library closing

i know public libraries throughout the country have been cutting hours or even closing for good, but i only thought that happened in small towns. my sister just informed me today that the philadelphia free/public libraries are closing because of governmental budget issues. it's astounding because this is happening in one of the most historical cities in america. it's not exactly a small city either. it's kind of devastating in terms of what it means for the city, how much financial trouble it must be in. what else will the city by cutting next? it has to be so stressful on a psychological level for the city. they can't just cut their hours; they have to close their doors completely. even tiny towns can group and scrape together to get a collection of books to lend to the public at large for free. i can't fathom living in a community with no public libraries, and it breaks my heart for all philadelphians, especially in this economy when the public needs all the assistance there is. i hope something will happen between now and october 2, when the libraries are due to close, that will prevent this tragedy.

alone to write

r left for an out-of-town job a couple of weeks ago. while i cherish my time alone, i miss r immensely. a friend, whose boyfriend left town for a few months to finish his degree, came over for brunch today. no one else would have listened to our anguish with the same sympathetic ears.

i made a tofu-based vegan frittata with swiss chard which turned out deliciously. i stole the recipe from a copy of isa chandra moskowitz's vegan brunch at borders. fruit and french-pressed coffee were served on the side. it felt really wonderful to cook for someone.

as a joke, we had planned to commiserate. in actuality, we ended up doing just so. my friend is quite a few years younger than me so their relationship is at a different stage than r and me. they had just started living together and have a good few years to be by themselves before their biological clocks start ticking. r and i are getting really close to settling down and starting to plan a family. in fact, we are in the midst of procuring a loan to purchase a condo in boerum hill, brooklyn. but we miss our respective men just the same.

after we ate and caught up, we met another friend of mine in central park. d and i had discovered crossing the line festival was happening today, and bento boxes made by some of our favorite chefs would be available. unfortunately, the weather was dreary with misting rain, and the distribution of bento boxes was terribly organized. the festival workers were made to wear these food trays, like the ones you'd see the popcorn guy wear at the baseball stands, and walk around the field to pass out the boxes. the notion of free food (or free anything), however, unleashed everyone's primal instinct. people savagely rushed to the workers and extended their hands like the beggars they would normally abhor and shirk from. my friends and i stood in our little huddle, merely hoping the workers would find us as the only civilized human beings left in the crowd and award us with the precious bento box. but as soon as one of them was just steps from reaching us, the other people would immediately surround the poor worker. we ended up with no bento box to taste but managed to enjoy a piece of chocolate (too sweet for my taste although understandably delectable), and as the crowd dispersed, we saw the bento box in all its glory on one of the tables, on display for photographers.

satisfied with a glimpse of what we had missed, we parted ways. i walked downtown along the eastern edge of the park and passed one art museum after another that reminded me of r. first, it was the cooper hewitt where we had our second date, and after the museum that day, we had our first kiss. then, it was the guggenheim where we went over the summer for the 50th anniversary celebratory exhibition of frank lloyd wright's achievements, from within outward, on a pay-as-you-wish afternoon. it had been my first visit to that museum. lastly, i passed the met. we were heading for it, by cutting through central park, on the day r proposed to me. i kept ducking under my umbrella to hide my face as it kept reaching the brink of bursting into tears. i cut across the park at 72nd street and popped into whole foods in the time warner building for a bit of distraction before ending up at home, alone.

i'm a good loner. i enjoy having time to myself. it doesn't take much to keep me away from boredom and nonsense. but ever since r, being alone gets harder and harder each time he takes an out-of-town job. it's not that i need to be around people now. i just need him in my presence. i haven't been sleeping well because of him. it feels strange to sleep in a bed meant for two when only one side is occupied. but he has booked his flight to return to new york for a weekend at the end of this month, which is just a couple of weeks away. i can't wait.

tragic loss

while at work, one of my supervisor informed me that one of our co-worker's father passed away last night. i was saddened but only later in the day did it hit me. in the afternoon, as a reprieve from the maddening busy day, i checked facebook. someone i know posted something about ronald takaki passing away. only when i saw takaki then did i realize that he might be our co-worker's father. i looked up ronald takaki and saw our co-worker listed as one of the surviving children in an article. then, my memories of ronald takaki slowly resurfaced.

