chinese new year

i'm not really sure what happened, but this chinese new year has been anticlimatic. it's my favorite holiday, but it felt really deflated this year. maybe i'm not feeling lonely and miserable because i have family with me this year so i didn't make much effort to celebrate. i cleaned the house a little more thoroughly than usual and kept vegetarian on the first day (it's bad luck to start off the new year by shedding blood). we called mom. fireworks were set off in manhattan chinatown, but i didn't go. well, the slushy streets were not an enticing factor, especially in chinatown. i'm not sure if i would've gone though had the weather been nice and the streets were actually clean. it is the year of the pig - i take it that it's okay to just eat, get fat, and (try to) be happy.

happy chinese new year!

valentine's day

i'm surprised that i didn't despise this holiday as i normally do. i didn't dread it. maybe it helps to not be exposed to all the commercialization of this day by staying couped in my apartment. sure, there were tv ads specifically tailored for this holidays (every time i see a jewelry ad, i only see blood) but cutting out the oversaturation of pink in all the store windows helped. maybe the city is so grey as well, and the weather has been gloomy. the snow and sleet kind of overshadowed the festive atmosphere, as if mother nature was forcing us to be alone today, a confirmation that being a singleton is perfectly fine, in contrast to the marketers' message.

anyway, i sincerely wish everyone a happy v day amidst all the gloom.

madness

an astronaut driving cross-country wearing diapers to confront her nemesis in a love triangle. anna nicole smith's death getting as much coverage as ford's, a former u.s. president. the u.s. government losing 8 billion dollars in cash. what is the world coming to? of course, there's also the confirmation of global warming that is long overdue. i thought this was a phenomenon every one in the u.s. learned in elementary school. (that's when i learned it.) waterworld has been on bravotv lately. i can't bring myself to see it because i feel the probability of the world actually ending up like the movie is increasing. it frightens me. i'm not a good swimmer. my kids (when i have them) will definitely learn to swim like olympic champions, and i can only hope that it'll take longer than my lifetime for the world to reach that stage.

but back to the psycho astronaut. i guess this incidence proves that we're only humans after all. she's obviously someone who's well-educated (probably even better educated than most of the well-educated), and yet, her life has turned into another episode on jerry springer (is that show still on?).

a friend pointed out to me that anna nicole smith's death is getting as much coverage as gerald ford's. not that there should be a contest of whose death gets more coverage. but is it because ford was never "elected" to be president that he was brought down to her level or is it because she married some geezer-tycoon that moved her up the american social/cultural ladder to ford's level?

the 8 billion dollars in cash. i can't even fathom that number, 8 billion, of ANYTHING, let alone in the form of cold hard cash. i get pissed if i lost 8 dollars and would totally freak if i lost 80 dollars. but 8 billion? 9 zeros follow the 8. i've never even counted that high before. the video clips of the bricks of ben franklins shrink-wrapped onto giant crates (yes, not in metal cases with locks but just clear plastic) that was showed on the nightly news astounded me. having figured out my parents' taxes this afternoon, i can't believe my parents who hold laborious jobs, especially for their age, owe money to a government that would lose 8 billion dollars. if we just don't pay taxes, then this idiot government won't have the money to lose...hm...i'll have to think about that.

tv junkie

first, it was project runway. then, top chef, australian open, acc (so good to be back on the east coast!), and maybe top design, which started this wednesday. all this on top of the office, nova science now, and frontline. oh, and of course, pretty much anything on food network. now that we have cable, i'm watching too much tv. the tv i had in california received barely 3 channels so i relied on the radio. i could listen to kpcc all day and have done so on occasion. i know i really don't watch that much tv. 3-5 hours a day isn't that unusual, right? it just seems so excessive compared to what i had been used to. i feel like my life revolves around the weekly tv schedule. with the radio, it just stays on while i can do other things. it's much harder to work on things with the tv because it involves visual and audio concentration whereas radio just requires audio concentration. i've been unplugging the tv at the end of the day so i won't be tempted to turn it on, just to see what's on and veg. i should listen to wnyc more often, but they don't have all the programs that i used to listen to. thank goodness for podcasts, saving me from drowning in the abundance of crap tv and giving me no excuses to not be productive.

