help but get pulled right along with them.

(this was a blind shot of the stage. being short, i just held up the camera above the crowd and snapped a few.)

(this was from a blind shot as well but cropped.)

they're based out of brooklyn so it was perfect to have a local band end the series. also, they apparently had been on tour and were ecstatic to be back. this is one band where i don't think i can see them play enough.

so every time we've walk along the eastern edge of central park, i would notice this sign:

did no one realize how disturbing this would come across? it makes me think "mystery meat" whenever i see it. one time, i even saw a yellow school bus parked near the building just past the sign. i was a little horrified for the children.

yesterday morning, i went jogging around the neighborhood and saw a dairy truck delivering products to a store. it had "hygrade milk" as part of the artwork on the side of the truck. i can't recall the brand although i'm sure it wasn't one of the major national brands, but i guess it's a good thing i don't drink milk. would you trust milk that comes from a place that had "hygrade milk" as part of its advertisement? it was one of those moments where i had to kick myself in the ass for not having a camera on me.

more summer movies

2008-08-18T18:40:00.002-04:00

r and i saw the dark knight over the weekend. awesome. we were still thinking about the movie the next day and want to see it on imax now. the acting, particularly heath ledger, was phenomenal. just the title itself, the dark knight/night, so apt to the theme. there was a slight mention of terrorism, but it was pretty soft-handed considering how much it has been used in movies in the past few years. but then, r and i discussed that the word "villain" has been replaced by "terrorist" just because of the times. also, i felt a sense of warmth when hong kong entered the picture as a location. i even found it fitting that the mob's accountant spoke mandarin instead of cantonese, the dominant chinese language in hong kong, because of the way the city has changed and the rising power of mainland china. college kids would surely be writing papers on this movie in their film classes.

we had seen hellboy 2 earlier in the season and had a lot of fun, consistent with the first hellboy. the ending was a little weak, but the new characters introduced were incredible in terms of the imagination that brought it to life.

lastly, f and i saw mamma mia but without r, which actually turned out to be a good move. it was totally a girl's flick. the story was a little ridiculous and predictable, and i bet the musical in the theatre setting is better just because it creates more distance between the audience and the character, thereby allowing the sudden burst into songs more acceptable. but i found myself amazed with meryl streep and mouthing along with the abba songs. abba = happy.

i can't think of any other movie i must see at the moment, but we're eager for the curious case of benjamin button to hit the theatres. r had worked on it and was very proud to have been a part of it.

this year might just be the year when the cinema looks worthy again.

joining the digital age

2008-08-14T20:15:00.004-04:00

i have finally joined the rest of the world and bought my first digital camera, a nikon d40. here's the first picture i took with it, of some plants on the window sill.

the goal is to be able to share pictures more easily so more to come...

did it again

2008-08-13T13:17:00.003-04:00

i just completed another round of the master cleanse/lemonade diet, a detoxing procedure i have done once before and would like to attempt once a year. it's always a struggle, not so much the lack of food (it's a liquid diet consisting of a specifically made lemonade) but the socializing that's involved with food.

i think the detoxing might've been tougher on r because he enjoys going out to eat but hates to dine alone. but it's over now, and the feasting can resume.

the last time i did the detoxing was during the winter which i thought might've been a poor strategy because you have a natural urge to bulk up during the cold weather. so i tried it this summer, thinking my appetite will diminish in the hot weather and an ice-cold lemonade might be refreshing. i realized that it's mentally tougher, however, because of all the wonderful produce available during the warmer season. i was drooling over all the peaches and nectarines and berries at the farmers market but unable to taste them. next time, i think i'll stick to the colder season.

olympics opening ceremony in beijing

2008-08-08T21:30:00.003-04:00

wow. the chinese are so going to take over the world. genius move to have zhang yimou in charge of the ceremony.

flowers

2008-08-03T23:12:00.004-04:00

r surprised me with a bouquet of roses last night when he came home from work. i can't recall ever receiving flowers from anyone. funny enough, i saw a woman, probably in her early 50s, struggling to maintain a grip on a couple of bags and a beautiful bouquet of lilies. bringing home a bouquet of fresh flowers, whether for yourself or someone else, is a lovely treat. it brightens up the place and the people in it. and then it occurred to me that in the year that we've been together, r had never brought me flowers. i'm not the kind of girl who would expect a guy to bring me flowers, although i'd appreciate it, so it wasn't something i had thought about until then.

i had bought flowers for myself when i was single, just as a treat for myself, something pretty to look at. but to be surprised by someone, to be given something because he had been thinking of you and wanted to do something nice for you, to be conveyed that tangibly, was wonderful. the skeptical part of me didn't even surface to suspect anything. (flowers and jewelry are the sure signs that a guys is up to no good, right?) it just made me happy and feel loved, exactly what flowers should do.

stranger at the hotel

2008-07-29T23:37:00.008-04:00

we went to the gramercy park hotel yesterday in search of a rooftop bar. the weather was kind of dreary, and because of the rain earlier in the day, the hotel decided to cover up the bar which defeated the point of our mission.

instead, we went to downstairs, to the lobby level, to check out the art work. the hotel had the good taste of hiring someone to purchase art by keith haring, andy warhol, basquiat, and the likes. i was especially taken by one piece, a mosiac consisting of painted butterflies. the effect was quite astonishing. i was looking at it to observe the pattern and imagining the work, the planning and the discipline that this piece must've required, and was searching for the artist's signature. all of a sudden, a man in his fifties walked up and asked me what i was looking at. i was completely taken by surprise; the room had been empty except for r, j, and me.

r immediately walked up next to me. the man kept talking, a little tipsy having ben drinking in the other room where the bar extended. i grabbed r's hand, out of a bit of fear, unsure what the man was up to. i thought it's not a bad idea to let him know that i have a boyfriend, especially one who's bigger than him.

the man then asked if we would like for him to recite an oscar wilde poem. out of fear of his reaction if i had rejected his offer, i said yes. i just figured it was probaby safer to go along with whatever he said. by now, we had caught j's attention. so the three of us listened and watched this man recite the poem. his performance was actually excellent.

a couple had strolled in during this recital. after he had finished, he shook our hands and went over to the other couple. then, he offered to recite another poem, which i can't recall. my guess is that he's an actor, but i was a little creeped out by how much he was looking, almost staring, at me, looking over at the others every once in a while as if remembering there were others watching him. finally, he went back to the other room where he claimed his girlfriend had been waiting.

it's not something atypical to happen in new york, but i was not expecting the unsolicited attention in a place as nice as the gramercy park hotel. i guess i shouldn't be surprised, but i don't think i will ever get used to being approached by strangers, whatever the reason.

modern mobility

2008-07-23T12:02:00.005-04:00

now that i've recently moved, i'm in the process of updating different government agencies and business with my new address. it's strange that we've gotten to an age where our physical mailing address is less permanent than our email address, our land-line telephone number is less permanent than our mobile telephone number.

also, for the past couple of years, i would encounter fits of sneezes, about 10 in a row. i wonder if it's my body having been overworked to adjust to new environments. i've moved from north carolina to los angeles to new york within the past 6 years. all three places are vastly different from each other. i noticed no particular sneezing fits until i moved to new york. is it because the smog here is different than the smog in los angeles? are you less exposed to smog by sitting in a car where your air is filtered on a certain level than being out on the street, especially where you're nose-level with the exhaust pipes of buses and trucks? or is it my body no longer being able to adjust to new environments after having adapted to los angeles after north carolina, from breathing clean air to heavy smog?

i get the impression that people move more often and farther than they used to. at least, i know i've moved more often and farther than my parents have who have probably moved more often and farther than my grandparents had (except my maternal grandmother who immigrated to the states and moved around among my uncles). i'm sure i'll be moving again shortly, possibly as soon as in 4 months. i'm not even unpacking most of my stuff, like books and extra linens that i know i wouldn't need...for now.

i am tired of moving though and hope i can settle somewhere for at least 2 years before moving again. by the way, i hired movers for the first time instead of begging friends. they are definitely worth the money although i felt sort of bad that one of the men looked as old as my father. it is their job though, their means to a living, so i just gave them a generous tip.

indoor rain

2008-07-16T12:56:00.007-04:00

i'm terribly behind on blogging, but here are the reasons: r's apartment flooded 2 weekends ago, and i'm moving there this sunday. yeah, i'm actually moving to a fema-like apartment. it's actually not that bad. at least the dry walls are not molding...yet.

r lives on the 1st floor of his apartment building. the unit on the 3rd floor, directly above his, encountered a water pipe busting. it was the sprinkler pipe, to be exact. it's a really old building, a converted knitting factory, and my guess is that the sprinkler system is the same one that was put in place when buildings were finally required to install certain safety features.

water just poured, POURED, from the pipe, raining through the floors, through r's and eventually to the basement unit where it all collected. we were sleeping in and woke up to what we thought was a rain storm. but then, we were puzzled that the rain sounded like it was coming from the wall behind us, where the bathroom was. so r, being the man, got out of bed and climbed down the loft to investigate. i followed him. when he swung open the bathroom door, we saw rain. it literally was raining IN the bathroom. and then the rain moved to the kitchen, then to the hallway just outside his unit. it was rain beyond pots, pans, or buckets.

the fire department showed up and somehow found a way to stop the water. when r went up stairs to check out the 3rd floor, the girl who lives there was in tears. you are totally helpless when water is just pouring from a pipe or the ceiling. the guy on the 2nd floor was out of town. being the holiday weekend, the super was away, and no one could even go into his apartment to try to help him save his belongings.

luckily, we were able to move things out of the way, mostly furniture, to avoid any damages. the management company has started the process of getting the insurance company doing their thing so construction to repair the building can start soon.

i'm still moving all my stuff there on sunday. lightning doesn't hit the same spot twice, right?

2nd amendment

2008-06-28T19:06:00.004-04:00

i don't like guns. i don't ever want to be in a situation where either i'm faced with it or have to use it. i see and respect the supreme court's ruling to protect the right of an individual to bear arms, but it's sad that we live in such fear that we need that protection.

i'm applying for naturalization, and i think the part where i'm asked if i would bear arms for this country was where my interviewer tried to trip me up. i stated on my application that i refuse to bear arms in this country. i would, however, be willing to perform non-combatant services for this country. only people who aren't intelligent enough to resolve a conflict would rely on guns and any act of lethal violence.

my interviewer proceeded to do a separate q&a where she asked me to state my name and place and date of birth. she asked if i claimed to be a pacifist for religious reasons. i said no. she asked what if someone was holding a gun to me. i said i would try to convince them not to shoot me. instead of asking a question, she simply states, "well, then you'd be dead."

first, i was insulted that she assumed that i wouldn't be able to persuade the armed person. second, just because someone holds a gun to your face doesn't mean they necessarily want to kill you. it's a scare tactic. more often than not, they'd probably be too scare to fire it. i was so caught off guard by her statement that i just said, "well, if they're determined to..."

really, what else could i have done in the situation? have a gun on me and shoot them back? is that what america is about? i don't think i'd be able to live with myself to shoot someone with a weapon as powerful as a gun, no matter the circumstance. yeah, there are some people i wish would die because they're jerks, but i don't hate them to the point of wanting to kill them. (i would just wish accidents would happen to them instead of nice people.)

i'm not going to say anymore about my naturalization interview until i receive the decision. when i get it, i'll have quite a story to tell.

but back to the 2nd amendment, in a better world, it would be an irrelevant argument, regarding an individual's right to bear arms. we shouldn't be living in a world where we feel we would need protection from a weapon that powerful. to me, guns are nuclear bombs on a much smaller scale. there's really no need for it.

apartment hunting

2008-06-21T20:45:00.006-04:00

work has been taking a toll on me lately. i ended up pulling some 15 hours shifts last week and last night. on top of this busy gig, i've begun apartment hunting. just thinking about it stresses me out. i can only hope that apartment hunting is no where as painful as it is in new york.

last weekend, i looked at a one bedroom apartment that's a co-op. it's really nice, particularly for its price, but it was still a little too much for my budget. also, it's another 4-story walk-up. my current place is a 4-story walk-up already, and the idea of at least another year of climbing the stairs, especially after a long day of work, is not appealing.

earlier this week, i looked at a studio that was in the basement of a building. it was dreadful. i'm already short, and yet, i felt suffocated by the low ceiling. d, who accompanied me, kept expecting his head to hit the ceiling. there were only 2 tiny windows, one of which would be looking out into trash collecting area for the entire building. i felt a bit of vomit in my throat just thinking about the odor that would seep into the place, particularly in the summer heat. the place made me a little angry because it was obviously not a suitable space to create loft. the owner of the building basically forced it into some resemblance of an apartment. it's inhumane.

today, i had lined up two places to check out. the first place had an open house 2p-4p. we arrived at about 2.30p. not only did someone already put down a deposit but there were 10 other people in line ahead of me who wanted to be on standby, in case the first person doesn't work out.

the second place was a little less intense. i'm probably also about the 10th person who looked at the place, but it was more of a bit of an interview. the couple who owns the house is renting out a studio on the first floor. they wanted to meet all the potential tenants before choosing one so at least the pressure isn't as great.

tomorrow, i have potentially three apartments to look at. i hope i find some place decent that's situated in a safe neighborhood and affordable. only in new york is it so tough.

summer blockbuster season begins...

