north carolina

leaving for north carolina tomorrow. i'm relieved to leave the city, as i was always relieved to leave la when i lived there. i love the urban setting, but i find myself more relaxed when i got back to north carolina. maybe it's just leaving 'home' that relaxes me. maybe it's an escapist complex (i just made up that term - i have no clue what it officially should be called). i think i'm most unsettled when i start to feel settled. i knew that i wasn't going to stay in la forever, and after 4 years of living there, i left, maybe because i got anxious that i'd end up there forever. i'm not sure if i want to stay in ny forever either. i love not having to drive, but i don't think i'd stay here forever either. i'm not sure where i'd stay forever. maybe i won't ever find a place to stay forever. i can be a nomad forever, but i'm not sure if i'll like that. maybe age will make me settle at some point.

by the way, my sister is now engaged. they already think of themselves as life partners, just not officially married. i'm just glad that i can now call address her guy as her fiance. boyfriend has been too insubstantial of a term for him.

safe travels to everyone and happy holidays.

food

i finished the master cleanse/lemonade diet a couple of days ago. the diet involves deprivation of solid foods and substaining merely on a mixture of water, lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper. the goal is mainly to flush out your digestive system and rid your body of toxins (my main goal) although some people use it as a weightloss diet (not my goal). the diet lasted for the minimum of 10 days. before embarking on the diet, i researched blogs and other postings of people who shared their experience. almost all of them said that you wouldn't even care for food after the 4th or 5th day. i became very curious that your body actually wouldn't yearn for food because i'm always up for food. i love food, but i wanted to see if this diet really would make me look at food differently and feel refreshed and clean afterwards. by my 4th or 5th day, i started to dream about food. in the dreams, i'd eat and then feel guilty that i've cheated and ruined the diet. i obsessed more and more about food. maybe making breakfast for my sister and preparing dinner for my dad wasn't really helping the process. also, since i'm not a big fan of sweets, it was hard to limit myself to the sweet lemonade. i couldn't wait to eat real food again.

now that i'm back to eating the usual fare, i feel a little bogged down. i'm not sure if i can do the diet again, but it's made me realize that the way i eat is an indulgence. but then, i really don't indulge in anything else. it's one luxury that i think i'll keep.

ignorance

at the post office today, an old woman (she was no lady) walked in and got in the line behind me. i'm not sure if i ticked her off, but as soon as she took her spot, she began talking nonstop: "i was born and raised in this country and you people come here and take all our things. you here in america so act american. a bunch of cockroaches speaking your ack-ack-ack. you here in america and need to speak english." that's politely paraphrasing what she was saying. i noticed a trace of alcoholic stench on her, but she was dressed nicely. if she hadn't opened her mouth, you would've mistook her for a lady. so i didn't expect something so vile to come out of her. the funny thing is that she mention god, that she was right with god and god knows. my guess is that she's christian which means she believes in hell. and the irony is that she's pretty much bought herself a one-way ticket there. would the christian god accept anyone with so much hate in heaven? also, the things she said actually made me think of the kkk and their attitude towards any non-wasps. but this woman was black! and because she's so old, she must've grown up before the civil rights and desegregation. she should know how wrong it is to be so hateful to people merely based on the color of their skin. the old is supposed to endowed us with their wisdom. this is one old woman who doesn't need to pass on anything. i just hope her family knows how she embarrasses herself in public and tries to help her.

high fidelity

this past sunday night, b and i saw high fidelity, broadway musical based on the movie which was based on the nick hornby book of the same title. not that i walked out singing the songs but it was highly entertaining. the lyrics were incredibly well written, and the cast was so energetic. it made me feel old. the musical makes the characters a bit younger than they are in the book so instead of the early/mid-30s as in the book, the characters were more in their mid/late-20s in the musical. maybe the dancing and singing made them seem younger. and i think the actors were younger than their characters too. but regardless, it made me feel old, mainly because i started to think, "i used to have energy and drive like them. now i don't." what sucks is that i still haven't figured out my life.

as for my new schedule, not that i've been following it meticulously but consciously making the effort to not turn to the internet for every little thing that pops in my head has made a difference today. i'm not going to list what i've done, but i feel quite productive.

also, i'm on day 2 of the master cleanse/lemonade diet. it's so hard smelling food and not being able to eat it. i'm still cooking, mainly for b, because i can't imagine not having food as a part of my life. i love it too much. at least someone should enjoy it. i'm already making a mental list of foods i want the day this ends. i miss food.

