hogwarts ~ ncssm

the latin teacher at my former high school contributed an article to the raleigh news & observer, comparing hogwarts to my high school, north carolina school of science & mathematics. (i had already graduated by the time this teacher started at the school.) i'm currently reading book 7, the deathly hallows, and have repeatedly brought up this comparison as well while talking to one of my best friends whom i had met at ncssm. besides the fact that the harry potter books are a wonderful read in and of themselves, one of the reasons that i love the books so much is the similarity that i see in harry's experience at hogwarts with my experience at ncssm, as the article describes. i rarely reread books, and the harry potter series is one of the exceptions.

the other connections i share with harry has nothing to do with school. one is more of a trivia while the other is one that pains me to think about. i should get back to finishing the deathly hallows so i can discuss it with friends.

rat zapper & apt hunting

when we woke up yesterday morning, we noticed the red light flashing on the rat zapper. i couldn't remember what it meant. my sister's fiance peered into it and saw a little mouse dead in it. this was our first new york kill. i'd prefer the zapper to never kill any other mice/rats simply because i don't even want them here in the first place. but if they are here, i'm glad the zapper has our backs.

after the excitement of the killing, we began our apartment hunting. we saw 2 places: both were supposed to be 2 bedroom apartments. the ad on craigslist for the first place was a total lie. not only was it not a 2 bedroom, but there were no bedrooms. it's just the basement of a building with no rooms. there were 2 bathrooms with shower stalls. there were, however, no delineation between the shower stall and the rest of the bathroom. there were no shower curtain rods. also, all the walls and flooring were covered in shiny, black granite tiles. my sister deemed it a porn studio. all it needed was a disco ball and some cameras, and the party is on. it would explain the missing shower curtain rods though.

the second place was in the really nice neighborhood of brooklyn heights where there are rumors that trader joe's has bought a space nearby. the apartment itself, however, was just a little small. there was basically no living room. the apartment had a small bathroom with only a toilet and a sink, two bedrooms, and a kitchen that also contained the bathtub.

we will be looking at a supposedly 3 bedroom today. i hope it's at least normal.

creepy guys again

as i was on the escalator, exiting a grocery store today, the guy standing behind me tried to give me his business card. he said that he noticed me while waiting in line and thought i was really beautiful. he kept STARING at me while he talked. i shook my head at his offer. he asked me if i was married. i told him no, i'm not interested, and refused his card. thankfully, there were lots of people around. i got a little apprehensive that he would start following me. he just gave off that creepy vibe.

what am i doing that's attracting these crazies? and then the ones i want to attract don't respond. argh.

a battle

last night, i went to bed tired and felt so sure that it was the night to break the recent streak of insomnia. it's been going for about a week now. as i was lying in bed, my eyes closed, my breath steady, i felt myself drifting away. or more accurately, my consciousness drifting away. just at the brink of entering my subconscious, however, i encountered a wall of some sort. it felt like a film or a membrane that would cave in when i pressed upon it, but it remained unbreakable. i could not push through it. when it rejected me, my conscious came to me fully. i attempted to fall asleep again, and the same wall appeared. it simply refused to let me through into my subconsciousness. so i spent the rest of the night, lying as still as i could with my eyes closed and my breath steady. i was in at least a semi-conscious state for the rest of the night.

i feel that there's a battle between my conscious or subsconscious, or if such a thing is even possible. i don't think i'm going crazy. i wonder if having read the wind-up bird chronicle recently has anything to do with what's happening. i'm tired during the day, and with the exception of yesterday, i would not allow myself to take naps, an attempt to keep myself exhausted in hopes of being able to sleep that night. also, i am tired when i'm in my bed, in the darkness. i just can't fall asleep. now, it's at a point where i don't even have thoughts racing through my head. some thoughts drift in and out, but their pace would not normally keep me from falling asleep. i took a nap yesterday, and i didn't encounter this wall. i wonder, however, if i was able to fall sleep because i intended for it to be only a nap, that i wouldn't stay in my subconscious long even if i were able to access it. i want to know what's brewing in my subconscious, and i will break through that wall sooner or later.

more insomnia

i had insomnia again last night, but it was a little different than the previous nights. i didn't actually get out of bed out of frustration and watched tv to put myself to sleep. i just stayed in bed with my eyes closed with good thoughts from a really great day running through my head, not bad thoughts for a change. it was more like when you can't sleep when you're excited about something. i still prefer sleep though which i hope will take over tonight.