i think he was a keynote speaker at an asian american conference one of my best friends put together in college. either i was taking a course in asian american history that semester or had just finished it in the previous semester. ronald takaki wrote what is considered a bible on asian american history, strangers on a distant shore. as one of our textbooks, i read it cover to cover, probably the only textbook i read so thoroughly. i remember admiring the way he wasn't angry with the establishment but simply laying out the information, not disguising the injustice, and giving dignity to those who endured the tough times. it definitely had an effect on my decision to make a documentary about angel island for my senior thesis. wherever it was i remember him from, he was so jovial and easy-going. he talked about having grown up in hawaii and hanging ten on the waves. i think i stood in line and got his autograph for my book.

having realized this personal connection, my day grew sadder. i am sad that such a monumental figure on an inclusive version of american history has passed away. i am sad for my co-worker, whom i have yet to meet, to lose a father whom i imagine had been fun to grow up with.

engagement

r was back in new york for a weekend trip a couple of weeks ago. he got in on friday night, and i had ordered thai food, at his request, for when he walked in the door. even after having been with him for over a year and a half, it still takes my breath away to see him after a period of separation. we happily ate up the thai take out and went to bed.

the next day, i made german pancake and cooked up sausages from esposito for brunch. esposito is a basic butcher shop and makes the most delicious, flavorful sausages. they are also amazing friendly, just as you would expect a neighborhood butcher shop to be. then, r asked me what i wanted to do that day. i told him that it was really up to him because he was only back for the weekend. but he kept making me make the plans. so i suggested seeing the walker evans and the picture postcard exhibit at the met and that we could walk there by cutting through central park. he agreed but also wanted to head down to the east village afterward to hang out in his old 'hood.

we headed into the park. it was a beautiful day so the park was packed with joggers and pedestrians. we kept to the busy route for a while, but then he started leading me down a more secluded path. i've gotten lost in the park before so i was a little hesitant but then figured i would just blame it on him if we got lost. a little way down the path, all of a sudden, he stepped off the walkway to stand in front of a large rock. he turned to me and said, "come over here." i complied, thinking he just wanted to take advantage of the gorgeous weather and the romantic surrounding to share a kiss. but he simply took me hands into his and asked, "will you marry me?" i was completely taken by surprise, not expecting him to ask for another year or two.

it took me a moment to realize what just happened. i replied, "really?" he nodded. "yes!" then, i sobbed the happiest tears, uncertain if i could stop crying, the second time in my life when i thought i would never stop crying although the other time was tears of grieve. we kept hugging and crying. one jogger aw-ed us as he passed us. i confessed that i had hoped for this moment, and he confessed that he had been thinking about it for a while. he reassured me that he was certain about his proposal, and i reassured him that my "yes" was certain. i also asked if this meant i could change my status on facebook. he laughed and said yes. only later did i realize that he didn't even have a ring on him at the time. i called my sister, my mom, and my father. my mom started crying on the phone so then i started crying again.

after the phone calls, we stopped at the boat house, which we were near, and got drinks to gather ourselves. but as we sat there, we talked about our relationship and our feelings for each other, and i started crying again. my eyelids ended up developing slight rashes the next day from the exposure to the salty tears and cold wind. i sent a text of the news to my dearest friends.

when we finished our drinks, we continued our way to the met. the walker evans exhibit was wonderful and made me fall in love with him as a human being and artist, to see how very simple things inspired him to see the bigger world so beautifully. we had dinner at purnima that evening, indian being r's favorite cuisine. we were blown away by the meal, this having been our first time there.

the next day, we had dimsum for brunch with my dad in chinatown. then, he had to fly back to new orleans late afternoon. unfortunately, his flight was delayed for 6 hours at jfk because of the bad weather conditions. but he made it back safely.

and he was back this weekend for a 3-day weekend. he arrived home friday around 11a, and i had german pancake and sausages in the works for him. that evening, we went to west village to look into a gym membership he had started in the area and then onto dinner at en, a japanese restaurant nearby. it was one of the most wonderful meals, consisting of what i would guess to be japanese comfort food, a heavenly combination of the sea and earth. yesterday, we traveled up to marlboro, ny where r's brother lives. r's brother had suggested that i choose one of their grandmother's rings as my engagement ring. i will post a picture of it after we have it cleaned and resized.