2008-06-05T16:41:00.003-04:00

we attend a screening of sex and the city last week. neither of us watch the tv show, but r worked on it and received tickets to the cast and crew screening. i wasn't impressed at the beginning but then grew to enjoy the rest of the movie. as r pointed out, there were a lot of classic storytelling elements that made the movie good: the romantic ending to miranda and steve's story, the cinderella tie-in, charlotte's inevitable confrontation that turns out quite differently than she had imagined. also, the sets look fantastic!

yesterday, we saw indiana jones and the kingdom of the crystal skull. i have only seen the first indiana jones and must've missed a lot of references to the previous movies. it was a string of action sequences, and i found it enjoyable. it's no brilliant plot. the crystal skull actually looks kind of cheesy. but isn't that the point of summer action movies? i think cate blanchett's performance made it worth watching.

more to come as the season passes...

baltimore

2008-06-05T15:53:00.005-04:00

r and i visited friends in baltimore this past weekend. since r didn't get to see much of the city the last time he was there (only a day trip), we aimed for mostly touristy things. e & c, being gracious hosts, took us all over the city. as we drove around, they shared interesting facts like the history of certain buildings, places where john waters lives and hangs out, the bar where the charm city cakes staff gets their drink on, etc.

we spent saturday at the american visionary art museum and the orioles game against the red sox. we got to see manny ramirez hit his 500th homerun, which was pretty exciting, even for us who don't follow baseball.

on sunday, we visited the baltimore museum of art and caught their comprehensive photography exhibition, looking through the lens. it made me fall in love with photography all over again. we stopped by poe's grave and then ended the day at fort mchenry, making it there just in time to see the flag change.

e & c took us to cool places for food: delicious sopapillas at golden west cafe, brunches at miss shirley's and rocket to venus, yummy italian pastries at vaccaro's, comforting afghan food at the helmand, and arguably the best hotcakes at pete's grille.

r really liked the city and got to see a very different side of it than the one portrayed in the wire. the only down side to the trip was the traveling itself, the traffic and the truck running on its last leg. we will probably plan another trip there in the near future, but we will be taking either the bus or train next time. nothing will keep us from traveling!

whitney biennial

2008-05-26T16:27:00.005-04:00

i was disappointed with the whitney biennial. before moving to new york, i had always felt i was missing it by not living in the city. maybe i had built up too high of an expectation.

the pieces were uninspiring. nothing held my attention for more than 5 seconds. the art felt lazy; there seemed to be this attitude that technique was unnecessary. that argument would be fine except that the pieces felt lazy conceptually too. the ideas gave the impression that they were not throughly thought out and/or executed.

i would've been more humble about my opinion had r not confirmed them. he's an artist, and he felt let down by the show too. also, we visit museums quite a bit, particularly art museums. in fact, our first date took us to the whitney. at the time, they had a great show on 70s psychedelic art, like music posters, elaborate drawings on sheets of acid, photographs of the era.

i was ready to buy a membership just to cut the line, but there was barely a line. considering it was the last weekend of the show, i should've realized that it was a sign.

byog

2008-05-24T17:18:00.005-04:00

on our walk from the train station to r's apt last night, we walked past two girls and overheard the words, "bring your own gun." i didn't catch anything else they said so this might be totally taken out of context. still, i can't think of anything it could mean other than a new party theme i haven't heard of until now. it's not the type of party i should attend anyway. i'm pretty clumsy.

gotta have that smoke

2008-05-18T17:04:00.005-04:00

last friday night, i was waiting under the virgin music building in union square to meet r for dinner. being a popular meeting place, there were quite a few people that came in and out of that area. it was also raining so the number of meeting places that provided shelter became more limited.

the people who stopped by were in their late teens, 20s, early 30s. then, a guy showed up, a bit older than the normal crowd. he set his bag on the ground and picked up a cigarette butt. to my horror, he proceeded to put it to his lips and attempted to pull a drag from it. he appeared unsuccessful on the first try so he looked for other butts.

he didn't have a light on him or asked anyone for it, pretty much keeping to himself. he seemed as if he was trying to suck just something, anything, out of them. i'd say a rainy night would prove to be a disadvantage to his feat. but maybe i had mistaken what he was looking for, maybe not a smoke but just something to do while waiting for the rain to subside.

fat ass and little pricks

2008-05-14T21:16:00.006-04:00

on my way home last night, i took a seat on a bench for two on the subway. since it was fairly empty when i got on, i sat with my bag taking up the seat next to me and put my nose to a magazine. more people boarded during the next couple of stops, and one woman sat down next to me. her friend blocked me in by taking the seat in front of me.

i moved my bag, just standing it upright between the woman and myself. she started to shove herself against my bag to the point that i became concerned that she cracked my laptop in the bag. after a minute, she said, "sweetheart, can you move your bag, like put it on the floor? it's bothering me." immediately, i noticed the stench of her cheap perfume. (i HATE perfume. you only need to wear perfume if you have major BO issues.) also, my petite stature does not give anyone the license to call me sweetheart in that tone.

to keep her from further annoying me, i just moved the bag onto my lap. it was annoying because there were other empty seats on the train that she could've taken. if she was uncomfortable, she could take another seat. with my irritation growing as her fat ass pushed me up against the wall, i finally just stood up to climb over her and her friend to take another seat, even while the train was still moving.

then, she had the audacity to tell me to have a nice day. really? can't people just keep their mouth shut? also, it's the end of the day already. the sun had set. my day had been nice, but her fat ass and loud mouth just squashed my evening.

even after i switched trains, i couldn't focus on my magazine. my mind kept coming up with things i should've said and/or done to her: call her "fat ass," reply with "i had a nice day until you showed up," moo her, stand next to her for the rest of my ride on that train and hover. i was so deep in thought that i missed my stop. at least i realized just one stop later.

i got off the train and proceeded my trek back to my apartment. along the way, i passed a group of high school boys, hanging outside a building. they saw me, a little asian girl, and started harassing me. it's the same game: they start off saying, "hi," just to get your attention. if you don't respond, they'll start calling you names. i got "ugly" and "no ass." (asian girls generally don't have wide hips.)

i passed them in silence, being totally outnumbered, but was, once again, thinking of things i should've said and/or done to them: wave my little finger, make a sympathetic face and say "aww, i remember how it was, boys your age, with your undeveloped little pricks, longing for your first taste of pussy," yelled back "at least i'm running home to get laid."

i made it home fine the rest of the way. i'm just glad tonight's trip home was uneventful, which is exactly how i like it.

a miraculous restroom visit

2008-05-12T14:14:00.005-04:00

last night, we went to dinner at ippudo, a fairly new japanese noodle place that's the rave-of-the-moment. i admit, it was delicious. the broth was heavy in flavor, and the ramen was of a good texture. we didn't get the umph or blow to the face we felt the first time we tried ramen setagaya, however, which has become one of our favorite spots. (we're actually going there tonight, for their monday special of ramen and gyoza for $12. it's pretty affordable by ny standards.)

the most impressive thing about the place though really had nothing to do with the restaurant itself, i guess. maybe it had more to do with the situation? i don't know. on our way out, we stopped by the restroom. as i landed on the basement level where we were directed, i saw a line for the men's room. r was the last in line with 2 guys ahead of him. instinctively, i looked for a line for the women's room and was confused when i didn't see one. i thought, maybe this is a unisex restroom with a single stall. but then, i noticed the picture on the door where the guys were waiting. it depicted the head of a man. so i walked past the guys to find another door with a picture depicting a woman's head. i gasped: there was a separate women's restroom! and there was a line to the men's room but not one for the women's room! how often does that happen at a typical public place?

i turned the knob, expecting it to be locked. to my surprise, though, it opened with ease. i was simply in disbelief and couldn't help but feel giddy as i stepped in, flashing the guys, still in line, a grin before i shut the door.

boston

2008-05-09T18:41:00.005-04:00

r and i visited boston last weekend. it was sort of a weird visit because we stayed with his friend who lives about an hour outside of the city so we weren't actually in boston. but we actually hit boston itself first on friday, to kill time waiting for his friend to arrive at his home. we went straight to the institute of contemporary art. they were in between major exhibitions so we ended up paying full admission to see just half of the museum. what they had was cool, but we felt a little gypped.

afterwards, we headed to the barking crab restaurant for a late lunch. it was within walking distance from the museum, and boston is a seafood city. we were totally disappointed, however. again, we felt gypped having ordered the crab cake appetizer. it was $12 for 3 tiny little medallions of mostly breading. we had excellent crabcakes not long ago at jacques imo's in new orleans where we could see large chunks of crab meat. then, our entrees came. i don't mind the paper plates and the whole picnic feel to the restaurant even though they were certainly not charging picnic prices for their food. the food was not that impressive though, especially for what we were paying for. overall, i would recommend avoiding this place.

we headed to r's friend's house that evening. we just took it easy, after a long drive for r, and had dinner and saw iron man. the movie was good. nothing mind blowing, but it was fun.

the oddest thing i encountered was actually the pets. i know someone who has 4 cats which, to me, is quite a handful, having grown up pretty much without pets. but r's friend has a dozen animals: 6 dogs and 6-7 cats. it was a little overwhelming for me, but i love seeing r around dogs. he has a great fondness for them and loses all inhibitions to doggy-talk to them.

since r has never been to boston before, he wanted to some of the more touristy things. he's very interested in history and wanted to do the freedom trail. unfortunately, saturday was a dismal day, and his friend suggested that we visit the museum of fine arts instead, an indoors activity. we were totally fine since we love art. we hit this museum at a good time. i LOVED the british printmaking exhibition: rhythms of modern life, british prints 1914-1939. using simple lines and forms and no more than 3 colors at a time, the artists were able to convey so much. the pieces held so much energy.

r was absolutely inspired by the antonio lopez garcia exhibit. his work is so meticulous that, upon first seeing them, i thought they were photographs, when in fact, they were paintings. r is fascinated with space, being a set designer, and loved the way lopez garcia captured an empty apartment in his paintings. i could tell he was itching to start a painting of his own.

afterwards, r's friend took us to a bar, then dinner, and another bar where one of his friends is playing in a band. when we first arrived at the bar, we had walked into "nerd night." it was nerdy people giving power points to share their extensive knowledge. r's friend's friend started heckling the presenters. immediately, i thought to myself, r's friends were the people i and my friends were escaping when we chose to apply for ncssm. i couldn't take sides. luckily, the band finally started to perform.

the next day, r and i headed into boston on our own. i wanted to visit my friends, p & d, and meet their baby girl. n is so precious. they let me hold her for a little while. apparently, d was taking pictures of everyone and anyone who holds the baby. we caught for a bit and then they walked us to a shopping center where r and i grabbed some korean food for lunch. p & d took the baby back to the their house, and r and i decided to roam the city. we were finally on our own.