annoying calls

okay. i am one of the lucky few who managed to leave college with no student loans. however, we've been receiving about 5 calls a day with solicitations to consolidate/better-finance/whatever my supposed student loans. it drives me crazy that they ask for me by my first name, like they're someone i know or someone i'm expecting a call from. we've added our phone number to the do-not-call registrar, but unfortunately, it takes about 6 months for the our number to be officially added to the list. what i don't understand is how do these people obtain my information, even if it's incorrect, anyway? it's frustrating that we've taken to screening calls which i've always found annoying when people do it (it's one thing if i'm not available to take ANY calls at all and another to answer one and not another; i find it rude and disrespectful to the other party). i hate telemarketers. i hope i never have to be so desperate for work as to be one of these participants of life's irritants.

proposed health care tax break

in his state of the union address, bush proposed a tax break that supposedly aids health insurance coverage for more people: families would receive a tax break of up to $15000/yr and individuals would receive up to $7500/yr for their expenditures towards acquiring health insurance. what i don't understand is that if you already have health insurance, you probably work on a job that pays well, or at least decent, enough to include a benefits package, or you make enough to be able to afford it on your own. most people who are uninsured don't work on these jobs though. they work on much lower paying jobs where the employer, most likely small businesses, doesn't feel they can afford health insurance coverage for their workers. and of course, the employees themselves don't make enough to afford it either. health insurance is expensive in this country. so how does this help increase health care coverage in this country? shouldn't "extending health care coverage" be focused on getting those who aren't already covered to be included, not benefiting those who are already covered?

people who fall in this income bracket (who themselves cannot afford health insurance and do not work for an employer who provide it) will not use a portion of their already-low income to buy health insurance even though they can get that money back the following april, assuming that there aren't any changes to the legislation. they're already struggling to pay rent, food, other basic necessities, focused on making ends meet on a day-to-day basis. $15000 is 50% of the total income for some families. this feeble attempt to improve health care coverage is so preposterous that it's an insult to the severity of the problem. the money that has been wasted by this administration probably could've created a universal health care system, at least start one if not establish. what is amazing is that despite being one of the wealthiest countries in the world, the u.s. is one of the very few 1st world countries that doesn't have a universal health care system. how are we supposed to be protected by the government of our unalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness when we don't have health care? without health and the guaranteed aid to maintain health for all, we have no protection of these rights or any rights for that matter. well, those who can afford it have the rights. i guess all being created equal doesn't mean that all will be treated equally.

golden globes

maybe this is a sign that i'm getting old and jaded: i don't really care to watch award shows anymore. the golden globes was on last night, and i found myself unable to listen to anyone complete their acceptance speech. maybe it's the plethora of awards for this industry that has diluted the significance of any of them. maybe it's knowing how much politics play into the decision of the the winners. maybe it's the self-congratulatory factor that annoys the hell out of me.

here are the films i really liked this year:

children of men
the departed
little miss sunshine
pan's labyrinth (favorite)
science of sleep
stranger than fiction
thank you for smoking
volver

to be fair, i haven't seen EVERYTHING, but with the exception of the departed, there wasn't much recognition for them. i think i have pretty decent taste for movies (right?). i would actually say the departed might be my least favorite on this list - i thought it was great and was actually better than the original hong kong version from which it was remade. (i only liked the original hk version okay.) it just wasn't as creative and rich, however, as the rest of the films. maybe fantastical elements play too large of a role in my preference for a film. maybe i was really annoyed with some of the characters - they were caricatures. the characters could've remained strong without being so obvious and going over the top.

i do have to admit the fashion aspect of these awards shows is fun. nothing was really memorable last night, but the best (or worst) will probably appear at the oscars. and having ellen degeneres as host could be more entertaining as well. if not, let's hope there'll be something else on that evening that i could watch and flip to the oscars only during the commercial breaks.

pan's labyrinth

it will be pretty hard for any movie in 2007 to beat guillermo del toro's "pan's labyrinth". i was actually kind of exhausted when we went to see it last night, but i was kept on the edge of my seat throughout the film. the performances were superb. the effects were incredible. i'm not sure if it's cgi or not, but great effects only work when there's a great source of creativity and an incredible story involved. the two story lines were intertwined so beautifully together, and i loved the pace of the film. it drew me in slowly as the little girl revealed more and more of the fantasy, and despite the foreshadowing, it kept my utmost interest at all times. even though it comes across as a children's story, it's tremendously sophisticated and extremely tragic. the film is a testiment to del toro's genius. it's definitely one that i will invest money for a dvd.