harry potter and the order of the phoenix

my friend and i saw the movie yesterday. it's difficult to judge it on its own since i've read the book and am actually in the process of rereading it (and the half-blood prince) to prepare myself for the deathly hallows. i recently rewatched the globlet of fire and prisoner of azkaban and realized that i had probably criticized those two films too much. i will have to watch the order of the phoenix again when it comes out on dvd to allow enough time between reading the book and rewatching the film.

the changes i noticed in the film made sense. i appreciated the quickened pacing of the opening, from the playground to the order taking harry to 12 grimmauld place. the film portrayed the drought much more vividly than my imagination did from reading. despite the drought, there were a lot of plants mentioned in the book. but in the movie, the yellowed grass in the playground created a sense of desperation lurking in the air. even the rain offered no relief. instead it brought more danger, the dementors, as if any sense of balance that had existed in the world has dissipated.

as the credits were rolling, i realized that quidditch did not even get mentioned once in the film. the sport has always been a huge part of harry, a natural skill that earned him respect among his peers and also a link between him and his father. but now that i'm rereading the book, i see that quidditch actually played a more important character developing role for ron than harry in this installment. if it had been a movie about ron, i would've been upset about the omission. this is a movie about harry, however, so i am okay with it.

maybe i'll have more qualms after i've finished the rereading, but overall, i highly enjoyed the film.

insomnia

i've had insomnia for 2 nights in a row. i've never had insomnia for more than one night at a time. when i look at my reflection, i can see the darkness that's developed around my eyes. they look bruised. i purposely didn't take naps yesterday, and i'm not letting myself sleep until a normal bedtime rolls around. i will beat it.

reading in public

i sat next to a woman on the subway today who was reading a book titled, "how to control your man." i caught the first 2 sentences of the introduction entitled, "how i qualify to write this book": "i am a man, and it takes a man to know how to control one." (i'm only paraphrasing.) not that i would ever read a book like that. okay, maybe for amusement. even so, i wouldn't be reading it in public. i guess this is just going to show how judgemental i am, but why would someone be interested in wanting to control their man? the reader must have just gone over the brink of 40 and was wearing a mask of make-up. i couldn't see if she had a wedding ring.

maybe i'm naive, but i don't want a man that i would want to or have to control. i actually can't stand couples where you know the guy is completely whipped. maybe some guys prefer to be whipped? it just comes across as an unbalanced relationship. if i was with a guy who would appease to my every whim, i know i would clobber him. certain people bring out a sadistic tendency in me to push them to their limits. it's probably a mere reflection of my own insecurities, but i can't help myself.

fennel toothpaste

i grabbed a tube of fennel toothpaste on the fly not long ago, and i am not quite sure if i like it. i LOVE fresh fennel. i discovered fennel at a july 4th party last year, and after a few bites, completely fell in love with it. the hint of licorice is so refreshing in the summer heat, and i never liked licorice before.

i think the toothpaste is a little too sweet, and i miss the minty-fresh feel. maybe i just need to get used to it.

home?

i returned to new york today, and it doesn't feel like home, even though it technically is. it's what's on my driver's license and where all my mail is delivered. but having "lived" here for only six months, including a miserable winter that resulted in wind burns streaked across my face and then leaving for shreveport, louisiana for three and a half months, new york doesn't feel like home.

it might not help that i'm leaving for another four months in less than two weeks from today either.

okay. instead of dwelling on new york's status as "home", i'm going to catch up on my visit with my mom in jacksonville, north carolina. luckily, she had the first week of july off from work so we were able to travel a little. our first trip was to emerald isle. we normally go to hammocks beach in swansboro but figured we should go to another one, just to see. emerald isle is still really nice, just not as nice as hammocks beach, which i'll get to later.

on july 4th, we traveled to new bern and stumbled upon a free day at tryon palace, the only day of the year when it opens its grounds to the public for free. i don't remember having been there on any school field trips although my sister had gone multiple times during her days in the north carolina public school system. my mom definitely had never been there before. we didn't go on any tours but just walked around the gardens, which were beautifully kept. afterwards, we went to the mall.