we had to rush back to the city that afternoon for r's interview. it was actually for a position on the project i'm currently working on in the city. of course, he was offered the job at the end of the meeting and arrived home ecstatic. it would be an opportunity to work with people he has admire from early in his career. we decided to celebrate with indian for dinner again, but this time, we ordered delivery from purnima, which was just as delicious as we remembered it.

then, this morning, we had brunch at benny's burritos in east village. the reason r had brought up east village on his last trip home was because he had wanted to propose in tompkins square park. it was one of the places we went to on our first date, and we had spent a lot of time in the area at the beginning of our relationship because it was where he lived at the time. but we have special memories from central park as well, summer concerts and hamlet in the park. besides, he knew he was going to pop the question that weekend and was too anxious to wait until we made it to east village. so after brunch, we walked past tompkins square park and through east village to union square.

he flew back to new orleans this evening, having just called to say he landed safely. so now, i can go to bed and sleep in peace.

sadness

today, while waiting for my flight at the denver airport, i came across the obituary for nicholas hughes in the new york times. he had hung himself. i was surprised to find myself on the verge of tears reading about his life. having grown up surrounded by so much tragedy (his mother, sylvia plath, the famous poet committed suicide, and his stepmother committed murder suicide with his stepsister), it made me wonder if he had ever lived a moment of his life without pain. maybe that was why he was attracted to fishery, having been a fisheries biologist in alaska. creatures so simple and beautiful, not having to endure sadness, an instinctive bond to travel and stay with others in schools, it's poetic to have chosen that field of work and life, a life of being in and near water, the tranquility of nature. he left behind his sister, frieda. i hope she has found or will continue to find something to live for and hold onto it.

afternoon at the post office

the last document finally arrived in the mail today to complete my set of tax materials to send to my accountant. i found it in the mail box at around 3p. so i immediately printed out my other finalized documents and organized what i needed to make copies of. i ran to kinko's down the block. then, i ran down a few more blocks to the post office.

when i arrived, there were two long lines of people, each at least ten deep. i quickly stuffed, labeled, and sealed a priority mail envelope and hopped in one of the lines. i picked the one being served by three open windows than the line for only two open windows. while i waited, i noticed that an elderly gentleman a couple of people ahead of me was extremely chatty. he was mostly commenting on the number of people in the post office today. it was around 4p on a friday so the lines were not a surprise. then, i realized he was talking to the guy with facial piercings in front of him specifically.

it turned out that guy with the piercings had to catch a flight and was getting antsy about the wait. the elderly man, in his eastern european accent, began to ask every person ahead of them in line if they would allow the guy with the piercings to cut in front of them. someone started chuckling as the elderly man was making the small scene. i thought it was very brave and thoughtful of elderly man to make the effort to help a stranger. everyone yielded.

the guy with the piercings received instructions from the postal worker at the window to package item appropriately and set off to do so. the elderly man kept watching over him and pointing out how he needed to put more tape on the box. it was as if he had taken on this stranger on as his own son. the guy with the piercings finally finished sending out his package and thanked the elderly man on his way out. the elderly man, then, took his turn at the window and started to chat up the postal worker at the window.

the guy ahead of me in line noticed that the elderly man was just chatting too. he waited until the elderly man had finished his transaction and impatiently walked up to the window to nudge him out of the way. the elderly man didn't take offense at all; he actually apologized for talking too much as he left.

as i waited my turn and witnessed this commotion, i realized that this post office is one of the few in the city that does not have the bullet-proof glass windows. you can hand the postal worker your package directly, not through a cage. the postal worker who helped me was a little annoyed at first when i did not know the amount of stamps i had place on the envelope. there was a set of first class stamps the post office sold that did not indicate their value so i could not tabulate the stamps. it turned out that i still owed a little bit more. as we tried to figure out how to make up for the difference, whether to add more stamps that i had with me or just pay, i made a comment that i will do which ever was the fastest because the people behind me in line were getting agitated. then, the postal worker actually laughed and said that you can never please those people. it was as if she melted from an icy postal worker into a warm human being. we exchanged a pleasant good bye, and as i left the window, i heard grumblings about the long lines. i want to say to these people, "this is new york on a friday afternoon. of course there will be long lines. everyone is doing their best, and there's nothing you can do. you might as well just make the best of it." but i didn't. i would just sound naive and annoyingly cheerful. so i exited the building and hurried back to my apartment.