sea change holiday

north carolina turned out to be a great trip. it was so nice to go to a place that felt clean and fresh, but we also felt like we were cut off from civilization. my sister and i were without internet until the end of the week. my mom's house has no internet since she doesn't use computers. our easiest option is a nearby coffeehouse. we just didn't get a chance to go until the end of the trip. we also went on a hunt for the new york times. there didn't seem to be any place in town that carried the paper. it was like traveling back in time to pre-21st-century.

however, we reencountered civilization at the north carolina aquarium in pine knoll shores. it was kind of a funny trip. when we travel by car now as a family, my sister or i would drive and our parents would sit in the back of the car. my sister drove on the way to the aquarium, and our parents kept asking "are we there yet?" the entire way. we had visited the aquarium a long time ago, but it was recently renovated. it has vastly improved: a much larger space with a lot more exhibits and animals than we remembered. our parents were delighted with the fish, commenting on which ones would be tasty. luckily, they spoke in cantonese so no one around us knew what they said. they were impressed with the large sharks but especially loved the moon jellies which appeared as ghostly, floating, glow-in-the-dark round shapes with trailing strands. i loved the sea turtles. they looked kind of clumsy as their flippers flapped awkwardly, propelling and navigating them through the water. they were so cute! on our way home, i drove. our parents zonked out in the back, their eyes closed and heads nodding rhythmically with the car ride. there have been countless times when my sister and i have taken over making household decisions and acted as the adults for the family, regardless of our age at the time. maybe my sister and i are actual adults now, and we are all older. it has also been a long time since all four of us had spent so much time together. but this car ride, looking at the two of them in the rearview mirror, sleeping in the back of the car like exhausted children after a day of fun, made me feel different. without a doubt, i felt like an adult. there have been moments when i feel old, jaded, exhausted, but this was different.

we all played mah-jong one evening. i felt rusty. it's a game i never thought i would feel rusty playing it. my mom and my sister won. i lost, but my dad also lost. he wasn't even trying to let us win. he had always been the best player among us. he would wait for a bigger hand just so the rest of us would have more time to get our tiles together. it's kind of strange that at a certain point, we can grow old and young simultaneously as we age. but regardless of my parents becoming older or younger, i'm definitely growing older and learning to understand what exactly it means to be an adult. i think i've finally caught a real glimpse of adulthood. no wonder grown-ups tell kids to cherish their youth. not that youth is better, but it's definitely different and it'll be a while before they get a chance to recapture it.

best wishes to all in 2007.

north carolina

leaving for north carolina tomorrow. i'm relieved to leave the city, as i was always relieved to leave la when i lived there. i love the urban setting, but i find myself more relaxed when i got back to north carolina. maybe it's just leaving 'home' that relaxes me. maybe it's an escapist complex (i just made up that term - i have no clue what it officially should be called). i think i'm most unsettled when i start to feel settled. i knew that i wasn't going to stay in la forever, and after 4 years of living there, i left, maybe because i got anxious that i'd end up there forever. i'm not sure if i want to stay in ny forever either. i love not having to drive, but i don't think i'd stay here forever either. i'm not sure where i'd stay forever. maybe i won't ever find a place to stay forever. i can be a nomad forever, but i'm not sure if i'll like that. maybe age will make me settle at some point.

by the way, my sister is now engaged. they already think of themselves as life partners, just not officially married. i'm just glad that i can now call address her guy as her fiance. boyfriend has been too insubstantial of a term for him.

safe travels to everyone and happy holidays.

food

i finished the master cleanse/lemonade diet a couple of days ago. the diet involves deprivation of solid foods and substaining merely on a mixture of water, lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper. the goal is mainly to flush out your digestive system and rid your body of toxins (my main goal) although some people use it as a weightloss diet (not my goal). the diet lasted for the minimum of 10 days. before embarking on the diet, i researched blogs and other postings of people who shared their experience. almost all of them said that you wouldn't even care for food after the 4th or 5th day. i became very curious that your body actually wouldn't yearn for food because i'm always up for food. i love food, but i wanted to see if this diet really would make me look at food differently and feel refreshed and clean afterwards. by my 4th or 5th day, i started to dream about food. in the dreams, i'd eat and then feel guilty that i've cheated and ruined the diet. i obsessed more and more about food. maybe making breakfast for my sister and preparing dinner for my dad wasn't really helping the process. also, since i'm not a big fan of sweets, it was hard to limit myself to the sweet lemonade. i couldn't wait to eat real food again.

