anxiety

i forgot that nyc can be a little intimidating. i feel like such a wimp that i have yet to venture the city by myself. it's kind of atypical of me. on my previous visits to nyc, i had always felt so bold, hopping on the subway to get from one place to another, enjoying being surrounded by people, absorbing the energy of a metropolis. i guess it really is different to visit a place versus living there. or maybe i'm just anxious at this point, trying to get settled in and worrying about getting a job. i feel like b is now the big sister, taking me by the hand to get things set up. at this point, i feel like i'm crashing at b's as opposed to actually living in OUR apartment. how weird. but it should get better next week. even today, i feel kind of productive making sure the cable and phone technicians got our services up and running. and my stuff arrives tomorrow so i can at least begin to feel more settled in having things to set up in the apartment. oh great...unpacking...