we left r's truck at p & d's house and walked to the T station nearby. r wanted to compare the T to NY's metro. we got off near charles street and walked to boston commons. luckily, the weather finally cleared up. it was cloudy but not wet. so we embarked on the freedom trail, going all the way into the italian district in the north end. r really wanted to see paul revere's house, which we did. unfortunately, it was already closed by the time we made it there. but we got some italian pastry before we headed back to get the truck. that afternoon was my favorite part of the trip.

r noticed that boston is so much cleaner than new york. i couldn't agree more. maybe we were just in the nicer parts of town, but i never thought to look for feces on the sidewalk as i ALWAYS do in new york. we definitely want to go back again, but we might do it a little differently this time, like staying IN boston and putting up with ONE baby instead of a DOZEN animals.

baltimore is next on my list of places to visit with r. it will probably have to wait until june. stay tuned.

lost underground

2008-05-07T17:03:00.005-04:00

a woman approached me at the dekalb station in brooklyn yesterday. i'd probably put her in her 50s, just a little younger than my mother. she must've been banking on the fact that i could speak cantonese. she lucked out. she asked me if this was where she would catch the N train. i told her the N train actually doesn't stop at this station. she would need to take the R train to the next station to connect to the N train. she said that she had seen several R trains go by, that she had been waiting at this station for over an hour, basically waiting for something that would never arrive.

immediately, i thought, this is a situation i could totally see my mother getting into if she were left to travel in the city by herself. i told her that i was waiting for the R train anyway, going in the same direction as she needed to go. she said she'd stick with me. i nodded okay.

she noticed that i was reading something and asked if i was studying. i told her i was just reading a magazine. just to make sure i wasn't pointing her in the wrong direction, i asked if she was heading into brooklyn or manhattan. she said brooklyn and then what i heard as "b-broadway." afterwards, i realized she was saying "bay parkway" which was in brooklyn, actually near the end of the N line. but at the time, i just assumed that there must be some other broadway in brooklyn, which is often the case that boroughs shared street names.

after a longer wait than normal, the R train finally arrived. she boarded with me and took a seat by the door. with the only other seat available blocked by shopping bags, i stood, holding onto a pole. i asked her if she was on her way to visit someone. she said she was actually on her way to have her portrait taken. only then did i realize she was dressed in relatively bright colors, including lots of red, typical of the chinese.

soon, we arrived at the station where she needed to transfer to the N train. i told her it would be really easy to transfer, just to wait on the other side of the platform. she had shown no sense of fear, to my surprise, even though she was basically lost in a giant labyrinth beneath a thundering metropolis. still, i emphasized that the transfer and the rest of her journey should be easy, to give her confidence. before she got off the train, she thanked me, patted my cheek, and squeezed my hand. i wanted to tell her to take care but couldn't even mutter it. i almost wanted to accompany her the rest of her way.

even after i arrived home, i couldn't help but wonder if that woman made it to her destination okay. how much english can she read? would she be able to tell which station she needs to get off? obviously, she knew her alphabet, but i imagine that her english level isn't far from my mother's. i thought it brave of her to travel alone, but at the same time, i felt slightly frustrated that no one accompanied her. i just can't imagine myself letting my mother go on the ny metro alone. but at some point, i guess we all must let go a bit, as parent or child, of each other because, at the end, we all will turn out okay, in one way or another.

back in nyc

2008-04-28T17:19:00.006-04:00

whew. we made it back to nyc friday night, and it's so good to be back. we're not thrilled with the dreary weather yesterday and today, but at least saturday was pretty good to us. we had ethiopian for dinner last night at awash. it was a treat.

we just walked around the city a bit on saturday and stumbled upon a street fair. walking around is the thing i missed the most about new york. not necessarily people watching or feeling the energy of the city. it's just being able to walk around and maybe finding something of interest.

i have to admit, i do miss surrey's and blue bird cafe in nola. they were great breakfast places. we did benny's burritos for brunch on saturday, and it was really good. it's probably our newly found favorite breakfast place. cheap, easy, simple, delicious. we had dimsum for brunch yesterday. i need to make a trip to the bagel factory in south park slope, brooklyn by the week's end. i probably would put that at the top of my ny breakfast place.

two doves just landed on the branches in my view. i will take that as a welcome home.

fuel efficiency

2008-04-22T15:28:00.004-04:00

seeing this article today, being earth day, reminded me how furious i was, and still am, when i first heard about this possible legislation: federal regulators are expected to unveil on tuesday an accelerated schedule for auto companies to work toward a fuel-efficiency goal of 35 miles a gallon by 2020 for their vehicle fleets.

seriously, this is all we can accomplish in the next 12 years? why even bother? let's just keep raping this planet for all we can. why bother making any effort to reel back what we've collectively done as a species? this is a futile piece of regulation. we should ALREADY be at this level of fuel-efficiency. 12 years later, all vehicles should be at the level of what the hybrids are offering now. 12 years later, a fuel-efficiency goal of 50 miles a gallon is acceptable, not really that progressive, but it's still realistic to obtain. why bother making a regulation when it's meaningless? it's like implementing a blood alcohol content level at the point of alcohol poisoning for a dui.

any progress we make is good, but is this the best we can do?

orlando, fl

2008-04-21T17:35:00.006-04:00

r and i traveled to orlando this weekend for one of his friend's wedding. the only other time that i've been there was when i was little with disneyland as the destination. we didn't see much of anything other than what was on mickey's campus. this time, even though our time was consumed with the wedding and hanging out with r's friends, i saw a bit of the city.

orlando feels so clean. maybe that characteristic stands out especially because of having been in nola for the past few months, and the griminess is one of my biggest complaints here. i don't remember encountering any potholes in orlando whereas we'd come across 3 of them on average a day in nola. the amount of development, mostly strip malls with large plots of asphalt for parking lots, was a little sad and very scary. the amount of vegetation that has cleared since r's childhood was astounding to him. unfortunately, it's the way all new cities are headed with commerce as the target and any environmental concerns falling to the wayside.

before the wedding, we made a trip out to the edges of orlando to visit r's mom and grandparents. they are the nicest folks. he spent part of his youth on the ranch with lots of dogs and horses, unlike me having grown up in urban/suburban areas. his mom keeps 4 border collies, 3 horses, 2 birds, and a greenhouse. horses are such large creatures in person. i didn't know they grow a winter fur and then shed it when the season changes. it was so refreshing to be in the country, knowing the air i was breathing was clean, and to see so many shades of green instead of grey.

the wedding was nice, and we had fun, especially r. it was also a reunion for him and his high school buddies. i learned a few things about his past that i cherish and find adorable. his friends are great people. being boys, the groom requested a mosh pit at the end of the night to recapture their youth. it was weird seeing r in the pile of guys shoving each other around. and then, it was kind of pathetic that they couldn't last for one entire song. it was cute while it lasted.

on our way to the airport the next day, r drove by his house situated in a part of town called colonial town. it's actually populated by a sizable vietnamese community with storefronts bearing vietnamese writing on their signs. we stopped by viet garden restaurant to grab lunch to go. the food deserved all the rave that r had given it. the peanut sauce was powerful. i licked the little cup that held it clean.

it was a great trip, and i wish we were able to stay longer, especially for r to have more time to hang out with his buddies and family. it'll have to wait until next time. nyc is next on our travel agenda, heading back to home. we're counting down the days.

abita springs

2008-04-18T15:59:00.002-04:00

r and i have only one more week of work in new orleans, and then, we'll be back in nyc. r has a calendar by his desk where he's already started marking off the days with a red pen.

of course, this weekend, when we thought we were getting a reprieve from the big easy and heading for orlando, r's friend invited us to a crawfish boil, which we're going to have to miss.

his friend lives in abita springs, which is a really cute small town just across from lake pontchartrain. we drove there last sunday. r took me to the ucm museum that was full of wacky things that the people in town seemed to have found in their basements and attics and contributed to the place. there's apparently some mythical alligator-bass that's the equivalent of the lochness monster. we called his friend to see if they were home. they were but weren't near the phone so we, unfortunately, didn't get to visit them. r's friend is a signwriter on movies and had made a lot of the signs that we saw around town. his house is full of crazy signs that he's made in his career. it would've been fun to see his collection.

on our way out, we got sno-balls. not that i've had a hawaiian shaved ice before, but i imagine that it's similar. it's basically just shaved ice with syrup. i can see how much of a treat it will be when the summer hits this place. i won't be here to find out, however. i'm just going to be stuck with sorbets in new york. oh well.

ice-cream truck at work

2008-04-11T14:37:00.006-04:00

there's an ice-cream truck that's been pulling up to our office recently. i guess it's out and about with the weather warming up in new orleans.

the music drives me NUTS! it's like a repeating 15-second long piece of carnival music, and it begins with "hello" at every rotation. it's not as if we're at a location surrounded by residences. we're in a business district, mostly warehouses. there are no children around. they're probably enticing the working adults which is fine, but HELLO! TURN OFF THAT MUSIC!

mobile, alabama

2008-04-10T19:30:00.004-04:00

i went on a trip to mobile, alabama today. the project i'm working on involves a car race. the company has decided to use the mobile international speedway as the location, and i joined the group of coworkers to check it out. this is the first time i've stepped foot in the deep south. (in my head, the DEEP south consists of mississippi, alabama, and georgia. louisiana has creole and cajun influences that distinguishes it, and south carolina is geographically not as south.)

granted, we were only there for a few hours to check out the speedway and then had lunch at a local joint in mississippi so i know i'm not giving the deep south a fair chance. but i still had a feeling that i wouldn't see much diversity in the population today. i was right. people i met and saw were either white or black. everyone was nice, but i felt like an alien.

i've lived in lexington, ky, but there's a tight-knit chinese community. being a marine town, jacksonville, nc is really diverse (especially the female population). then, there was durham and chapel hill which are college towns. los angeles and new york which are metropolises. the only other time i felt so out of place was stopping for gas in kansas. come to think of it, at least the people i met today were really nice. the people at the kansas gas station stared with no reservations.

it's just odd to still run into places in the 21st century where i feel out of place on a racial level. i guess america will always be america.

couldn't hold it any longer

2008-04-04T15:16:00.005-04:00

i stopped by walgreens the other night. it was around 7p. on my way out, i walked past this guy by the wall just a few feet from the front door of the pharmacy. i noticed, out of the corner of my eye, a stream of liquid shooting from his hip area. it took me another second to realize that he was urinating on the wall of the building. just feet away from the front door. in front of a row of cars.

i picked up my pace to the car, and told r about what i had just witnessed. he, then, made a valid point: even in nyc, people have the decency to avoid urinating in public (that's not a restroom) where other people are around. they, at least, make the effort to be discreet about it.

maybe this guy just HAD to go. when i was little, my parents would pull over on the side of a highway to let us relieve ourselves in cases of emergency. so i admit to having urinated in public. but my mom would stand close by and shield me. also, i was a child. this was a grown man. what is this world coming to?

easter

2008-03-24T10:20:00.006-04:00

amazingly, we managed to miss the easter parade(s) this weekend. we weren't exactly avoiding them actively although we definitely preferred not to run into any of them. i'm tired of beads. really, how many strings of them does one need?

we were glad for the 3-day weekend but had trouble figuring what to do with the time. we're getting to the point where we feel like we're just whittling time away, and we hate it. even though we look forward to the weekends, the only thing great about them is that we don't have to go to work, not that we have any actual event to look forward to.

i keep trying to think, what we would be doing in nyc instead of nola? would we actually have plans? or would we be whittling time away just like this? then, r made a good point: at least in nyc, we would head into manhattan and something WOULD actually happen. like either we just walk around union square and find a cool store, which is what happened when we traveled back on president's day weekend. or we would walk past a theatre and see a cool movie that would interest us. or we would go to some part of town where we're not familiar with and check it out.