now that i'm back to eating the usual fare, i feel a little bogged down. i'm not sure if i can do the diet again, but it's made me realize that the way i eat is an indulgence. but then, i really don't indulge in anything else. it's one luxury that i think i'll keep.

ignorance

at the post office today, an old woman (she was no lady) walked in and got in the line behind me. i'm not sure if i ticked her off, but as soon as she took her spot, she began talking nonstop: "i was born and raised in this country and you people come here and take all our things. you here in america so act american. a bunch of cockroaches speaking your ack-ack-ack. you here in america and need to speak english." that's politely paraphrasing what she was saying. i noticed a trace of alcoholic stench on her, but she was dressed nicely. if she hadn't opened her mouth, you would've mistook her for a lady. so i didn't expect something so vile to come out of her. the funny thing is that she mention god, that she was right with god and god knows. my guess is that she's christian which means she believes in hell. and the irony is that she's pretty much bought herself a one-way ticket there. would the christian god accept anyone with so much hate in heaven? also, the things she said actually made me think of the kkk and their attitude towards any non-wasps. but this woman was black! and because she's so old, she must've grown up before the civil rights and desegregation. she should know how wrong it is to be so hateful to people merely based on the color of their skin. the old is supposed to endowed us with their wisdom. this is one old woman who doesn't need to pass on anything. i just hope her family knows how she embarrasses herself in public and tries to help her.

high fidelity

this past sunday night, b and i saw high fidelity, broadway musical based on the movie which was based on the nick hornby book of the same title. not that i walked out singing the songs but it was highly entertaining. the lyrics were incredibly well written, and the cast was so energetic. it made me feel old. the musical makes the characters a bit younger than they are in the book so instead of the early/mid-30s as in the book, the characters were more in their mid/late-20s in the musical. maybe the dancing and singing made them seem younger. and i think the actors were younger than their characters too. but regardless, it made me feel old, mainly because i started to think, "i used to have energy and drive like them. now i don't." what sucks is that i still haven't figured out my life.

as for my new schedule, not that i've been following it meticulously but consciously making the effort to not turn to the internet for every little thing that pops in my head has made a difference today. i'm not going to list what i've done, but i feel quite productive.

also, i'm on day 2 of the master cleanse/lemonade diet. it's so hard smelling food and not being able to eat it. i'm still cooking, mainly for b, because i can't imagine not having food as a part of my life. i love it too much. at least someone should enjoy it. i'm already making a mental list of foods i want the day this ends. i miss food.

time

okay. there is a list of projects that i've been meaning to start or continue when i have time off, but i haven't touched any of it now that i actually have time off. i think i've found the problem - i'm spending WAY too much time on the internet. i've been at my computer ALL DAY today. it's excessive. so i've worked up a new plan, a kind of schedule, that will force me to limit the number of hours i get to go online each day. i've already reacquainted myself with the "off-power" function on the television when i find myself channel-surfing because there's nothing watchable. and now that YOU know i'm on this new plan, whether you care or not, self-restraint will be better enforced. isn't it funny how it works? if people know about something you've set for yourself, you stick to it better. it makes the thing more real than if it's only in your head, i guess.

coast of utopia

a couple of nights ago, b and i saw the first part of coast of utopia, the new tom stoppard trilogy. since it was opening night, we dressed up for it. just a little. it's something fun to do but only once in a while. as we were walking into the theatre, we passed by martha stewart! we saw other people who looked familiar, but we weren't sure who they were exactly. the play was brilliant - the philosophical jargon might've been over my head but i felt the same as when i would read something brilliant - there's a certain gravity and grace to it. the opening sequence of a piece of fabric billowing on the stage floor to imitate ocean waves and then sucked through a hole, leading to the first act, was breathtaking. the actors were all phenomenal. on our way to the after-party, tom stoppard actually walked with us, or rather with sarah ruhl, the writer of the play b is working on, the clean house. i saw the run of it, which had some problems in terms of performance since it was still in the working stages, but it was still fantastic. basically, we were walking in the presence of two geniuses. it was quite exhilarating and definitely humbling. it's nice to feel humble.