last days in nola

i returned to new york a couple of days ago with some pretty delicious last meals from new orleans. we made it to dick and jenny's and were presented with a new spring 2009 menu. it was a great menu, but we felt a little sore that we had missed their previous menu just days before. to think that we could've tried their winter 2008 AND spring 2009 menus! but we sucked it up and ordered their louisiana seafood pie, grilled beef tenderloin, bronzed flounder, and key lime pie. i'm just realizing we started and ended the meal with pies! it guaranteed us a great meal, which it was. all our plates were pretty much cleaned up even though i know you're supposed to leave a bite of food to be polite. but we could not waste even a morsel of food that's so delicious.

it turned out that r had to work the last saturday i was in town. we went to elizabeth's, a local joint, for breakfast. their specialty is poached eggs, which is my favorite. i had it with fried green tomatoes and hash browns. r had the carolina shrimp and grits. one of my eggs were poached hard and the other one soft, which i found a little odd, but the overall meal was good. r's food was really good; the broth in the shrimp and grits made the dish.

later that evening, we ended up forgoing jacque-imo's to join r's work friends to see the watchmen. we were all uncertain what to think of the movie at the end of the viewing. i'd only gotten into about a quarter of the novel a couple of years ago when i had to leave town for a job (actually the job on which i met r) and suspect that the story might be a tough one to translate well on-screen because it's so unconventional. there isn't one character to follow, and the story is so hypothetical, almost as if as a movie, the story became too real to digest whereas it's easier to accept as a graphic novel. we thought the design elements (sets, costumes) were very intriguing though, framed around a world in which nixon was still president in the 80s.

the next morning, r took me to the airport. i came back to new york and started missing r again.

thanksgiving 2008

r took me to orlando, fl this past thanksgiving to spend the holiday with his family. his gravitation to new york city stems from having grown up on a ranch/farm; he felt he had already lived the rural lifestyle and wanted to experience the urban life. i had met his mother on her visits to new york and a previous short trip to orlando but had never seen her ranch, located just outside of orlando. i am just realizing i didn't take any pictures of her place! argh!

she has two horses (at the time, she had three, but one of them passed away around christmas so she now has two), four border collies (r's favorite breed), a parakeet, and a greenhouse where she has been growing ponytail palms as a business venture. she lives there by herself and takes care of the entire six acres pretty much single-handedly when she isn't on nurse duty at the local hospital or teaching at the community college.

her parents and sisters live around the orlando area and convened at her house for thanksgiving. i found it kind of odd but endearing that they all kept commenting on my prettiness. i guess it's a southern politeness, but i would've thought that being a nice person is more important for r's well-being and happiness than being a pretty girl. but it's one of life's graces to learn to accept compliments.

with the exception of r and me, having just traveled the evening before, everyone contributed to the meal which was delicious. i might've even had too much turkey because i had to excuse myself for a three-hour nap.

later in the day, r met up with an old friend from high school while i stayed at his mom's house and looked through some old photographs and newspaper clippings from his childhood. the local newspaper had a picture of r in the eighth grade, standing next to a mural he had painted at his middle school, something he had initiated at that young age. i was so impressed he had this drive and focus to make art so early on in life; he had never mentioned the mural to me before. r's mom also showed me other pictures of his earlier artwork which included winning prizes at regional shows and having been commissioned by local businesses. i felt a little overwhelmed by how deeply his love for art has always been.

the next day, we took his grandmother out for lunch, a break from her nursing home, and to visit his other set of grandparents in their new home. they had become great friends once they had become in-laws, and the friendship lasted even into r's grandmother's dementia. she became so alive as soon as she saw her old friends and reminisced about their younger days. we went for a short walk to the edge of lake apopka. the waters are now polluted, from having been treated as a chemical dumping ground, but had once been a huge fishing attraction, particularly for bass. the community and government are slowly working to clean up the lake. it is a peaceful neighborhood that i hope r's grandparents will enjoy.

for our last day of the trip, r took me to new smyrna beach. r had grown up going to jb's fishcamp and restaurant with his father who knew the owner, jb. he has always stated that their crabcakes were unbeatable. knowing that i shared his love of seafood, we feasted there. the restaurant draws almost all of their seafood from the water just behind the building:




people docking at the restaurant for a meal

we had our sleeves rolled up and dug into oysters, crabcakes, grilled fish, hush puppies, steamed shrimp, and steamed crabs. it was all fresh off the boat, simply prepared as to not ruin fresh seafood, and incredibly delicious. after our huge meal, we went for a walk along the beach. the sun happened to be on the verge of setting so the sky flushed with hints of pinks:




birds running from the waves




then poking their beaks into the sand as the waves retrieve


someone fishing


he might've caught something!