i know a lot of people live in new orleans and love it here, but i guess it's just not the place for me. or it's just that we feel stuck here because we came for work. the best thing about nola is the vietnamese food. this is one thing that nyc is missing. we go to the vietnamese restaurant down the street from the office EVERY day, and i'm yet to be tired of it. we branched out this weekend and went to a different vietnamese restaurant that was just as scrumptious. there you go, one thing i'm not tired of yet. the saving grace of this place. although it's not enough to bring me back after i leave here. no wonder people drink so much here.

country or no country

2008-03-17T22:13:00.005-04:00

we were walking back to our apartment after spending the afternoon on magazine street, avoiding getting lobbed in the head with cabbages, carrots, onions, potatoes, and more beads from the st patrick's day parade. when we were passing through this new development that resembled the scary suburbs with the same 5 floor plans and 5 paint colors for houses, i overheard this young girl, in her late teens, telling one of her elders that she "ain't country." realizing the irony, they broke into stomach-aching laughter as soon as her sentence ended.

dreadful walmart

2008-03-04T20:15:00.006-05:00

i know it sounds elitist to say that i hate walmart. i think they're a horrible company and have warped the way business is conducted. i went there today, out of convenience, and this experience is why i avoid it whenever possible.

where we're staying in new orleans, there's a walmart just down the street, probably within walking distance. i have a sinus infection, and after filling my prescription elsewhere, i figured i'd stop at this walmart, which is on my way back to the apt, to pick up some lemons and honey. i also grabbed some chayote squash, and sure enough, they rang up too expensive than what was posted. it took FOREVER for them to send someone to do a price check, and it wasn't even a busy time of the day. the cashier bagged my stuff using 3 bags when she only needed one. they don't hire or encourage their employees to think. it's so sad because human resource is valuable. people are capable so treat them like they are!

nola breakfast/brunch favorites

2008-03-02T18:37:00.004-05:00

my favorite meal to go out for is breakfast. if you have time to go out for breakfast, the rest of your day can probably be spent pretty leisurely. i'm not including picking up a pastry or bagel at a coffee shop. i'm talking about sitting down to enjoy breakfast as a meal, one that is often overlooked compared to lunch and dinner. i always try to go out on the weekends, and since we've been in new orleans, we've kept going back to two places.

because surrey's juice bar is within walking distance from where we're staying, we've been going there every weekend. depending on when we get there, we're usually able to get a table pretty quickly. the food is delicious, not as non-dairy conscious as i would love, but their menu is still focused on healthy food that supports the local community and tastiness. their specialty, as the name of the restaurant suggests, are juices, freshly prepared and usually organic. one i have a hard time passing up is the orange-pineapple-mango juice, served with a slice of lime. i can't say yet what my favorite dish is on their breakfast menu. my mood takes me in different directions. i can attest that everything i've tried has been excellent. i intend on trying everything on the menu before we leave the city.

the alternative is the bluebird cafe. because it's a little farther from where we are, we haven't gone there as often. a friend introduced me to it on my first saturday in nola. they offer a more traditional american breakfast menu, delicious but not necessarily as health-oriented as surrey's. i finally tried their yellow grits last sunday which was delicious. they throw in cornmeal which turns it yellow. i think i will have to include their grits as part of my breakfast from now on when we go there.

we've also tried slim goodies. the food is good but nothing extraordinary, and the place felt kind of unclean. we also tried tomatillos for a mexican breakfast which was good. but i definitely have to say surrey's and bluebird cafe are my favs.

ny food warmed my soul

2008-02-22T15:45:00.003-05:00

we traveled back to new york this past weekend since president’s day gave us an extra day of leisure. food in new orleans has been great, but we missed our favorite spots in new york.

our first stop was awash, an ethiopian restaurant, on 6th street between 1st and 2nd avenue. we haven’t searched for ethiopian food in new orleans, but we’re pretty sure even if it exists, it’s extremely rare. and who know if it would be reliably delicious like awash? we were reminded how ass-kicking great berbere sauce tastes, which reminds me that i need to search for a recipe for it.

that evening, we had ramen at ramen setagaya. what joy to sit down to a steaming bowl of supreme ingredients, especially having been re-exposed all day to the new york winter. it was the perfect way to end the day.

we met my family for dimsum the next morning and were in for a treat. the celebration for chinese new year was still in order. lion dancers paraded into the restaurant while drummers added to the festive atmosphere. it was r’s introduction to dimsum, something i grew up with. i was relieved he loved it because i plan on having dimsum again.

after we saw persepolis, which is an amazing movie with incredible animation and a heartfelt storyline, we succumbed to indian food at brick lane, back on the same block as awash. ironically, it was our first time dining in the restaurant. we had had numerous take-out meals when r used to live on that block and voted it as the best indian restaurant on the block of about 20 other indian food establishments.

on our last day in the city, we had brunch at a new place, patisse. it was actually a little overpriced for breakfast for food that wasn’t particularly special. it wasn’t bad, just not worth what they charged.

we spent so much of the weekend just walking, sometimes we both miss dearly, for the intimacy with a city and the exercise. so it was a total bummer that we were stuck at jfk for over 3 hours because our flight was delayed, 3 more hours we could’ve spent IN the city. and 3 more hours we could’ve spent with my sister, whom i’m finding that i miss a lot. it gave us time, however, to enjoy a meal at deep blue sushi. finally, we boarded our flight and made it back to new orleans, another city of great food.

more will come about nola food.

mind in overdrive

2008-02-12T09:18:00.004-05:00

work has finally caught up, and for the past couple of weeks, i've been swamped. we survived mardi gras. the shaybridge fotel finally let us move to another room where we don't have to open the curtains only to look out at the air conditioning unit for the entire building. for this coming president's day weekend, we're heading back to nyc. it'll be nice to be back "home" but the cold, the cold! it's so much warmer here.

have to get back to work, but a quick note on breakfast/brunch places - surrey's juice bar and bluebird cafe are the best. clean, healthy, nurturing food and atmosphere. slim goodies was okay. it gave me the impression of being a little dirty, and the food was not as good. more soon...

toilet seats

2008-01-23T09:56:00.002-05:00

what is it with guys and toilet seats? i've recently noticed that the toilet seat has stayed in an upright position. it used to be in the down position much more often, in fact, so often that i thought, "wow, how nice that a guy puts down the toilet seat even in his own bachelor pad!" but maybe time has worn out the need to keep up certain impressions. maybe we're getting too comfortable together. is there something as being too comfortable? is that the trade-off, reaching a certain level of comfort only to have the toilet seat stay up? maybe my next project will focus on designing a new toilet that will address this problem.

french quarters

2008-01-20T17:00:00.003-05:00

today, i went on a stroll through the french quarters. i didn't want to be stuck in the hotel all day, breathing stale air. i got the sunshine and fresh air but also encountered some weird circus-like music. it blared all over the quarters and was off-key or something, like the machine that's blasting it was drunk. it is new orleans, i guess.

as i headed back to the hotel, the source of the music seemed to start following me. i almost started running. i kept looking back, expecting to see something like an ice-cream or coffee truck but maybe an alcohol truck instead. there was nothing, however. i don't do drugs and can't drink so i know i was sober. really. i think i'm just going to avoid the quarters for a while.

new orleans

2008-01-18T19:18:00.002-05:00

earlier this week, i got a call to work on a project in new orleans. someone i know already got a job on the project and recommended me for another position that opened up. so i flew into the city on wednesday and started work yesterday. i must admit that a 2-day work week is awesome.

it's the type of project where everyone on it knows it's not exactly classic material, but sometimes they're the best projects. there's no pretension so no one will take it that seriously. people will still do their jobs because they're professionals, but they will have the chance to have fun on it.

the position i'm holding is a new one for me. i'm not quite sure what i have to do exactly yet, but i'm sure i'll understand it more as i get more stuff to work on. fingers-crossed that this will be a good one.

dusk over the east river

2008-01-11T22:34:00.001-05:00

as the n train took us back to brooklyn via the manhattan bridge, we saw dusk fall over the east river. it is sadly one of the few times that i've caught the sight, considering i live in new york. the sky was a dark blue that faded into a translucent robin's egg blue that turned into a pale yellow that eventually ended in a goldenrod before hitting the horizon. all of this with the silhouette of the brooklyn bridge with its magnificent web of cables overlaying the magical sky.

i saw a woman taking a picture of the scene on her cell phone. what a waste. it's not even a matter of the quality of her cell phone camera. it's one of those rare moments where i would even forgo a photograph with a real 35mm camera so as to just simply enjoy the beauty created by a combination of nature and human being's industry without having to possess it on file or on a piece of paper.

dreaming of blueberry pancakes but why not bacon?

2008-01-08T20:54:00.001-05:00

i had a dream last night of having brunch with my mom and sister in italy. we decided on eggs and ham. then, i noticed the restaurant also served blueberry pancakes. my sister agreed to share a short stack of them with me. i know it makes no sense since it's really american breakfast fare, and i would NEVER eat american food abroad, especially in italy, just because i think that ruins the experience of going abroad. globalization really means americanization, and what's the point of traveling abroad only to eat american food? anyway, in the dream, it made sense, in the dream-sense.

later this morning, r and i went out for breakfast. i saw blueberry pancakes on the menu and had to go for it. i got eggs as well but bacon instead of ham. i know i would've chosen bacon had it been on the dream menu. mmm...bacon... maybe i think about it enough in real life that it avoids my dreams.

day 3

2008-01-03T18:18:00.001-05:00

this is day 3 of 2008, and i'm not sure which way things are headed this year. 2007 turned out to be a surprising year, i guess, full of extremes. love finally came. work was the worst it had ever been. i finally made holiday cards and was reminded how wonderful it feels to create.

2008 feels uncertain. it's really just work that makes me feel so uncertain. but we do live in a capitalistic society where money rules. i have to get a job. i don't know what i want to do anymore or what i'm capable of doing anymore, but i'm tired of not working. i don't want to feel like a bum this year. i normally don't make resolutions, but maybe that's it. or maybe i'm being too melodramatic. after all, it's only day 3. there are 363 days to turn things around.

yay to all the february 29 babies & merry 2008 to everyone!

cars and maybe a blowhorn

2007-12-23T12:53:00.004-05:00

on our drive home yesterday, we passed by a car that ran into a ditch. there was an abc liquor store across the street. classic scene in rural north carolina.

according to the list of sample questions and answers provided by the INS, the constitution is “the supreme law of the land.” i didn’t know land had laws. i thought it mainly consisted of dirt. nations/societies have laws. maybe i’m mistaken with my american public educated mind and all. “the supreme law of the land” – it’s a phrase that simply cannot be said. it’s one that needs to be declare loudly, like with a blow horn. maybe i should bring one with me when i finally get to take the test. i’m sure it’s something that will pass security check.

jax movie selection

2007-12-22T11:30:00.002-05:00

my sister arrived in jacksonville yesterday afternoon. we called the one and only theatre in town to see what was playing. think about that worst movies that got released this season. that’s what’s playing here. at least the golden compass and sweeney todd are playing. i was hoping for juno, but i was asking for too much there. disappointment is what i get for being optimistic. 2 good movies aren’t bad, however. and i do have netflix, for which i am incredibly thankful.

pigs vs. people

2007-12-21T21:34:00.001-05:00

the other day, i heard on npr that, according to a recent census, there are more pigs and hogs in north carolina than people. yup, that’s my state.

holiday travel

2007-12-20T12:08:00.002-05:00

i’m in north carolina for the next week or so and had the craziest time traveling here. first, i thought i booked my ticket for wednesday 12/19. good thing i was looking up my itinerary on monday 12/17 and discovered that i was to fly out the next day, tuesday 12/18. so monday was sort of a day of madness, trying to get everything done i thought i had two days to do. but most things were accomplished, and i was ready for the flight.

i headed for the subway station with r on tuesday morning as he was heading off to work and i was heading for the airport. we bid our gooey lover good-bye (yes, i’ve become one of those people), and i continued on the train to my stop. the plan was to take the train to astoria, queens and catch a bus from there to the airport.