later in the week, we made a day trip to wilmington to have lunch with a friend of mine. as we walked from the parking garage to the restaurant, i think we passed by julia stiles. anyway, my mom had thai food for the first time. i think she liked it but not love it like i do. it was nice to see my friend and to finally meet his girlfriend, whom he had talked about a lot. after a stroll along the boardwalk, we went to the mall.

i'm breaking here to express how much shopping irritates me. unless there's something i'm looking for specifically, i don't like to shop. maybe it's a point in my life that i've reached where shopping is no longer an appealing activity. also, knowing that we were making a trip to chapel hill later in the week where we could stop by the southpoint mall, a much bigger mall than the ones in new bern and wilmington and includes an outdoor section, i really didn't want to go to the two smaller malls.

so yes, we went to chapel hill for my friend's harry potter party, which was a lot of fun. she and her husband made brunswick stew and yorkshire pudding. yorkshire pudding is new to both my mom and me. my mom loved it. i liked it but not love it like she did. we watched two of the harry potter movies and went on an elaborate and creatively set up treasure hunt. then, i was introduced to the wii. an ingenius product. my sister has already requested one for her graduation present but now i'm not so sure if i'll be able to hand it over to her when i'm able to find one.

we spent the night in chapel hill and then drove to hammocks beach the next day. i don't think i can ever find another beach i love more than this place. it's kind of a pain to get to which weeds out a lot of people. you have to take a ferry and then walk about 1/2 mile to cross bear island to arrive at the beach. also, as a state park with a huge emphasis on preserving the ecology of the island, it's kept extremely clean. no alcohol is allowed either. whereas you can find little mounts of cigarette butts at emerald isle, there are little clumps of seaweed that have washed ashore, sprinkled along hammocks beach. the waves were so great that afternoon that i wished i had a surfboard instead of my little boogie board, with which i still managed to catch quite a few waves.

the visit with mom wouldn't have been complete had we not been able to go there. while talking with the ferry captain on the way back to the mainland, we realized that we've been going to this beach for 14 years. our first visit occurred while i was still in middle school, and we've gone pretty much every year since then. i only hope we can still go every year from now on. summer would not feel like summer without a trip there.

good-bye shreveport

this is my last day in shreveport, louisiana. i'll be leaving early in the morning. a lot of my out-of-town co-workers weren't very fond of this town. i'll admit that i don't think i want to grow roots here, but it's not that awful.

okay. the foul stench that permeates the air on some mornings is pretty hard to bear. a downtown full of casinos is kind of sad. fields are turning into parking lots by the minute, typical characteristic of any growing cities nowadays.

but there are some bright spots. the newest hotel being built, the hilton, is going to be the first major hotel in the city that doesn't have a casino. also, i've recently discovered the robinson film center that is in the works to expand. dallas and fort worth is only 3 hours away, a manageable day trip, for my art museum cravings. there's my staple breakfast joint, straun's, as well, breakfast being my favorite meal of the day.

i don't think i'll miss this place necessarily, but i'm not bolting out of here. i am eager to visit my mom and then head back to new york. i wonder how i'll readjust to new york, being so compacted and never silent. i really enjoyed hearing birds in the mornings and crickets at night here. also, i'll really miss straun's. i have yet to find a favorite breakfast place in new york. i guess i'll have to work on that when i get back.

fort worth

i made a trip to fort worth on saturday. most of the day was spent at the kimball art museum and the modern art museum, the two buildings being right across the street from one another. the kimball had an exhibit of portraits over the course of the 20th century. what caught my attention the most was the relationship between money and expression. a good portion of the portraits consisted of the artists' patrons or their families. it's the irony of artists who we generally think of as poor, the poor starving artist, but they have ties to the wealthy. in fact, their lifelihood and the sustaining power of their works are dependent upon the upper class. something to think about.

at the modern art museum, i saw an exhibit called "pretty baby," artworks the dealt with childhood. i didn't realize that yoshitomo nara's work would be part of the exhibit although it was an obvious inclusion. i have only seen one of his works in person: a fiberglass sculpture of a black dog at lacma. at this exhibit, i saw several of nara's paintings, one sculpture piece, and 2 drawings. i was excited to see a piece that was relatively new: the thinker, a little girl with chestnut brown hair and short bangs, wearing an orangey shirt with splotches across the collar, her eyes closed with 5 eyelashes on each eye lid. she was so cute. an artist that i wasn't familiar with whose work jumped out at me was makiko kudo. her paintings also focus on girls but just on the brink of adolescence. one memorable piece consists of two girls in their school uniforms, painted in magenta pink, lying in a green field, sharing their contemplations about life, surrounded by penguins. kudo's works are at once surreal in their situations and concrete in their emotions.

