hogwarts ~ ncssm

the latin teacher at my former high school contributed an article to the raleigh news & observer, comparing hogwarts to my high school, north carolina school of science & mathematics. (i had already graduated by the time this teacher started at the school.) i'm currently reading book 7, the deathly hallows, and have repeatedly brought up this comparison as well while talking to one of my best friends whom i had met at ncssm. besides the fact that the harry potter books are a wonderful read in and of themselves, one of the reasons that i love the books so much is the similarity that i see in harry's experience at hogwarts with my experience at ncssm, as the article describes. i rarely reread books, and the harry potter series is one of the exceptions.

the other connections i share with harry has nothing to do with school. one is more of a trivia while the other is one that pains me to think about. i should get back to finishing the deathly hallows so i can discuss it with friends.

rat zapper & apt hunting

when we woke up yesterday morning, we noticed the red light flashing on the rat zapper. i couldn't remember what it meant. my sister's fiance peered into it and saw a little mouse dead in it. this was our first new york kill. i'd prefer the zapper to never kill any other mice/rats simply because i don't even want them here in the first place. but if they are here, i'm glad the zapper has our backs.

after the excitement of the killing, we began our apartment hunting. we saw 2 places: both were supposed to be 2 bedroom apartments. the ad on craigslist for the first place was a total lie. not only was it not a 2 bedroom, but there were no bedrooms. it's just the basement of a building with no rooms. there were 2 bathrooms with shower stalls. there were, however, no delineation between the shower stall and the rest of the bathroom. there were no shower curtain rods. also, all the walls and flooring were covered in shiny, black granite tiles. my sister deemed it a porn studio. all it needed was a disco ball and some cameras, and the party is on. it would explain the missing shower curtain rods though.

the second place was in the really nice neighborhood of brooklyn heights where there are rumors that trader joe's has bought a space nearby. the apartment itself, however, was just a little small. there was basically no living room. the apartment had a small bathroom with only a toilet and a sink, two bedrooms, and a kitchen that also contained the bathtub.

we will be looking at a supposedly 3 bedroom today. i hope it's at least normal.

creepy guys again

as i was on the escalator, exiting a grocery store today, the guy standing behind me tried to give me his business card. he said that he noticed me while waiting in line and thought i was really beautiful. he kept STARING at me while he talked. i shook my head at his offer. he asked me if i was married. i told him no, i'm not interested, and refused his card. thankfully, there were lots of people around. i got a little apprehensive that he would start following me. he just gave off that creepy vibe.

what am i doing that's attracting these crazies? and then the ones i want to attract don't respond. argh.

a battle

last night, i went to bed tired and felt so sure that it was the night to break the recent streak of insomnia. it's been going for about a week now. as i was lying in bed, my eyes closed, my breath steady, i felt myself drifting away. or more accurately, my consciousness drifting away. just at the brink of entering my subconscious, however, i encountered a wall of some sort. it felt like a film or a membrane that would cave in when i pressed upon it, but it remained unbreakable. i could not push through it. when it rejected me, my conscious came to me fully. i attempted to fall asleep again, and the same wall appeared. it simply refused to let me through into my subconsciousness. so i spent the rest of the night, lying as still as i could with my eyes closed and my breath steady. i was in at least a semi-conscious state for the rest of the night.

i feel that there's a battle between my conscious or subsconscious, or if such a thing is even possible. i don't think i'm going crazy. i wonder if having read the wind-up bird chronicle recently has anything to do with what's happening. i'm tired during the day, and with the exception of yesterday, i would not allow myself to take naps, an attempt to keep myself exhausted in hopes of being able to sleep that night. also, i am tired when i'm in my bed, in the darkness. i just can't fall asleep. now, it's at a point where i don't even have thoughts racing through my head. some thoughts drift in and out, but their pace would not normally keep me from falling asleep. i took a nap yesterday, and i didn't encounter this wall. i wonder, however, if i was able to fall sleep because i intended for it to be only a nap, that i wouldn't stay in my subconscious long even if i were able to access it. i want to know what's brewing in my subconscious, and i will break through that wall sooner or later.

more insomnia

i had insomnia again last night, but it was a little different than the previous nights. i didn't actually get out of bed out of frustration and watched tv to put myself to sleep. i just stayed in bed with my eyes closed with good thoughts from a really great day running through my head, not bad thoughts for a change. it was more like when you can't sleep when you're excited about something. i still prefer sleep though which i hope will take over tonight.

harry potter and the order of the phoenix

my friend and i saw the movie yesterday. it's difficult to judge it on its own since i've read the book and am actually in the process of rereading it (and the half-blood prince) to prepare myself for the deathly hallows. i recently rewatched the globlet of fire and prisoner of azkaban and realized that i had probably criticized those two films too much. i will have to watch the order of the phoenix again when it comes out on dvd to allow enough time between reading the book and rewatching the film.

the changes i noticed in the film made sense. i appreciated the quickened pacing of the opening, from the playground to the order taking harry to 12 grimmauld place. the film portrayed the drought much more vividly than my imagination did from reading. despite the drought, there were a lot of plants mentioned in the book. but in the movie, the yellowed grass in the playground created a sense of desperation lurking in the air. even the rain offered no relief. instead it brought more danger, the dementors, as if any sense of balance that had existed in the world has dissipated.