a guy with luggage sat near me on the train so i guessed he was headed for the same destination. according to the schedule posted at the stop, the bus was supposed to come by every 10 minutes during that time of the day. we waited for about 40 minutes, and still no sign of the bus. people had already started hailing the rare cabs that happened to come by the area, strangers who paired up to split the fare. finally, the guy who was on the train with me, walked off to get a cab too. at that point, i was getting anxious about my flight as well. of course, as soon as we hopped in the cab, the bus showed up. at least we made it to the airport in good time.

but as things always seem to happen in my life, my flight got delayed by 40 minutes, something about heavy incoming air traffic. so i didn’t really need to take that cab. what’s done was done though so i had to get over it. the delay made me anxious about my connecting flight, however. the flight was supposed to take two hours, and with the delay, i had only five minutes to get to my other flight. i had a hunch that would entail running from one end of the airport to the absolute opposite end. thankfully, the flight was about 30 minutes shorter than expected so i ended up just walking briskly, not having to outright run, to the other end.

when i arrived at the other concourse, a cluster of people was standing at the entry. the concourse had been shut off. the lady next to me didn’t know what was happening. charlotte police officers whizzed past me as i waited along with the other anxious travelers. finally, we were allowed to pass through. i reached the gate just minutes before the flight was supposed to take off. i hopped on the plane and planted myself in my seat.

the plane was small, one of those with just two seats on each side of the aisle. because i got on the plane so late, i didn’t even bother to try to fit my carry-on in the overhead bin. i put it underneath the seat in front of me along with my purse. there was no one sitting next to me anyway. the flight attendant came by and told me that my bags were not under the seats enough. i tried to push them a little farther, and he walked away. i figured it was fine. but then, he came back and told me that he couldn’t close the door until i put my bags UNDERNEATH the seat in front of me. i was livid. why didn’t he had me do it “the right way” the first time around? he suggested putting my carry-on in the overhead bin, and i refused, out of spite, claiming that the compartment was too small for my bag. after some fidgeting, he was satisfied and said, “you are too kind,” for making the effort. i SO wanted to smack him.

when it came time to serve beverages, he ignored me. i did have my headphones on and didn’t exactly tried to get his attention, but he never made the effort to offer me anything. only as we were about to land did the little prick stopped by my seat to get my attention. i had already turned off my ipod, as the captain requested, but left my headphones in just to see if he would say anything. of course, in his power-tripping mode, he told me, “i need you to turn off your headphones.” okay, you don’t turn off “the headphones.” you turn off the mp3 player or whatever is playing the music. i told him it’s off, and he said, “okay,” in a tone that suggested that he didn’t believe me but didn’t want to start another altercation with me. come on! he’s attending a flight that doesn’t even leave the state. either he’s a rookie or really bad. some attendants are super laid back and easy on these smaller planes. really, dude, just ease off. i couldn’t even look at the condescending little jerk as i got off the plane although i nodded a good-bye to the captain. i’m totally writing u.s. airways about this experience. with customer service like this, no wonder american airlines are tanking.

what also made me irritated were the two women sitting behind me on that flight. they must’ve been in their 50s. when i sat down, one of them was talking about how her daughter just moved from brooklyn to manhattan. but she’s in harlem. (gasp!) and it’s the part of harlem where clinton has his office, and she likes all sorts of people and really enjoys the multi-cultural aspects of the city. wow. the effort to not come across as racist/elitist just oozed out of her mouth. then, when the flight attendant was giving me trouble about my bag, one of them said, “i don’t understand why people bring so much stuff with them. i’m just worried about my safety.” really, if you really were concerned about your safety, mind your own business! i just kept telling myself that she was totally itching to get back to her country club to knock down those martinis to keep from spitting at her. and to top it off, you know how you normally give the people who were sitting in front of you the courtesy to let them go ahead of you? the wench just jumped in front of me. i cut in front of her on our way to the airport building, only sorry that my backpack didn’t “accidentally” knock her over. as we waited by the luggage carousel, she had the nerve to glare at me. yeah, the holidays certainly bring the best out of people. and to think, i have to fly back to new york next friday... happy holidays, everyone!

runny nose and parched throat

2007-12-11T11:15:00.001-05:00

it's that time of the year again. the annual cold. i always get really sick once a year, around the holidays. i felt i was starting to get sick about a few weeks ago and took some stuff that was able to circumvent it from festering. this time, however, it won. i've been bending over the bathroom sink, blowing out what seems to be an endless stream of snot. (i do this at home, ONLY at home, instead of blowing into a tissue, because i can wash my hands immediately afterwards without having to touch anything in between like a doorknob, and i don't want to go through ten boxes of tissues...because i have THAT MUCH snot.) my coughs make my lungs feel immensely huge and hollow while my throat feels full of goo. i've been sucking on zinc lozenges and drinking a glass of psuedo-emergen-c daily. i think i'm getting better though. in my experience, it helps to sweat so i sleep in a lot of warmth - under a heavy down comforter and wearing snuggly pj's - and i've been wearing a sweatshirt over whatever else i'm wearing around the apartment. i'm actually taking dayquil today so hopefully this won't last much longer.

security deposit

2007-12-07T16:50:00.002-05:00

why can't landlords/ladies give tenants back their security deposits back in a reasonable amount of time? the building manager from my pasadena apartment, being a crackhead, stopped returning my calls about getting my deposit back. i had to email the city of pasadena to find out who the building owner was, google her, found another business that she owned, and then email her through through her other business's website. she was furious that i contacted her (go figure) and thought i was being inappropriate in contacting her...although it took her about 3 months to mail out the deposit to me. per pasadena's law, the landowner has 30 days to give the tenant his/her deposit.

the issue i currently have concerns our old apartment in manhattan. we moved out at the end of august. i've been calling the company for the past 2 months regarding our deposit. they kept telling us that they were sending it out. it never happened. i'm getting ready to send them a letter to state that i will be filing a formal complaint with the city attorney general. under new york laws, the landowner has to give the tenant his/her deposit back with a "reasonable amount of time". why must i resort to this? why can't they just do what's fair? is that too much to ask? i hate people who can't just buckle down and do their job. argh. if anyone has any tips, please share.

new york public library

2007-11-29T12:52:00.001-05:00

after sitting around, wondering how we were going to spend the day yesterday, r and i finally mustered up the energy and made our way to the giant library in mid-town, the humanities and social sciences library, upon r's suggestion. the building is something both of us have talked about exploring. we figured it's a historical building and would be kind of awesome to see the old architecture. little did we realize the grandeur extends beyond the opulent entrance lobby.

we saw a little exhibit on graphic modernism, a style that r is really into. i loved the stripped down form of the genre. we, then, stumbled upon what i'm guessing is their A/V section that must've been the newest part of the building, glass being the mostly used construction material. we proceeded to wander into a room where they've photocopied all the cards from the catalog. there were enough of these books to line the four walls of a huge room. the volume was mindboggling. the ceilings of all the rooms we saw were decorous, with paintings and beautiful moldings. even the railing along the staircase was sculpted with intricate designs. there is such attention to detail in the construction of the building that we were completely impressed and wished we would still build edifices like this. the other wonderful aspect of the place was that it was quiet, ultimately being a library, an escape from the city in the heart of the city.

having to hurry back to catch the ups driver, we have definitely put the library on the list to revisit. it was a breathtaking experience.

thanksgiving philly style

2007-11-24T12:37:00.002-05:00

i spent thanksgiving in philadelphia with b&d this year. i took the bus up on wednesday and came back to nyc just yesterday. we went over to d's friends' house. the center piece was the turducken, which turned out to be phenomenal. the fact that the birds were all pretty much deboned made it easy to serve. carving was not necessary. we just cut it into slices. the 10-pound turducken was accompanied by decadent gravy, tasty cranberry sauce, infallible apple-sausage-cranberry stuffing, scrumptious mac and cheese (i didn't try this since i don't like dairy, but i would totally have scarfed it otherwise), sweet butternut squash, savory mashed potatoes, and garlicky collards.

after only one plateful, i had to take a break. while vegging in front of the television, i managed to make two more trips back to the delicious smorgasborg. after we watched the dallas cowboys slaughter the new york jets, we played apples to apples. it's sort of a word game where you match nouns to adjectives. like "hopeless" to "republican" or "ludicrous" to "tom cruise". during the game, we dug into an awesome pumpkin pie and a sugary cherry pie.

i have to admit, as much labor that goes into cooking such a grand meal, the result is definitely worth the hard work. i miss leftovers, not wanting to travel with tubs of food on the bus. luckily, there's still pumpkin pie in my fridge, from our trial run of the pie...not that it'll last much longer in there!

love in old age

2007-11-19T14:27:00.001-05:00

today, i read this article on nytimes.com about love in old age. it referred to former justice sandra day o'connor, that she is happy for her husband, who has alzheimer's, having a new lover. it goes on to say that as we age, our definition of love changes. when we're young, it's all about ME being happy, and we tend to respond to negatives, like our partner having a new lover is hurtful to ME. as we age, however, the focus of love changes to the other person being happy, and our responses begin to shift to the positives, like our partner having a new loves makes he/she happy.

it reminds me of losing a sense of myself when i'm deeply engrossed in a project, particularly writing when i used to write. there were moments when it's all about the story, the writing, as if it has consumed so much of my mind that there was no room for even me. being so deeply in love seems to be similar to this, that our heart and mind are so consumed by this other person and his/her well-being that we don't think of ourselves. my heart is still vulnerable enough to be broken, if not shattered. but if it does happen, i feel i can move on past the pain and try to focus on the new opportunities that might be open once life moves me in a different direction. hopefully, i will not have to reach that point, and right now, i have a feeling that it won't reach that point. otherwise, if i do, indeed, have doubts, i should move on now.

screenwriters

2007-11-16T12:15:00.001-05:00

last night was the last new episode of the office that will air until the screenwriter's strike ends. not that i've been watching the show religiously, but when i have time on thursday evenings, i look forward to it. it's one of the few shows on television that i make the effort to see. if i had tivo, it would be programmed, along with the daily show with jon stewart, the stephen colbert report, and project runway. now that i've listed the shows i watched, i just realized that 3 out of 4 of them rely on writers. i'm a supporter of the writers since i have friends who write, and i wrote in college. i feel doomed, with only one show to remind me what day of the week it is. dear studios, please concede to the small, justifiable request the writers are making and give them the additional booger-size piece of the profit that you're making on their work.

p.s. i'm not sure who to root for yet on project runway this season. i really liked rami's and victorya's pieces though. christian is going to be the pest of the show, like marcel to top chef, being the youngest but also the most stuck up. i don't doubt his talent but don't like the lack of humility and respect for his fellow contestants. definitely the bitch-queen of the season.

money on a subway

2007-11-14T16:36:00.002-05:00

today, i saw a woman who gave two street/subway musicians, one guy playing guitar and the other playing a small accordion, a $10 bill on the subway. i've never seen anyone give that much money to street musicians. i was totally impressed. the only time i've ever seen anyone who gave that much to street musicians was in new orleans.

my friend wanted to give a guy playing the trumpet a dollar. she only had a ten on her so i gave her one of my ones. as we walked past the trumpet player, she nonchalantly pulled out a bill and dropped it in the trumpet case. about five steps past the guy, she got a hunch that she might've dropped the ten dollar bill instead of the one. she checked her pocket, and sure enough, she still had the one but not the ten. she appreciated the music, however, and decided to leave it. also, she felt too embarrassed about retrieving it.

that was only an accident of generosity. this woman on the R-train intentionally gave the ten to the guy. she asked that he split it with his accordion playing partner. i don't think i'd ever give that much to any street artist, but i'm glad someone, like this woman, does.

time warner SUCKS

2007-11-13T13:53:00.002-05:00

i'm pretty much over my fury from this morning, but i feel it's my civic duty to inform whoever is interested that time warner SUCKS. i try to give big companies the benefit of a doubt because they sometimes do employ real individuals who are probably decent people just working to make a living.