birds teaming up for their hunt for food in this turbulent setting of crashing waves


more birds


amazing sky at sunset


an unexpectedly romantic setting



our foot prints


imagining if we owned one of these houses and got to see sunsets like this every evening...

when we returned to the parking lot, we spotted these old cars:








i bet these drivers all know each other and decided to get together for some great seafood at jb's and discuss their cars and whatnot.

we left early the next morning, having this incredible day as our freshest memory of the trip. it was a lot of fun, but part of me felt a little guilty for not having spent this holiday with my family. but annual holidays are just like birthdays: they will come along next year. there will be opportunities to spend them differently over and over again. maybe next year, r will get to try my mom's awesome chinese cooking.

new orleans again

r started a job in new orleans last week, and i've been here since last friday just to keep him company and make the transition easier for him. he's gotten at least one job per year in nola since 2004. it's pretty ridiculous considering he's based out of new york.

since i've arrived, it's been a series of deja vu. luckily, i had just missed mardi gras. it's not so much fun when you can't drink so you actually notice all the vomiting that occurs around you. also, strings of beads being pelted at your head is scary. but the company that hired r this time placed him in the same hotel as the last company who hired him. in fact, we think he had been placed in the same room last year.

r had been looking for a place to move to so that he wouldn't have to spend all three months of his stay in nola in a hotel. last night, he signed the lease and received the key to a loft apartment just blocks away. so we decided to go ahead and make the move. the act of moving out of the hotel was also oddly familiar since we had done the same thing last year, after having stayed at that hotel, possibly that same room, for a while. but this apartment is one that r hasn't stayed at before although the color scheme and style of furniture resembles that of one of the apartments we lived in last year.

while r is at work during the day, i've been roaming around the area a bit. everything is still pretty much the same as last year although the city feels more deserted this time. maybe i'm not remembering well, but i thought there had been more pedestrians in the french quarters, more tourists. i've heard there's been a spike in crime (a serial rapist who targeted tulane female students was caught not long ago) so i've been more cautious in my current ventures. (to be fair, however, there's been a spike in crime in new york as well. but on second thought, new york does not have a feeling of desolation in the middle of the day.)

but the mission for this trip is to revisit all the delicious restaurants. our first stop was herbsaint where we had baked oysters and beef short rib on potato cake as our appetizers and moved onto their special of flouder with pickled turnips and greens and their duck leg confit with louisiana rice. the meal was superb.

the next day, a saturday, r had to work. total bummer. but we met for lunch near his office at juan's flying burrito. we shared chips and guacamole which tasted freshly prepared. then, he had the western chicken burrito, and i had the super green burrito with lots of delicious veggies.

later that evening, after going through our list, we hit cochon, which is owned and run by the same chef, donald link, as herbsaint. we really had to rein ourselves from over-ordering and settled on sharing the fried boudin, fried rabbit livers, paneed pork cheeks, their mahi-mahi special small plate, the ham hock entree with sweet potatoes, pickled greens, and black-eyed peas, and a side of lima beans. i actually prefer cochon over herbsaint because it seems to have a more casual atmosphere, and the food is more adventurous. the mahi-mahi special was probably the least impressive although still delicious. everything else had the perfect balance of meatiness, sweetness, and acidity. i love that this place makes use of all parts of the pig to their fullest ability, and their menu reflects that.

the next day, we started off with brunch at surrey's cafe and juice bar, which had become a weekly routine last year. i believe their orange-pineapple juice is a staple on their menu, but they had a special cactus juice that r tried. it was super refreshing, just slightly sweet. r went with one of their daily specials, a mexican frittata, and i chose the migas with chorizos. the food is just as fresh and delicious as i remembered it.

that evening, we finally got vietnamese food. with the except of three afternoons, r and i had vietnamese at kim anh's for lunch everyday. so i associated incredible vietnamese food with nola in that twisted way (as opposed to cajun cuisine). we went to tan dinh on the west bank and walked out satisfied, r with pho ga and i with korean bbq ribs bun in the tummy and leftover roasted pork in a flour roll.