the ron mueck exhibit that i saw in brooklyn has made its way to fort worth. it was so much nicer to see it in fort worth; i didn't have to elbow through throngs of patrons to catch a 2-second glimpse of his work. his sculptures are amazing. they are so lifelike except for their size - either too big or too small - and they're frozen in a moment that entices you to not only look at them but to actually watch them, as if in anticipation that they're going to do something.

overall, the museums were small, and their permanent collections were not exactly outstanding. the architecture, however, was pretty impressive. both had wall fountains that calmed the surrounds and gave off a sense of coolness in the texan heat. the restaurant at the modern art museum has a great view of a manmade pond that hugs the glass section of the building. the interior, however, was not as well designed. i was confused as to how i was supposed to go through the exhibits. some spaces seemed to have been created to display pieces because there was just space. some of the displays didn't even have anything to do with exhibit that occupied that section of the floor.

after the museums, i drove around the town, through downtown and the stockyards. i stopped in dallas at oishii, a sushi/vietnamese restaurant, for dinner before making my way back to shreveport. it was a fulfilling day of good art and good food.

missing birds

this nytimes article about birds disappearing almost made me cry. it makes me sad every time i learn something that affirms what i told my math teacher in the 8th grade: the purpose of human beings is to destroy the planet.

just because we're finding ways to live a sustainable life doesn't mean that we aren't continuing to hurt the biodiversity that exists on this planet. yes, for one species to survive, other species must be injured or even killed. everything we eat comes from a living thing, animal or plant. but even when buildings are designed to use dramatically less electricity and built with "eco-friendly" materials, we can't forget that we're still taking over another species living space. the planet is only so big, ocean and land, and we're taking over more and more of it.

hong kong plowed hills flat and dumped the earth into the ocean to create more land, a practice called land reclamation. residential skyscrapers are built on these pieces of land. i doubt that hong kong is the only place that creates land in this manner. not only did we destroy a piece of land that was inhabited by other living creatures, but we also took over a piece of the ocean. maybe i'm being too dramatic in saying that it's a tiny baby step in our take-over of the ocean.

also, new houses built in this country are getting bigger and bigger. all those hollywood stars who bought priuses in the rush to the newest fad--to be environmentally conscious--live in giant houses that take over a huge plot of land and use an immense amount of materials for its infrastructure. oh, and the furniture. i wonder if the same prius drivers also own furniture made from exotic materials ripped from the rain forests.

yes, doing one thing is a start, but it's more of a matter of adjusting your entire lifestyle to cause the least amount of damage to the rest of the species on this planet. we need it for our own survival. what will we eat if we kill off and force out the rest of the living organisms?

creepy guys

i'm the only person left on my end of the office, and anyone who enters and exits the suite has to walk past me. a guy came in today, dressed in a t-shirt and shorts. i said hello, and instead of introducing himself as one should when entering someone else's space, he took a look at me and said, "you're cute." no "hello." just "you're cute."

after a couple of questions, i found out that he merely wanted to know what information he could use as a reference to look for a new job. i work in an industry where pretty much everyone freelances so you're always looking for the next gig. the parent company dissolves the subsidiary companies which we work for once the project is completed, probably for liability reasons. what he wanted to know was totally legitimate, especially for someone who has never worked in this field. i was just surprised by the first thing that came out of his mouth.

i don't think he meant to be creepy, but i wonder if he realized how creepy he came across. i wonder if i'm only reacting this way because i've been living in pretty urban places. would a southern country girl have also taken his comment as creepy or just as a compliment? also, are guys really that dense that they don't know they might seem creepy in situations such as this? after all, today's incident took place in an office. at the very least, what he said was not professional. good luck to him getting his next job.

drag show

last night, i went to my first drag show. it was fun but a little disappointing. i expected it to be more talent-based. the show we went to featured each of the drag queen lip-syncing to a song, some contemporary, some classic. some of the audience, mostly drunk, went to the stage to tip each drag queen; it cheapened the show. i'd much prefer a place where they would charge an entry fee and the drag queens actually sang. one of the drag queens stood out as an exceptional lip-syncer. not only did she stick to her performance when she accepted tips and mouthed 'thank you' to each of the tippers (there were some who kind of let their performance lag when they took tips), she had the best make-up and costumes.