so when we moved into our current apartment in brooklyn at the end of august, we had so many problems getting service. first, the person helping us screwed up on the paperwork, and our account was never set up. we're jaded enough to not be surprised so my sister went in and got it straightened out. they even gave us 1/2 off on our first two months of service. yay. but then, the technician who was supposed to install the service was provided with the wrong apartment number. no one called to verify the information once they realized it was wrong. my poor sister waited all day (they always give you a 4 hour window which really translates to a 12-hour windown) in vain. so to make up for this mistake, they told us, over the phone, that we would get the third month free. finally, our service was set up about 3 weeks after our initial attempt.

so think about it. we're asking them to help us give them business, to give them money, to help them increase their stock value. we could've gotten the same type of service elsewhere, like through verizon with their direct tv service and dsl. but we stuck with time warner.

we did receive the 1/2 off for our first two months - september and october. but we've recently received our november bill, and we're charged for the full price. so i called time warner about 3-4 times between last week and today. they refuse to honor the deal they offered us for a third month free. they only offered because they screwed up. not only will they not honor it but the jerk i was given to deal with today kept talking over me, infuriating me to the point of accidently dropping the f-bomb once. the jerk then got defensive about my use of language, and i had to just hang up on him. the lady i talked to last week was at least patient and nice, listening to the issues regarding our account.

so when we move again, which i know we will at the end of our lease, i will find any necessary means to avoid using time warner again. with netflix, i don't need cable tv.

baltimore

2007-10-28T12:07:00.001-04:00

last weekend, i visited friends in baltimore. it was a really nice getaway from new york, more so than boston. i like boston, but there's something about baltimore that i really admire. maybe it's still a relatively blue-collar, middle-class city. my new favorite museum is the american visionary art museum. i even flirted with the idea of moving to baltimore to justify purchasing a membership.

their main exhibit was "all faiths beautiful." along the staircases between each floor, postcards from frank warren's postsecrets were framed and posted on the walls. these postcards specifically involved people's secrets about faith. some of them were pretty general (i found god, now i'm saved. i lost my faith and am hiding it from my family and friends.); some were pretty profound. there was one memorable card regarding a military personnel (navy?) who is a liberal atheist who felt compelled to lie about his political and religious stance to gain respect among his peers and to appear as a candidate for promotions among his superiors.

there was a room devoted to the female as the origin of life that permeates in many religious beliefs as well. i admit that i've gotten to a point in my life where i don't feel the angst i once did in my younger years towards the societal oppression of women. i think it was just a matter of realizing being angry doesn't change anything. really, i need to work hard to prove my capabilities, even if it means i have to work extra hard to do so. some things in life aren't fair, but it must go on. so it was actually refreshing to see artwork that promoted feminism so vocally.

i also really liked and appreciated an exhibit that focused on artworks created by people with mental disabilities. art, being a medium with so little constraint and so open to new ideas and ways of communication, offered a voice to some of these people who aren't able to express themselves in conventional ways. also, it's a way for them to create something beautiful that other people can admire, giving them a sense of gratification that they might not feel often in their lives.

within all the exhibits, the museum promoted a sense of community among baltimore artists by selecting many of the artworks from local artists. baltimore, being sort of the underdog among east coast cities, is trying to rebuild itself to come out of that status, and art is an important element to any community trying to elevate itself, allowing expressions of progression and vision. besides the obvious attraction of my dear friends and their loving cats, i hope to visit baltimore again very soon.

juveniles

2007-10-18T09:43:00.002-04:00

i just read this article today on nytimes.com and am once again astounded to learn exactly how cruel the u.s. justice system. i can't believe that we have a president who claims "compassion" endlessly for everything he does, and yet, we are the only country in the u.n. who voted to uphold life imprisonment without the possibility of parole for juveniles. what kind of compassion doesn't give KIDS a second chance?

for a child to commit a heinous crime, there must've been some sort of psychological damage to him/her to begin with. doesn't that justify a chance for redemption? what about rehabilitation and therapy instead of locking them up behind cement walls? what good does that do? it's like tossing out a pair of socks that got messed up in the wash. but these are kids. if they have the proper care and education, i'm sure most of them would grow up to be fine, law-abiding adults. it's a sad world we live in that the most powerful country in the world would deny children who've made mistakes a second chance. isn't making mistakes a part of learning, part of growing up?

boston

2007-10-14T19:13:00.003-04:00

i'm visiting high school friends in boston for a few days. one of them lives in pittsburg and is in boston for the weekend, and i haven't seen her in years. it's odd to be able to say that, to think of spans of time in years, that i've lived long enough to think of time in greater increments than just seasons, a sign that i'm definitely growing older. the other two friends, a married couple about to expect their first child, live in boston, and i had visited them not too long ago.

the two girls lived on my hall during my senior year of high school. the one i've kept in frequent touch with has changed quite a bit since her high school days of jeans and sweatshirts; she's now an attorney at a major law firm in boston. she dresses the part of a grown up. she's still old self in many ways, however. the friend who's visiting from pittsburg hasn't changed much. different hair style but pretty much everything about her is the same: demeanor, attire, way she carries herself. i'm sure there are other changes that i've missed or didn't get to see since we did only spend a mere 48 hours together. i guess it's odd how people remain the same and change over the course of time. some things stay the same, other things evolve. it's also interesting to see how life has taken us on very different paths since our point of juncture in high school, both in our professional and personal lives. i guess seeing how friends evolve is a part of growing up and a part of friendships.

catharsis

2007-10-04T23:34:00.002-04:00

i started on a nightmare project about 6 weeks ago and was recently dismissed from it. i believe it was a wrongful termination, an opinion being supported by many of my former co-workers, and have informed my union regarding this matter. i just want to work with people i can learn from again, like the people i worked with in los angeles. i'm tired of learning from counter-examples. i can't believe that my bosses are getting worse and worse, in terms of competency and decency. after my last boss, i didn't think anyone could be worse. i was wrong.

i thought it would be awkward to go into the office this past monday to clean out my desk. but it actually felt cathartic, to toss out all my paperwork and packing up MY belongings. going around to say bye to people i liked on the show was sad but also nice - to feel sad confirmed that real friendships had formed, which is always a wonderful thing. everyone was so supportive of me, undoubtedly believing that i shouldn't have been fired. some even expressed jealousy that i was getting to leave this hellish project. i mustered the courage to say bye even to my boss who fired me. i kept it short but courteous, "i'm taking off. good luck with the rest of the show." that person briskly replied, "all right, bye." she didn't even look up from her computer to make eye contact. at that point, i knew it was their loss to have me go, not mine.

it's nice to be back in new york though. my first day back, being on the subway slightly felt like home, like i'm returning to reality. and the best things about that project, the people who kept me going, they are still in my life. what's ironic is that a disaster occurred on the project just this morning. there is bad karma that surrounds this thing, and i'm relieved to no longer be a part of it. had i been dismissed because i was solely at fault, i would accept it and let it go. since that was not the case, i'm sitting back and watching it fall apart, while wagging a finger at them to say, what goes around, comes around. thank goodness for unions.

life sucks when weekends suck

2007-08-27T22:48:00.002-04:00

this past weekend has been one of the more awful ones by far. late friday, i learned that i had to stay in stratford, ct on saturday because my boss wanted us to be "around," in case something happened. technically, my deal includes me working a 6th day even though i was told that i wouldn't really be working that many saturdays when i signed onto this project. whatever, i'm a team player. so after a miserable friday, when i felt i wasn't able to help people as i ought to, partly because the person handling a lot of the issues left town early, saturday was doomed. i ended up working 11 hours on saturday. but i thought i could look forward to sunday.

i returned to new york saturday evening. the plan for sunday was to clean out the old apartment and hand back the keys and be forever done with the place. then, i was going to have dinner with someone who's begun to remind me what it's like to be happy, before having to head back to connecticut the following morning. but the person i was supposed to meet for dinner...well, kind of disappeared. no replies to messages i left and never called me as sunday night drew later and later. i was frustrated at first but then started to worry that something bad might have happened. it's atypical for this person to not return my calls or to not pick up when i call. i had already spent the previous 2 days worked to the max and being yelled at simply because i was the messenger, and then i got stood up. and then i worried so much that i could barely sleep last night. what a way to start the week.

i'm just really grateful that my sister and her fiance were wonderful with the move and also taking me to a white castle that they've discovered merely 3 blocks away from our new brooklyn home. sharing white castle with two of the most awesome people was the highlight of the weekend. it's the reason i've made it through the weekend and found the courage to face today, being monday. one day down, four more to go...i hope only four...

moving

2007-08-08T20:33:00.001-04:00

we're getting ready to move to brooklyn in about two weeks, and i'm not motivated to pack at all. i was so good about it for my last move from los angeles to new york though. i don't understand what the hold up is. maybe the summer heat? maybe there's no solid date as to when we're moving? because it's a much shorter move? i have to get crackin'.

hogwarts ~ ncssm

2007-07-26T17:31:00.001-04:00

the latin teacher at my former high school contributed an article to the raleigh news & observer, comparing hogwarts to my high school, north carolina school of science & mathematics. (i had already graduated by the time this teacher started at the school.) i'm currently reading book 7, the deathly hallows, and have repeatedly brought up this comparison as well while talking to one of my best friends whom i had met at ncssm. besides the fact that the harry potter books are a wonderful read in and of themselves, one of the reasons that i love the books so much is the similarity that i see in harry's experience at hogwarts with my experience at ncssm, as the article describes. i rarely reread books, and the harry potter series is one of the exceptions.

the other connections i share with harry has nothing to do with school. one is more of a trivia while the other is one that pains me to think about. i should get back to finishing the deathly hallows so i can discuss it with friends.

rat zapper & apt hunting

2007-07-23T12:28:00.003-04:00

when we woke up yesterday morning, we noticed the red light flashing on the rat zapper. i couldn't remember what it meant. my sister's fiance peered into it and saw a little mouse dead in it. this was our first new york kill. i'd prefer the zapper to never kill any other mice/rats simply because i don't even want them here in the first place. but if they are here, i'm glad the zapper has our backs.

after the excitement of the killing, we began our apartment hunting. we saw 2 places: both were supposed to be 2 bedroom apartments. the ad on craigslist for the first place was a total lie. not only was it not a 2 bedroom, but there were no bedrooms. it's just the basement of a building with no rooms. there were 2 bathrooms with shower stalls. there were, however, no delineation between the shower stall and the rest of the bathroom. there were no shower curtain rods. also, all the walls and flooring were covered in shiny, black granite tiles. my sister deemed it a porn studio. all it needed was a disco ball and some cameras, and the party is on. it would explain the missing shower curtain rods though.

the second place was in the really nice neighborhood of brooklyn heights where there are rumors that trader joe's has bought a space nearby. the apartment itself, however, was just a little small. there was basically no living room. the apartment had a small bathroom with only a toilet and a sink, two bedrooms, and a kitchen that also contained the bathtub.

we will be looking at a supposedly 3 bedroom today. i hope it's at least normal.

creepy guys again

2007-07-19T17:38:00.002-04:00

as i was on the escalator, exiting a grocery store today, the guy standing behind me tried to give me his business card. he said that he noticed me while waiting in line and thought i was really beautiful. he kept STARING at me while he talked. i shook my head at his offer. he asked me if i was married. i told him no, i'm not interested, and refused his card. thankfully, there were lots of people around. i got a little apprehensive that he would start following me. he just gave off that creepy vibe.

what am i doing that's attracting these crazies? and then the ones i want to attract don't respond. argh.

a battle

2007-07-18T11:52:00.002-04:00

last night, i went to bed tired and felt so sure that it was the night to break the recent streak of insomnia. it's been going for about a week now. as i was lying in bed, my eyes closed, my breath steady, i felt myself drifting away. or more accurately, my consciousness drifting away. just at the brink of entering my subconscious, however, i encountered a wall of some sort. it felt like a film or a membrane that would cave in when i pressed upon it, but it remained unbreakable. i could not push through it. when it rejected me, my conscious came to me fully. i attempted to fall asleep again, and the same wall appeared. it simply refused to let me through into my subconsciousness. so i spent the rest of the night, lying as still as i could with my eyes closed and my breath steady. i was in at least a semi-conscious state for the rest of the night.