early in the week, we walked a couple of blocks to lucy's for convenient yet delicious fish tacos. i felt a little guilty for getting them since grouper is one of the fish you should avoid, but i got over it quickly. there's a reason that the chinese rates grouper as one of the most edible worthy fish.

and last night, we finally made the trip to kim anh's for vietnamese egg rolls and combination pho with sliced beef, meatballs, and chicken. it gave us the strength and motivation to rush back to the hotel, pack, and move everything of ours to the loft apartment. kim anh's has possibly the best pho. the broth is so rich in flavor, and the quality of their food is consistent. i only wish they had a branch within walking distance of the warehouse district so that i could repeat the daily feasting of their food this time around.

the places we have left on the list to taste are dick and jenny's and jacques-imo's. of course, if we have the time, i'll take mona's cafe and lebanon's cafe for some great hummus and falafels. the gastronomic adventures of nola is to be continued.

gastronomic birthday

it's been a week-long birthday. actually two weeks long. as luck would have it, i landed a 4-day weekend, followed by a 3-day weekend, this month as my work week was slowly being shifted from a friday-tuesday schedule back to a monday-friday schedule.

WEEK 1

so last week, i took advantage of the 4-day weekend to visit b & d in philadelphia. i took the chinatown bus and arrived in philadelphia in the early afternoon. b & d live on the philadelphia antique row, antique store after antique store down their block. the whole neighborhood is very cute and nice. after setting down my bags, we headed out for some pho, a perfect dish on a cold winter day. r & i have yet to find good pho in new york; we are starting to believe vietnamese is one cuisine that new york does not offer a good restaurant of. we ate vietnamese everyday for lunch while we worked in new orleans last winter. it's good to know that philly pho is phantastic, being just a 2-hour bus ride away.

d had some work to finish up so b took me to the liberty bell and independence hall. it was quite a day to go: the day after obama's inauguration, having become citizens so recently, this 2008 election being the first election b & i ever voted in. it became unexpectedly emotional. we took a tour of the independence hall, and our guide was awesome. she told the stories of our founding fathers with great enthusiasm and knowledge. i took some pictures which i will post in a later entry.

that evening, we dined at a vegetarian chinese restaurant, none of us being strict vegetarians. but the food was surprising and delicious. we ordered seaweed pancakes, not knowing what to expect. what came out to our table were literally seaweed patties that have been lightly deep-fried. the natural chewy texture of seaweed made it fun to eat. then, we had spicy tofu and a dish of vegetables. the food tasted very clean but flavorful. i don't think we missed meat at all during that meal.

the next day, we started at morning glory diner. it's a cool little joint where coffee is served in stainless steel mugs. they specialize in frittatas which are served beautifully browned on the top, with a chunk of biscuit and a small cup of cooked apples, and i chose a side of grits. nothing fancy, just plain goodness.

then, d left b & me to do some random strolling around the city. we threw in some shopping although we didn't make any purchases. we stopped at a small cafe for some tea before heading back to b & d's apartment for pre-dinner nap. b & d took me to cochon as my early birthday dinner. they went for the tasting menu which included a cauliflower soup, skate on fennel salad, lamb, and crepe. i selected an arugula salad with beets, suckling pig with lentils and brussel sprouts, and shared a creme brulet. it was a decadent meal. we were glad for the walk home after our gluttonous pleasure-taking and then spent the rest of the evening in delirium.

then, friday was the day i headed back to new york. but before leaving, we ate breakfast at sabrina's cafe. the entrees were a little fancier than morning glory diner's and were tasty. but i prefer simpler fare for my first meal. at least, the service was great. we actually had stopped in fitzwater cafe where we stood just inside the front door for about 5 minutes, watching the hostess chit-chat with a table, not once acknowledging our presence. we went to the spices, coffee, and tea shop in the italian market area and grabbed a couple of $1 bags of teas. then, we went back to b & d's apartment for my bag and headed for the bus. as much as i missed r, it was a wonderful break from new york city. also, i've missed b & d terribly and was glad to be able to see and spend time with them.