nonetheless, i was impressed with all the dancing that was attempted on 4-inch heels. needless to say, i was shamed that as an actual woman, i wouldn't even be able to walk in a straight line wearing the shoes they wore.

so the next drag show i attend must have real singing in addition to the dancing on super-high heels.

summer is back on!

maybe not the whole season, but as of now, i have a week of it. i had a flight to fly back to new york tomorrow at seven AM. at around two o'clock this afternoon, i got a call that the ct gig has been pushed. my start date wouldn't be until july 9. so i'm staying in shreveport to properly finish my current job, as originally planned. at the end of the month, i'll fly to visit my mom in north carolina. i'll be able to spend that whole first week of july with her.

if only this had been the original plan, it would have worked out perfectly and much less stress rearranging travel. i'm exhausted from re-pulling everything back to its original shape. thank goodness i have the beach to look forward to.

missing summer

having taken on another job immediately following this one, summer will escape me. i'm leaving shreveport, lousiana this weekend and heading up to stratford, connecticut for the next gig. before the ct job came about, i had planned to visit my mom in north carolina for the first week of july. she has the entire week off from work, and it would've been nice to be able to take her to our beloved hammock beach in swansboro for a day. the rest of the week would consist of doing not very much, the way a vacation should be.

now, i'll be working through the summer. as the temperature is creeping higher and higher every year, though, maybe i'm lucky to have missed the hottest season of the year. if the trend sticks, i'll be able to hit the beach when the job ends in september. the water will still be warm. it might be even not as riping hot. gotta take those jobs when i can though. work now, play later.

caffeine 2

the rain stopped. i ran out to a non-starbucks nearby and got a shot of expresso. my brain stopped aching within 10 minutes. i wonder if the caffeine coursed through my body that quickly or if it's all in my mind. but does it really matter if it's physical or psychological? the effect - agony to be followed by relief - is the same. maybe it's both. the ease in which i fall into an addiction is why i don't smoke or do drugs - a caffeine addiction is much more affordable. i'm also grateful that i'm allergic to alcohol.

caffeine

it's storming this afternoon. i haven't left the apartment yet. i had forgotten about coffee and don't have an ounce of caffeine in any form here. i don't care for sodas and i don't drink tea often enough to justify purchasing some for a merely 2-3 month stay. a slight headache is taking hold of me. but i'm going to stay strong and wait until the rain subsides. or maybe i should just brave the storm.

pirates

i saw pirates of the caribbean: at world's end over the weekend. not as fun as the second pirates and definitely not as fun as the first. the pacing was a little dragged out. i almost fell asleep twice, although i was pretty exhausted walking into it. even so, it didn't exactly keep me awake.

problems were too easily resolved, but in its simplicity, it was still trying to be complicated. the writers seemed to have had more fun sticking in supposedly witty lines than giving the story a sense of fullness.

i was surprised to see chow yun-fat when he appeared onscreen. i had no idea he was a part of it. to me, it would be like seeing al pacino appear in kung-fu hustle 2. his character, captain sao feng, had very little depth. there was no explanation regarding his history with jack sparrow. the way his character dealt with women was repulsive, but i guess that's just what being a pirate is all about? if he's only supposed to play the character as a disgusting, selfish, piggish pirate, then his performance was great. it's just that out of all the captains in the congregation introduced in the story, his character played the largest role. i wished there was more to him. why bother having this character take on a role as big as it did if there's no depth to him? chow yun-fat's acting skills were so wasted in this movie. but sadly, if he wants to break into hollywood, he has to take these roles in dumb blockbusters for exposure.

also, i'm not sure about the history of singapore, but hong kong, where they're building the newest disney theme park, actually was a haven for pirates before the british gained sovereignty over the island. i wonder why captain sao feng's base was set in singapore as opposed to hong kong. chow yun fat is from hong kong as well. besides, wouldn't it be a plug for the theme park if they set that part of the story in hong kong instead of singapore? that confused me. at least they kept to cantonese as the sole dialect of chinese that surfaces in the movie.

as for the 4th installment, i won't be eager to see it.