time

okay. there is a list of projects that i've been meaning to start or continue when i have time off, but i haven't touched any of it now that i actually have time off. i think i've found the problem - i'm spending WAY too much time on the internet. i've been at my computer ALL DAY today. it's excessive. so i've worked up a new plan, a kind of schedule, that will force me to limit the number of hours i get to go online each day. i've already reacquainted myself with the "off-power" function on the television when i find myself channel-surfing because there's nothing watchable. and now that YOU know i'm on this new plan, whether you care or not, self-restraint will be better enforced. isn't it funny how it works? if people know about something you've set for yourself, you stick to it better. it makes the thing more real than if it's only in your head, i guess.

coast of utopia

a couple of nights ago, b and i saw the first part of coast of utopia, the new tom stoppard trilogy. since it was opening night, we dressed up for it. just a little. it's something fun to do but only once in a while. as we were walking into the theatre, we passed by martha stewart! we saw other people who looked familiar, but we weren't sure who they were exactly. the play was brilliant - the philosophical jargon might've been over my head but i felt the same as when i would read something brilliant - there's a certain gravity and grace to it. the opening sequence of a piece of fabric billowing on the stage floor to imitate ocean waves and then sucked through a hole, leading to the first act, was breathtaking. the actors were all phenomenal. on our way to the after-party, tom stoppard actually walked with us, or rather with sarah ruhl, the writer of the play b is working on, the clean house. i saw the run of it, which had some problems in terms of performance since it was still in the working stages, but it was still fantastic. basically, we were walking in the presence of two geniuses. it was quite exhilarating and definitely humbling. it's nice to feel humble.

thanksgiving

whew. the cooking and feasting has ended. almost. leftovers. but yummy leftovers because the meal turned out quite beautifully. among the 4 of us, we had an 8-lb chicken (which my sister named the sumo-chicken), ham, apple-sausage stuffing, zucchini soup, focaccia, cornbread, collards, mac & cheese, butternut squash, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, gravy, and, of course, pumpkin pie. i miss cooking so much since i've been in new york - my dad likes to cook as well and has been cooking dinner EVERY NIGHT since i've been here. but he couldn't come to thanksgiving, and we demanded to cook the meal anyway. i loved it. i want to cook more despite the overflow of food in our fridge. most of the foods we had last night had been my first attempt, and we were relieved that everything turned out so well. okay, so the stuffing was a little burned on the bottom, but things could been a lot worse. one person was worried about the gravy because it's an essential addition to mashed potatoes, his favorite. i was determined to make it from the pan drippings as opposed to a box, which he has never done before. at the end, there were no mishaps, and we gorged in good company. thanksgiving couldn't have been better. hope you had a wonderful holiday as well.

hunger

with thanksgiving coming up where the average american is going to nearly gorge his/herself to death (i admit i'll be one of those people because i cook delicious food), there are still a lot of people who go hungry everyday in this country, including children. as if this very situation isn't inhumane enough for one of the wealthiest countries in the world, the u.s. agricultural department has decided to rid the term 'hunger' in its recent report on americans struggling to feed themselves and their families.

the terms 'low food security' and 'very low food security' have replaced 'food insecurity without hunger' and 'food insecurity with hunger' to describe the 35 million americans who have a difficult time getting enough to eat. uh, so should we now refer to poverty as 'low financial security' and 'very low financial security'? what better way to resolve the issue of hunger than to simply throw out the word? let's also throw out 'peace' so we won't have to pursue it anymore. (but then, what else would beauty queens want more than anything else in the world? hm...)

redefining a situation doesn't get rid of it. hunger, no matter how you want to word it, exists. not that you should feed everyone this holiday but be thankful that you're not struggling with hunger.

if you want to help, contact your local charity center to locate your nearest community soup kitchen. for new yorkers, contact new york city coalition against hunger - http://www.nyccah.org/index.html.

coffee stain 1

evidence of my addiction to coffee. i love tea, don't care for sodas, but am addicted to coffee.

politics

i'm not very good at discussing politics - i don't know enough to hold a truly intelligent conversation on the subject, and i get too emotional over certain issues. but still, i feel that we're experiencing a seachange. when bush was re-elected, i felt doom, no goodness at all. a seachange holds a glimmer of hope, that goodness can happen. but i'm skeptical considering how conservative with social issues the democratics had been moving. i can only hope that they were merely doing it to win back the ignorant populace, and now that they have regained some sort of power, they will distinguish themselves once again from the republicans.

it's been a season of irony with the sex scandals revealed among the republicans. i love that they will now all go to hell, as they all claim to believe to happen to homosexuals. i do feel bad for the humiliation their families are facing for their mistakes. the importance of being earnest.

baltimore/dc

i'm spending the week in baltimore. the city has such character - there are tons of decrepit buildings and awesome murals that i'm dying to take pictures of. i want to walk around the area where i'm staying with friends and try to get these pictures before leaving. visiting new places is always such a source of inspiration.