WEEK 2

chinese new year arrived the following week, and my birthday according to the chinese calendar is the 3rd day of the new year. unwittingly, my co-workers planned a cupcake surprise for that day. i don't like making a deal of birthdays, maybe because i didn't grow up with birthday parties. birthdays were always a more intimate affair shared with just family. so i had warned my co-workers to not do anything. also, i'm not a big fan of sweets. but i unintentionally discovered an email in the general work email account about cupcakes. i blew their cover and thought they would ditch the plan. wednesday was a very snowy day anyway. but they went ahead and surprised me with vegan cupcakes, knowing that i'm lactose intolerant, and everyone on the project singing happy birthday. candles and all. i started scraping off the icing, because it was too sweet, and everyone started yelling that the cupcakes were vegan. i had to reassure them that i was aware but just found the icing too sweet. i definitely appreciated the thought and effort behind it though.

friday was my birthday according to the gregorian calendar (normal calendar). my 3-day weekend started on this day. i slept in, leaving r to his own defenses for breakfast and coffee. taking my time to get the day started, i finally left the apartment at around 2p, for a bit of shopping. i traveled a little uptown to look for a specialty store in search of a gift for someone. i wasn't sure what i'd find, but two items jumped out at me instantly as the perfect gifts. i was very glad to accomplish the mission so quickly and effortlessly.

i continued my shopping spree to origins where i received a birthday discount and bought one item for basically half price. i hopped onto the bus that stopped on the block and got off when i spotted a body shop. i also received a birthday discount there and bought one item for basically half price as well. just a few stores away was a barneys coop. i've had a store credit on a barneys card for years, from my first film job in los angeles. so i decided to stop in, just to see if i could use the card that day. i found a pair of jeans in an unusual shade of dark blue, and they happened to fit. i will need to shorten them a little, but that is nothing unusual. they were originally priced at $178, on sale for $59. i thought i had about $45 on the card so i figured i'd pay $15 for a pair of nice jeans. when i got to the register, the sales representative told me i had almost $100 on the card. so not only did i walk out with a free pair of jeans but also still more credit to spend. i was in such disbelief at my luck that i had to call b immediately; i was on a shopping high. then, i went to soho to look for a specific shirt by uniqlo. they didn't have exactly what i wanted but something close. and it was on sale for $6, normally for $16. so i bought it. then, i made my way into chinatown and headed home.

that night, r took me to craft for dinner. we had a late reservation, for 9p. r got us a cab to the restaurant, a luxury for me. we arrived about a half hour early and waited at the bar. we were admiring the decor, which was very simple but luxurious and well thought out, and people watching, a lot of the new york rich. but although it was obvious the restaurant usually catered only the super wealthy, they were still wonderfully nice and friendly to us. the staff exuded a sense of warmth that was very welcoming, smiles that seemed genuine to have you there for dinner.

we were quickly seated at a table pretty much in the center of the dining room. the table felt a little big; r seemed far away. but the size of the table made sense once our food arrived. to start off, we were presented with an amuse bouche: spoon bread topped with virginia ham served in a metal spoon with the handle beautifully curved into a delicate oval to stabilize it. the bite was full of flavors that played with each other in your mouth.

we ordered quail and a beets and tarragon salad as our first courses. r picked the salad, and i picked the quail because r had never had quail before. the beets salad was wonderful, lightly mixed in a mysterious vinaigrette that was heavenly. it turned out to be well balanced with the quail, which was served deboned except for the shin, allowing you to pick it up delicately. it was lightly seasoned and moist, perfectly cooked, allowing the natural flavor of quail to do its justice. then, our main courses consisted of monkfish, my choice, and the flat iron of steak, r's choice, with sides of gnocchi (r), brussel sprouts (me), and trompet royale mushrooms (me). there wasn't any description on the menu so we were pleasantly surprised by what came out. the monkfish was wrapped in prosciutto and accompanied by a bit of cream sauce and another deeply flavored sauce. there was what i guessed to be either seaweed or odd mushrooms with it. the monkfish had a great meaty texture, and the prosciutto added a complimentary flavor to it. the steak was light and cooked perfectly, topped with beans and accompanied with a bone marrow. the gnocchi were served in a creamy sauce so i only tried a couple of them. they had a great density and flavorful sauce. the brussel sprouts were roasted with bits of bacon so they were wonderful. the trompet royale mushrooms were tasty and meaty. we, then, ended the meal with a meyer lemon tart with a mint syrup and hibiscus granita. the tartness was a perfect way to end the meal, considering we were stuffed and almost passed on dessert. the whole meal was divine.