i feel that there's a battle between my conscious or subsconscious, or if such a thing is even possible. i don't think i'm going crazy. i wonder if having read the wind-up bird chronicle recently has anything to do with what's happening. i'm tired during the day, and with the exception of yesterday, i would not allow myself to take naps, an attempt to keep myself exhausted in hopes of being able to sleep that night. also, i am tired when i'm in my bed, in the darkness. i just can't fall asleep. now, it's at a point where i don't even have thoughts racing through my head. some thoughts drift in and out, but their pace would not normally keep me from falling asleep. i took a nap yesterday, and i didn't encounter this wall. i wonder, however, if i was able to fall sleep because i intended for it to be only a nap, that i wouldn't stay in my subconscious long even if i were able to access it. i want to know what's brewing in my subconscious, and i will break through that wall sooner or later.

more insomnia

2007-07-16T16:22:00.002-04:00

i had insomnia again last night, but it was a little different than the previous nights. i didn't actually get out of bed out of frustration and watched tv to put myself to sleep. i just stayed in bed with my eyes closed with good thoughts from a really great day running through my head, not bad thoughts for a change. it was more like when you can't sleep when you're excited about something. i still prefer sleep though which i hope will take over tonight.

harry potter and the order of the phoenix

2007-07-15T21:02:00.001-04:00

my friend and i saw the movie yesterday. it's difficult to judge it on its own since i've read the book and am actually in the process of rereading it (and the half-blood prince) to prepare myself for the deathly hallows. i recently rewatched the globlet of fire and prisoner of azkaban and realized that i had probably criticized those two films too much. i will have to watch the order of the phoenix again when it comes out on dvd to allow enough time between reading the book and rewatching the film.

the changes i noticed in the film made sense. i appreciated the quickened pacing of the opening, from the playground to the order taking harry to 12 grimmauld place. the film portrayed the drought much more vividly than my imagination did from reading. despite the drought, there were a lot of plants mentioned in the book. but in the movie, the yellowed grass in the playground created a sense of desperation lurking in the air. even the rain offered no relief. instead it brought more danger, the dementors, as if any sense of balance that had existed in the world has dissipated.

as the credits were rolling, i realized that quidditch did not even get mentioned once in the film. the sport has always been a huge part of harry, a natural skill that earned him respect among his peers and also a link between him and his father. but now that i'm rereading the book, i see that quidditch actually played a more important character developing role for ron than harry in this installment. if it had been a movie about ron, i would've been upset about the omission. this is a movie about harry, however, so i am okay with it.

maybe i'll have more qualms after i've finished the rereading, but overall, i highly enjoyed the film.

insomnia

2007-07-13T16:13:00.002-04:00

i've had insomnia for 2 nights in a row. i've never had insomnia for more than one night at a time. when i look at my reflection, i can see the darkness that's developed around my eyes. they look bruised. i purposely didn't take naps yesterday, and i'm not letting myself sleep until a normal bedtime rolls around. i will beat it.

reading in public

2007-07-12T22:03:00.001-04:00

i sat next to a woman on the subway today who was reading a book titled, "how to control your man." i caught the first 2 sentences of the introduction entitled, "how i qualify to write this book": "i am a man, and it takes a man to know how to control one." (i'm only paraphrasing.) not that i would ever read a book like that. okay, maybe for amusement. even so, i wouldn't be reading it in public. i guess this is just going to show how judgemental i am, but why would someone be interested in wanting to control their man? the reader must have just gone over the brink of 40 and was wearing a mask of make-up. i couldn't see if she had a wedding ring.

maybe i'm naive, but i don't want a man that i would want to or have to control. i actually can't stand couples where you know the guy is completely whipped. maybe some guys prefer to be whipped? it just comes across as an unbalanced relationship. if i was with a guy who would appease to my every whim, i know i would clobber him. certain people bring out a sadistic tendency in me to push them to their limits. it's probably a mere reflection of my own insecurities, but i can't help myself.

fennel toothpaste

2007-07-11T17:18:00.001-04:00

i grabbed a tube of fennel toothpaste on the fly not long ago, and i am not quite sure if i like it. i LOVE fresh fennel. i discovered fennel at a july 4th party last year, and after a few bites, completely fell in love with it. the hint of licorice is so refreshing in the summer heat, and i never liked licorice before.

i think the toothpaste is a little too sweet, and i miss the minty-fresh feel. maybe i just need to get used to it.

home?

2007-07-10T21:10:00.003-04:00

i returned to new york today, and it doesn't feel like home, even though it technically is. it's what's on my driver's license and where all my mail is delivered. but having "lived" here for only six months, including a miserable winter that resulted in wind burns streaked across my face and then leaving for shreveport, louisiana for three and a half months, new york doesn't feel like home.

it might not help that i'm leaving for another four months in less than two weeks from today either.

okay. instead of dwelling on new york's status as "home", i'm going to catch up on my visit with my mom in jacksonville, north carolina. luckily, she had the first week of july off from work so we were able to travel a little. our first trip was to emerald isle. we normally go to hammocks beach in swansboro but figured we should go to another one, just to see. emerald isle is still really nice, just not as nice as hammocks beach, which i'll get to later.

on july 4th, we traveled to new bern and stumbled upon a free day at tryon palace, the only day of the year when it opens its grounds to the public for free. i don't remember having been there on any school field trips although my sister had gone multiple times during her days in the north carolina public school system. my mom definitely had never been there before. we didn't go on any tours but just walked around the gardens, which were beautifully kept. afterwards, we went to the mall.

later in the week, we made a day trip to wilmington to have lunch with a friend of mine. as we walked from the parking garage to the restaurant, i think we passed by julia stiles. anyway, my mom had thai food for the first time. i think she liked it but not love it like i do. it was nice to see my friend and to finally meet his girlfriend, whom he had talked about a lot. after a stroll along the boardwalk, we went to the mall.

i'm breaking here to express how much shopping irritates me. unless there's something i'm looking for specifically, i don't like to shop. maybe it's a point in my life that i've reached where shopping is no longer an appealing activity. also, knowing that we were making a trip to chapel hill later in the week where we could stop by the southpoint mall, a much bigger mall than the ones in new bern and wilmington and includes an outdoor section, i really didn't want to go to the two smaller malls.

so yes, we went to chapel hill for my friend's harry potter party, which was a lot of fun. she and her husband made brunswick stew and yorkshire pudding. yorkshire pudding is new to both my mom and me. my mom loved it. i liked it but not love it like she did. we watched two of the harry potter movies and went on an elaborate and creatively set up treasure hunt. then, i was introduced to the wii. an ingenius product. my sister has already requested one for her graduation present but now i'm not so sure if i'll be able to hand it over to her when i'm able to find one.

we spent the night in chapel hill and then drove to hammocks beach the next day. i don't think i can ever find another beach i love more than this place. it's kind of a pain to get to which weeds out a lot of people. you have to take a ferry and then walk about 1/2 mile to cross bear island to arrive at the beach. also, as a state park with a huge emphasis on preserving the ecology of the island, it's kept extremely clean. no alcohol is allowed either. whereas you can find little mounts of cigarette butts at emerald isle, there are little clumps of seaweed that have washed ashore, sprinkled along hammocks beach. the waves were so great that afternoon that i wished i had a surfboard instead of my little boogie board, with which i still managed to catch quite a few waves.

the visit with mom wouldn't have been complete had we not been able to go there. while talking with the ferry captain on the way back to the mainland, we realized that we've been going to this beach for 14 years. our first visit occurred while i was still in middle school, and we've gone pretty much every year since then. i only hope we can still go every year from now on. summer would not feel like summer without a trip there.

good-bye shreveport

2007-06-28T22:42:00.002-04:00

this is my last day in shreveport, louisiana. i'll be leaving early in the morning. a lot of my out-of-town co-workers weren't very fond of this town. i'll admit that i don't think i want to grow roots here, but it's not that awful.

okay. the foul stench that permeates the air on some mornings is pretty hard to bear. a downtown full of casinos is kind of sad. fields are turning into parking lots by the minute, typical characteristic of any growing cities nowadays.

but there are some bright spots. the newest hotel being built, the hilton, is going to be the first major hotel in the city that doesn't have a casino. also, i've recently discovered the robinson film center that is in the works to expand. dallas and fort worth is only 3 hours away, a manageable day trip, for my art museum cravings. there's my staple breakfast joint, straun's, as well, breakfast being my favorite meal of the day.

i don't think i'll miss this place necessarily, but i'm not bolting out of here. i am eager to visit my mom and then head back to new york. i wonder how i'll readjust to new york, being so compacted and never silent. i really enjoyed hearing birds in the mornings and crickets at night here. also, i'll really miss straun's. i have yet to find a favorite breakfast place in new york. i guess i'll have to work on that when i get back.

fort worth

2007-06-24T23:07:00.002-04:00

i made a trip to fort worth on saturday. most of the day was spent at the kimball art museum and the modern art museum, the two buildings being right across the street from one another. the kimball had an exhibit of portraits over the course of the 20th century. what caught my attention the most was the relationship between money and expression. a good portion of the portraits consisted of the artists' patrons or their families. it's the irony of artists who we generally think of as poor, the poor starving artist, but they have ties to the wealthy. in fact, their lifelihood and the sustaining power of their works are dependent upon the upper class. something to think about.

at the modern art museum, i saw an exhibit called "pretty baby," artworks the dealt with childhood. i didn't realize that yoshitomo nara's work would be part of the exhibit although it was an obvious inclusion. i have only seen one of his works in person: a fiberglass sculpture of a black dog at lacma. at this exhibit, i saw several of nara's paintings, one sculpture piece, and 2 drawings. i was excited to see a piece that was relatively new: the thinker, a little girl with chestnut brown hair and short bangs, wearing an orangey shirt with splotches across the collar, her eyes closed with 5 eyelashes on each eye lid. she was so cute. an artist that i wasn't familiar with whose work jumped out at me was makiko kudo. her paintings also focus on girls but just on the brink of adolescence. one memorable piece consists of two girls in their school uniforms, painted in magenta pink, lying in a green field, sharing their contemplations about life, surrounded by penguins. kudo's works are at once surreal in their situations and concrete in their emotions.

the ron mueck exhibit that i saw in brooklyn has made its way to fort worth. it was so much nicer to see it in fort worth; i didn't have to elbow through throngs of patrons to catch a 2-second glimpse of his work. his sculptures are amazing. they are so lifelike except for their size - either too big or too small - and they're frozen in a moment that entices you to not only look at them but to actually watch them, as if in anticipation that they're going to do something.

overall, the museums were small, and their permanent collections were not exactly outstanding. the architecture, however, was pretty impressive. both had wall fountains that calmed the surrounds and gave off a sense of coolness in the texan heat. the restaurant at the modern art museum has a great view of a manmade pond that hugs the glass section of the building. the interior, however, was not as well designed. i was confused as to how i was supposed to go through the exhibits. some spaces seemed to have been created to display pieces because there was just space. some of the displays didn't even have anything to do with exhibit that occupied that section of the floor.

after the museums, i drove around the town, through downtown and the stockyards. i stopped in dallas at oishii, a sushi/vietnamese restaurant, for dinner before making my way back to shreveport. it was a fulfilling day of good art and good food.

missing birds

2007-06-20T22:56:00.001-04:00

this nytimes article about birds disappearing almost made me cry. it makes me sad every time i learn something that affirms what i told my math teacher in the 8th grade: the purpose of human beings is to destroy the planet.

just because we're finding ways to live a sustainable life doesn't mean that we aren't continuing to hurt the biodiversity that exists on this planet. yes, for one species to survive, other species must be injured or even killed. everything we eat comes from a living thing, animal or plant. but even when buildings are designed to use dramatically less electricity and built with "eco-friendly" materials, we can't forget that we're still taking over another species living space. the planet is only so big, ocean and land, and we're taking over more and more of it.