as the credits were rolling, i realized that quidditch did not even get mentioned once in the film. the sport has always been a huge part of harry, a natural skill that earned him respect among his peers and also a link between him and his father. but now that i'm rereading the book, i see that quidditch actually played a more important character developing role for ron than harry in this installment. if it had been a movie about ron, i would've been upset about the omission. this is a movie about harry, however, so i am okay with it.

maybe i'll have more qualms after i've finished the rereading, but overall, i highly enjoyed the film.

insomnia

i've had insomnia for 2 nights in a row. i've never had insomnia for more than one night at a time. when i look at my reflection, i can see the darkness that's developed around my eyes. they look bruised. i purposely didn't take naps yesterday, and i'm not letting myself sleep until a normal bedtime rolls around. i will beat it.

reading in public

i sat next to a woman on the subway today who was reading a book titled, "how to control your man." i caught the first 2 sentences of the introduction entitled, "how i qualify to write this book": "i am a man, and it takes a man to know how to control one." (i'm only paraphrasing.) not that i would ever read a book like that. okay, maybe for amusement. even so, i wouldn't be reading it in public. i guess this is just going to show how judgemental i am, but why would someone be interested in wanting to control their man? the reader must have just gone over the brink of 40 and was wearing a mask of make-up. i couldn't see if she had a wedding ring.

maybe i'm naive, but i don't want a man that i would want to or have to control. i actually can't stand couples where you know the guy is completely whipped. maybe some guys prefer to be whipped? it just comes across as an unbalanced relationship. if i was with a guy who would appease to my every whim, i know i would clobber him. certain people bring out a sadistic tendency in me to push them to their limits. it's probably a mere reflection of my own insecurities, but i can't help myself.

fennel toothpaste

i grabbed a tube of fennel toothpaste on the fly not long ago, and i am not quite sure if i like it. i LOVE fresh fennel. i discovered fennel at a july 4th party last year, and after a few bites, completely fell in love with it. the hint of licorice is so refreshing in the summer heat, and i never liked licorice before.

i think the toothpaste is a little too sweet, and i miss the minty-fresh feel. maybe i just need to get used to it.

home?

i returned to new york today, and it doesn't feel like home, even though it technically is. it's what's on my driver's license and where all my mail is delivered. but having "lived" here for only six months, including a miserable winter that resulted in wind burns streaked across my face and then leaving for shreveport, louisiana for three and a half months, new york doesn't feel like home.

it might not help that i'm leaving for another four months in less than two weeks from today either.

okay. instead of dwelling on new york's status as "home", i'm going to catch up on my visit with my mom in jacksonville, north carolina. luckily, she had the first week of july off from work so we were able to travel a little. our first trip was to emerald isle. we normally go to hammocks beach in swansboro but figured we should go to another one, just to see. emerald isle is still really nice, just not as nice as hammocks beach, which i'll get to later.

on july 4th, we traveled to new bern and stumbled upon a free day at tryon palace, the only day of the year when it opens its grounds to the public for free. i don't remember having been there on any school field trips although my sister had gone multiple times during her days in the north carolina public school system. my mom definitely had never been there before. we didn't go on any tours but just walked around the gardens, which were beautifully kept. afterwards, we went to the mall.

later in the week, we made a day trip to wilmington to have lunch with a friend of mine. as we walked from the parking garage to the restaurant, i think we passed by julia stiles. anyway, my mom had thai food for the first time. i think she liked it but not love it like i do. it was nice to see my friend and to finally meet his girlfriend, whom he had talked about a lot. after a stroll along the boardwalk, we went to the mall.

i'm breaking here to express how much shopping irritates me. unless there's something i'm looking for specifically, i don't like to shop. maybe it's a point in my life that i've reached where shopping is no longer an appealing activity. also, knowing that we were making a trip to chapel hill later in the week where we could stop by the southpoint mall, a much bigger mall than the ones in new bern and wilmington and includes an outdoor section, i really didn't want to go to the two smaller malls.

so yes, we went to chapel hill for my friend's harry potter party, which was a lot of fun. she and her husband made brunswick stew and yorkshire pudding. yorkshire pudding is new to both my mom and me. my mom loved it. i liked it but not love it like she did. we watched two of the harry potter movies and went on an elaborate and creatively set up treasure hunt. then, i was introduced to the wii. an ingenius product. my sister has already requested one for her graduation present but now i'm not so sure if i'll be able to hand it over to her when i'm able to find one.

we spent the night in chapel hill and then drove to hammocks beach the next day. i don't think i can ever find another beach i love more than this place. it's kind of a pain to get to which weeds out a lot of people. you have to take a ferry and then walk about 1/2 mile to cross bear island to arrive at the beach. also, as a state park with a huge emphasis on preserving the ecology of the island, it's kept extremely clean. no alcohol is allowed either. whereas you can find little mounts of cigarette butts at emerald isle, there are little clumps of seaweed that have washed ashore, sprinkled along hammocks beach. the waves were so great that afternoon that i wished i had a surfboard instead of my little boogie board, with which i still managed to catch quite a few waves.

the visit with mom wouldn't have been complete had we not been able to go there. while talking with the ferry captain on the way back to the mainland, we realized that we've been going to this beach for 14 years. our first visit occurred while i was still in middle school, and we've gone pretty much every year since then. i only hope we can still go every year from now on. summer would not feel like summer without a trip there.