we noticed how well run the restaurant was. one side of the restaurant was the wine cellar which hid the kitchen. we loved the mesh that held each bottle in the racks. the other side of the restaurant was a soft half-dome shaped by thick slabs covered with smooth leather, hiding the dish-washing. we loved the use of exposed bulbs with specially enlarged wires inside them. i didn't think of making a visit to the restroom just to check it out. but r went and informed me that real hand towels were provided, not paper towels, and then tossed into a basket. r only had one criticism about the decor: should use a planters box instead of vases.

to keep the decadence going, we took a cab back home.

the next day, we had brunch at benny's burritos in the east village, our favorite weekend brunch place because of their food and affordability. we tried to walk around the area and into soho, but the cold made it too difficult. so we went home. i took an afternoon nap. then, we went for korean dumplings in koreatown, at mandoo bar, continuing on the theme of deliciousness and affordability. b was right: the kimchee dumplings were awesome.

the whole birthday celebration is finally dwindling. i'm not excited about turning 30 nor am i devastated. birthdays are just markers for another year past. but this birthday has been great because of the people in my life. they are worth celebrating.

old year, new year

2008 had been a very eventful year: the first year of my life to share with a boyfriend, having moved twice, becoming a u.s. citizen, casting my first ballot in arguably the most historically groundbreaking presidential election ever (even though it still hasn't hit me how important obama's victory is; maybe it'll finally come to me when i have kids, and they ask me about the election when they study it in history class), gaining an official brother-in-law, having flown 5 times around the country for jobs, vacations, and holidays. i'm not sure if i can really catch up on everything.

becoming a u.s. citizen had brought up some questions within myself. i took the naturalization oath in a brooklyn courthouse. the room was filled with about 400 people, all there to become citizens that day. a man next to me got excited when someone started telling us about how we could still register to vote that day in the presidential election. like me, he wanted to have a say in the government he has to abide. most of the 4 hours were spent waiting for the judge to arrive. finally, she came and spoke nice words about how momentous this occasion was and how honored she was to preside over the ceremony. we had been given a flier with the oath of allegiance on it, and i looked over it before we actually did the oath taking. it starts off as such:

i hereby declare on oath, that i absolutely, and entirely, renounce and abjure all allegiance and fidelity to any foreign prince, potentate, state or sovereignty of whom or which i have heretofore been a subject or citizen...

it didn't affect me upon reading it in silence in my head. but when i had to say these words out loud, i found myself unable to make a sound; i froze. i felt my heartbreak, in having to voice my renouncement to what was once my home, the only i had known for the first eight years of my life, a place that had become part of my identity. i felt like i was being asked to betray myself.

there was no doubt that i wanted to become a u.s. citizen. i had no problem reading the rest of the oath. i just didn't realize how much it would hurt to have to give up my ties (albeit only in a governmental sense) when the time came. i felt hong kong ripped from me once, when it was handed back to china after almost a century of british governance. then, the pop stars i grew up idolizing (in a tween obsessed manner that evolved into a mature admiration as their careers took on a more serious direction) started to pass away. they had all been little chips in the core of me that i wasn't even aware of. having to vocally give it up cracked that core.

i know there's still a lot of hong kong that will always be a part of me, but this superficial identification wasn't as superficial as i thought it was. one's citizenship only defines their home according to a map, the invisible boundaries that certain people have created. but there really is no border; there are no edges; the planet is round.

so today, i went to the post office and applied for a u.s. passport. having to hand over my certificate of naturalization unnerves me only because i am afraid it might get lost. the post officer who helped me put through this application warned that it now can take up to three years to replace the document. but i just let it go.

i didn't know of true unhappiness until we immigrated to the u.s. i think this explains why i feel so strongly tied to hong kong while my feelings towards the u.s. is more ambivalent even though i've spent more of my life in the u.s. hong kong has been my childhood fantasy land. and i'm sure it has to do with my age at the time of immigrating as well. i was just about to turn eight. most people probably experience their first true moment of sadness right around then as children become more cognizant of their surroundings at that age. i am certain that i would've had to experience something devastating soon had we stayed in hong kong. but the way things have turned out, i associate happiness with hong kong and heartbreaks with the u.s. but as tough as it is to get over the heartbreaks, i persist.