hong kong plowed hills flat and dumped the earth into the ocean to create more land, a practice called land reclamation. residential skyscrapers are built on these pieces of land. i doubt that hong kong is the only place that creates land in this manner. not only did we destroy a piece of land that was inhabited by other living creatures, but we also took over a piece of the ocean. maybe i'm being too dramatic in saying that it's a tiny baby step in our take-over of the ocean.

also, new houses built in this country are getting bigger and bigger. all those hollywood stars who bought priuses in the rush to the newest fad--to be environmentally conscious--live in giant houses that take over a huge plot of land and use an immense amount of materials for its infrastructure. oh, and the furniture. i wonder if the same prius drivers also own furniture made from exotic materials ripped from the rain forests.

yes, doing one thing is a start, but it's more of a matter of adjusting your entire lifestyle to cause the least amount of damage to the rest of the species on this planet. we need it for our own survival. what will we eat if we kill off and force out the rest of the living organisms?

creepy guys

2007-06-19T17:47:00.001-04:00

i'm the only person left on my end of the office, and anyone who enters and exits the suite has to walk past me. a guy came in today, dressed in a t-shirt and shorts. i said hello, and instead of introducing himself as one should when entering someone else's space, he took a look at me and said, "you're cute." no "hello." just "you're cute."

after a couple of questions, i found out that he merely wanted to know what information he could use as a reference to look for a new job. i work in an industry where pretty much everyone freelances so you're always looking for the next gig. the parent company dissolves the subsidiary companies which we work for once the project is completed, probably for liability reasons. what he wanted to know was totally legitimate, especially for someone who has never worked in this field. i was just surprised by the first thing that came out of his mouth.

i don't think he meant to be creepy, but i wonder if he realized how creepy he came across. i wonder if i'm only reacting this way because i've been living in pretty urban places. would a southern country girl have also taken his comment as creepy or just as a compliment? also, are guys really that dense that they don't know they might seem creepy in situations such as this? after all, today's incident took place in an office. at the very least, what he said was not professional. good luck to him getting his next job.

drag show

2007-06-17T21:27:00.001-04:00

last night, i went to my first drag show. it was fun but a little disappointing. i expected it to be more talent-based. the show we went to featured each of the drag queen lip-syncing to a song, some contemporary, some classic. some of the audience, mostly drunk, went to the stage to tip each drag queen; it cheapened the show. i'd much prefer a place where they would charge an entry fee and the drag queens actually sang. one of the drag queens stood out as an exceptional lip-syncer. not only did she stick to her performance when she accepted tips and mouthed 'thank you' to each of the tippers (there were some who kind of let their performance lag when they took tips), she had the best make-up and costumes.

nonetheless, i was impressed with all the dancing that was attempted on 4-inch heels. needless to say, i was shamed that as an actual woman, i wouldn't even be able to walk in a straight line wearing the shoes they wore.

so the next drag show i attend must have real singing in addition to the dancing on super-high heels.

summer is back on!

2007-06-15T23:10:00.002-04:00

maybe not the whole season, but as of now, i have a week of it. i had a flight to fly back to new york tomorrow at seven AM. at around two o'clock this afternoon, i got a call that the ct gig has been pushed. my start date wouldn't be until july 9. so i'm staying in shreveport to properly finish my current job, as originally planned. at the end of the month, i'll fly to visit my mom in north carolina. i'll be able to spend that whole first week of july with her.

if only this had been the original plan, it would have worked out perfectly and much less stress rearranging travel. i'm exhausted from re-pulling everything back to its original shape. thank goodness i have the beach to look forward to.

missing summer

2007-06-11T22:45:00.001-04:00

having taken on another job immediately following this one, summer will escape me. i'm leaving shreveport, lousiana this weekend and heading up to stratford, connecticut for the next gig. before the ct job came about, i had planned to visit my mom in north carolina for the first week of july. she has the entire week off from work, and it would've been nice to be able to take her to our beloved hammock beach in swansboro for a day. the rest of the week would consist of doing not very much, the way a vacation should be.

now, i'll be working through the summer. as the temperature is creeping higher and higher every year, though, maybe i'm lucky to have missed the hottest season of the year. if the trend sticks, i'll be able to hit the beach when the job ends in september. the water will still be warm. it might be even not as riping hot. gotta take those jobs when i can though. work now, play later.

caffeine 2

2007-06-03T19:05:00.002-04:00

the rain stopped. i ran out to a non-starbucks nearby and got a shot of expresso. my brain stopped aching within 10 minutes. i wonder if the caffeine coursed through my body that quickly or if it's all in my mind. but does it really matter if it's physical or psychological? the effect - agony to be followed by relief - is the same. maybe it's both. the ease in which i fall into an addiction is why i don't smoke or do drugs - a caffeine addiction is much more affordable. i'm also grateful that i'm allergic to alcohol.

caffeine

2007-06-03T15:09:00.001-04:00

it's storming this afternoon. i haven't left the apartment yet. i had forgotten about coffee and don't have an ounce of caffeine in any form here. i don't care for sodas and i don't drink tea often enough to justify purchasing some for a merely 2-3 month stay. a slight headache is taking hold of me. but i'm going to stay strong and wait until the rain subsides. or maybe i should just brave the storm.

pirates

2007-05-28T23:36:00.001-04:00

i saw pirates of the caribbean: at world's end over the weekend. not as fun as the second pirates and definitely not as fun as the first. the pacing was a little dragged out. i almost fell asleep twice, although i was pretty exhausted walking into it. even so, it didn't exactly keep me awake.

problems were too easily resolved, but in its simplicity, it was still trying to be complicated. the writers seemed to have had more fun sticking in supposedly witty lines than giving the story a sense of fullness.

i was surprised to see chow yun-fat when he appeared onscreen. i had no idea he was a part of it. to me, it would be like seeing al pacino appear in kung-fu hustle 2. his character, captain sao feng, had very little depth. there was no explanation regarding his history with jack sparrow. the way his character dealt with women was repulsive, but i guess that's just what being a pirate is all about? if he's only supposed to play the character as a disgusting, selfish, piggish pirate, then his performance was great. it's just that out of all the captains in the congregation introduced in the story, his character played the largest role. i wished there was more to him. why bother having this character take on a role as big as it did if there's no depth to him? chow yun-fat's acting skills were so wasted in this movie. but sadly, if he wants to break into hollywood, he has to take these roles in dumb blockbusters for exposure.

also, i'm not sure about the history of singapore, but hong kong, where they're building the newest disney theme park, actually was a haven for pirates before the british gained sovereignty over the island. i wonder why captain sao feng's base was set in singapore as opposed to hong kong. chow yun fat is from hong kong as well. besides, wouldn't it be a plug for the theme park if they set that part of the story in hong kong instead of singapore? that confused me. at least they kept to cantonese as the sole dialect of chinese that surfaces in the movie.

as for the 4th installment, i won't be eager to see it.

creation museum. really.

2007-05-23T19:53:00.001-04:00

i just read this article in the new york times about a creation museum that's about to open in petersburg, ky. i'm still in disbelief that it exists. that $27 million was spent on presenting ideas as facts even though there's no evidence to support them, ideas that are based merely on a text that commands blind faith. i don't hold scientific theories as truth. they're still just theories. i do try to keep an open mind that scientists have been wrong. i accept changes to these theories. but i need evidence, not blind faith, as the basis of believe about the past.

in a strange way, though, i am intrigued. they have worked dinosaurs onto noah's ark. you have to admit there's a lot of creative thinking going on to make everything seem to fit. but i don't think it's right to charge $19.95 admission price for an adult; it's an admission price, not a suggested admission price. for a christian-based institution, you'd think they'd be more charitable to the public. even the met is based on a suggested admission. what would jesus think about that?

new orleans

2007-05-21T22:54:00.001-04:00

this weekend in new orleans was a great experience. it's such a distinctive and colorful city. i love the french colonial architecture with the intricate wrought iron works and the balconies that mask the fronts of buildings. it was unfortunate that i was only able to spend 24 hours there, minus the 10 hours of sleep and waiting on the rest of the party i was meeting.

we stayed at a hotel in the french quarters, which i would never do again. the french quarters is definitely a great part of town to visit. there are a lot of tourist amenities such as walking tours, horse carriages, and t-shirt stores. in a way, it's definitely set up as a tourist trap. the street artists, performers, and fortune tellers give the area more distinction, however. the part i didn't like about the area was the oversaturation of bars. at night, bourbon street is closed off as a pedestrian-only street. it's a party, which is what the city is known for. i'm not much of a partier, though, so walking around for about 1/2 hour was enough for me. i would rather stay in an area where enough foot traffic still occur but not drunken foot vomit-propelling traffic.

the group i met with were avoiding cajun and creole food for dinner, much to my disappointment. we ended up making reservations at an italian restaurant, ristorante carmelo. when we arrived, we were directed to wait at the bar while our table was being set up. the bartender was a grumpy old man who insisted that a mojito did not include lime. the girl who ordered it wanted to try the drink for the first time. i had to assure her that it tastes much better when it's made properly. already irritated, we were led to our table. we asked for balcony/outdoors seating, which we got. it was just in a dark corner of the balcony where we couldn't read the menu and could barely make out each others' faces around the table. we would've gladly waited for a table where we could see. also, we were so packed into the corner that we had to pass the drinks down the table because the waiter couldn't reach those at the far end. thankfully, the wait staff was much friendlier and more helpful than the bartender. also, the food was decent. it wasn't great italian, but it was fine. the bruschetta was definitely odd though. normally, the tomatoes and basil are chopped to make eating the dish easy. at this restaurant, the cherry tomatoes are cut in half and placed flat-side down on the garlic bread with a sprig of basil on top. yes, a sprig. like a garnish when it's supposed to be integral to the dish. also, one of the girls who ordered pizza had sprigs of rosemary tossed on with the rest of the toppings. when you can easily spend $70 per person, i expect the herbs to have gone through some sort of care and preparation. the rest of the entrees were fine. i just ordered the fettecine bolognese because i didn't want to spend much at a place that didn't seem to want to please our party. is this what restaurants do when you order mixed drinks instead of wine? i'd consider recommending the restaurant for take out but definitely not dine in.

sunday morning involved waiting for the girls to pack and check out. the plan was to stuff all their luggages in my car, park it somewhere, and drop them off at another hotel where they had booked reservations for a conference. after finally checking out and reparking the car, we search for breakfast. when we saw the line at cafe du monde, we crossed the street and grabbed real breakfast instead. afterwards, we looked for the trolley cars that run into the garden district. the cars, however, were not running their full course post-katrina. we headed back into the french quarters and grabbed some beignets, something my sister made me promise to have during this visit. it's basically a funnel cake shaped like a square donut. funnel cakes are something i always look forward to so the beignet was still satisfying.

after dropping off the party at their second hotel, i headed for the garden district. i didn't see much however. i don't think i went far enough into it. i stumbled upon the contemporary art center though and spent a very quiet 40 minutes there, admiring the black and white prints and other pieces on display by local high schoolers. there was also an exhibit by carlos estevez and another cuba artist whose name i can't recall. i loved estevez's drawings of these mechanical puppets that have dots where their joints would be, and the dots are connected in an intricate manner that eventually lead up to the unknown puppeteer off the canvas. each puppet has a red dot on their heads with a line that leads directly up to the puppeteer. he's also working on a project of casting bottles with a rolled up piece of drawing and writing into the ocean. i hope the next time i go to the beach, i'd find one of them.

overall, it was a good trip. i wish i had more time in the city and definitely more time with the one friend i drove 5 hours each way to see. she accompanied me on saturday afternoon to walk around the french quarters while the rest of the group took naps at the hotel. we were both determined to enjoy the city, not the hotel, while we were there. the best part of the walk was sneaking into the omni hotel, up to the 7th floor where they have a rooftop pool, a small bar, and a tiny observation deck. not that we cared for the pool or the bar but we loved the view. it was breathtaking to see the rooftops of all the buildings, new and old, in the quarters. i took the most pictures on this trip that afternoon. probably because i was happiest.