thanksgiving

whew. the cooking and feasting has ended. almost. leftovers. but yummy leftovers because the meal turned out quite beautifully. among the 4 of us, we had an 8-lb chicken (which my sister named the sumo-chicken), ham, apple-sausage stuffing, zucchini soup, focaccia, cornbread, collards, mac & cheese, butternut squash, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, gravy, and, of course, pumpkin pie. i miss cooking so much since i've been in new york - my dad likes to cook as well and has been cooking dinner EVERY NIGHT since i've been here. but he couldn't come to thanksgiving, and we demanded to cook the meal anyway. i loved it. i want to cook more despite the overflow of food in our fridge. most of the foods we had last night had been my first attempt, and we were relieved that everything turned out so well. okay, so the stuffing was a little burned on the bottom, but things could been a lot worse. one person was worried about the gravy because it's an essential addition to mashed potatoes, his favorite. i was determined to make it from the pan drippings as opposed to a box, which he has never done before. at the end, there were no mishaps, and we gorged in good company. thanksgiving couldn't have been better. hope you had a wonderful holiday as well.

hunger

with thanksgiving coming up where the average american is going to nearly gorge his/herself to death (i admit i'll be one of those people because i cook delicious food), there are still a lot of people who go hungry everyday in this country, including children. as if this very situation isn't inhumane enough for one of the wealthiest countries in the world, the u.s. agricultural department has decided to rid the term 'hunger' in its recent report on americans struggling to feed themselves and their families.

the terms 'low food security' and 'very low food security' have replaced 'food insecurity without hunger' and 'food insecurity with hunger' to describe the 35 million americans who have a difficult time getting enough to eat. uh, so should we now refer to poverty as 'low financial security' and 'very low financial security'? what better way to resolve the issue of hunger than to simply throw out the word? let's also throw out 'peace' so we won't have to pursue it anymore. (but then, what else would beauty queens want more than anything else in the world? hm...)

redefining a situation doesn't get rid of it. hunger, no matter how you want to word it, exists. not that you should feed everyone this holiday but be thankful that you're not struggling with hunger.

if you want to help, contact your local charity center to locate your nearest community soup kitchen. for new yorkers, contact new york city coalition against hunger - http://www.nyccah.org/index.html.

coffee stain 1

evidence of my addiction to coffee. i love tea, don't care for sodas, but am addicted to coffee.

politics

i'm not very good at discussing politics - i don't know enough to hold a truly intelligent conversation on the subject, and i get too emotional over certain issues. but still, i feel that we're experiencing a seachange. when bush was re-elected, i felt doom, no goodness at all. a seachange holds a glimmer of hope, that goodness can happen. but i'm skeptical considering how conservative with social issues the democratics had been moving. i can only hope that they were merely doing it to win back the ignorant populace, and now that they have regained some sort of power, they will distinguish themselves once again from the republicans.

it's been a season of irony with the sex scandals revealed among the republicans. i love that they will now all go to hell, as they all claim to believe to happen to homosexuals. i do feel bad for the humiliation their families are facing for their mistakes. the importance of being earnest.

baltimore/dc

i'm spending the week in baltimore. the city has such character - there are tons of decrepit buildings and awesome murals that i'm dying to take pictures of. i want to walk around the area where i'm staying with friends and try to get these pictures before leaving. visiting new places is always such a source of inspiration.

well, except dc. we walked from georgetown into the mall today, and there was only one building i kind of wanted to take a picture of but then didn't. dc is always so grey when i'm there, and the buidlings kind of blend in with the weather. when i do see cool stuff, like boldly colored row houses, we're in the car, and i'm not yet skilled enough to get my camera set up to take pictures quickly. i was also disappointed that the national gallery didn't have a photography section. maybe that's why i was so uninspired by dc. how can the national gallery not have a photography section? i hope we just missed it, not that the gallery didn't have one. it would be too sad if the latter was the case.

but we did see this one piece composed of mussel shells glued to a square canvas. for some reason, my friend and i were both drawn to it. i loved the green paint that blotted some of the insides of the shells to give them a sense of freshness, almost invoking the smell of the ocean. also, the dark, black/grey shells in 3-dimension made me think of an industrious city - metal/steel structures that evolve into skyscrapers, dirt and grime covering surface, smoke creating a layer of grey blanket that covers the city - and the fishing industry that is threatening ocean life. the splashes of green represents to me the few trees/greenery that manage to survive in this environment, as many cities have planted trees along streets and have created small parks, and also the beautiful spots in the ocean are still untouched by the spoils of human demands. the juxtaposition of the colors and textures characterizes the struggle between nature and human creations. the irony is that human beings are nature's creations, and sometimes i think that our supposed destruction of the planet is part of nature's plan.

or it's getting late and i'm just babbling because i really need to get some sleep after a long day...