well, except dc. we walked from georgetown into the mall today, and there was only one building i kind of wanted to take a picture of but then didn't. dc is always so grey when i'm there, and the buidlings kind of blend in with the weather. when i do see cool stuff, like boldly colored row houses, we're in the car, and i'm not yet skilled enough to get my camera set up to take pictures quickly. i was also disappointed that the national gallery didn't have a photography section. maybe that's why i was so uninspired by dc. how can the national gallery not have a photography section? i hope we just missed it, not that the gallery didn't have one. it would be too sad if the latter was the case.

but we did see this one piece composed of mussel shells glued to a square canvas. for some reason, my friend and i were both drawn to it. i loved the green paint that blotted some of the insides of the shells to give them a sense of freshness, almost invoking the smell of the ocean. also, the dark, black/grey shells in 3-dimension made me think of an industrious city - metal/steel structures that evolve into skyscrapers, dirt and grime covering surface, smoke creating a layer of grey blanket that covers the city - and the fishing industry that is threatening ocean life. the splashes of green represents to me the few trees/greenery that manage to survive in this environment, as many cities have planted trees along streets and have created small parks, and also the beautiful spots in the ocean are still untouched by the spoils of human demands. the juxtaposition of the colors and textures characterizes the struggle between nature and human creations. the irony is that human beings are nature's creations, and sometimes i think that our supposed destruction of the planet is part of nature's plan.

or it's getting late and i'm just babbling because i really need to get some sleep after a long day...

opera

b and i saw madame butterfly at the met opera last night. it was my first opera, and i loved the experience. b was only able to get standing tickets which put us about as far from the stage as possible. our standing spaces were really tight so everyone had to crowd up to their little monitors with the translations. then, about halfway through the 1st act, i almost passed out. i'm not sure if it was the crowding or if i had been a little dehydrated. i had to sit down for a while before standing back up to watch the rest of the 1st act.

during the intermission, b and i were just standing in our spots, waiting for the show to come back on. a couple came up to us and offered us their tickets. they had seats, not very far from where we were standing but seats nonetheless. i couldn't believe our luck. i wasn't sure if i would've been able to stand through the rest of the performance. they were from out of town, and one of them weren't feeling well. they were so kind in the way they approached us that i knew immediately that they weren't new yorkers. they were too chatty to be new yorkers. no offense because new yorkers can be extremely kind as well. a man standing just one person away from me on the train fainted this morning. thankfully, he came around quickly. everyone offered suggestions to let him rest and get air. a woman offered him her (unopened) bottle of water. but new yorkers won't stay around to chat. they're all in a hurry to get somewhere. these visitors took the time to ask us where we were from and talked. a new yorker would've kindly offered us the tickets and said good night.

the opera itself was stunning. the story is about as messed up as it can possibly get, loaded with social/cultural/gender complexities. the singing was incredible. the costumes were so beautiful, even from where we sat. the set was minimalist but very creative in the way the space was used. the direction was very clever. it was overall genius. i definitely want to take advantage of the cheap tickets that the new general manager has started to entice more patrons.

sur la table

i used to frequent the one in pasadena which was only a 15-minute walk from where i lived. the very first time i stepped foot in the store, i was almost ran out - there's so much stuff there that it was a little overwhelming. but i grew to love it and would walk in whenever i was going anywhere in that vicinity, even if i had no intention of buying anything. they have all sorts of kitchen gadgets and the best classic kitchenware. they also have a large selection of cookbooks - not that i ever bought any at the store, but it's a sign that they're a good place for serious cooks or those who are learning to cook. and even though they have very pricey cookware, you can find something really inventive and cheap if you look hard enough.

new york only has one sur la table, and i finally made a special trip down to soho for it. i walked in and felt intoxicated and then comforted that this was a store that i have known and loved for the past 2 years. with thanksgiving coming up, i'm going to have another excuse to visit it again.

also, my sister pulled out a cookbook tonight that's put together by her stage manager for broadway cares, an organization that helps to support the fight against aids and other chronic diseases. then, i remembered he complimented the food that i made for betty which she brings into work. what an honor. sur la table, here i come.

work

life had been consumed with work for the past few weeks. even though film production in new york is basically the same as in los angeles, there are enough differences that has made my first ny production job difficult. i've never had to deal with parking in the city before, and there were new vendors to familiarize myself with. also, working with people you've never worked with previously always makes the job tough - you have to figure out each other's strengths and weaknesses and deal with them - a matter of trust in each other's abilities. it also didn't help that we were so rushed for time while i needed to figure out how to do a lot of things. but fortunately, everyone is nice and great at their job so it's been a valuable learning experience. and even though it was difficult, it'll be short job - my last day is tuesday.

now that things have calmed, let me catch up on this blog. i visited f in brooklyn for the panamanian parade. it was really long, and we didn't stay to see all of it. but the traditional dresses were gorgeous, and the food was amazing, as f had promised. and it was really nice to meet f's mom and some of her relatives that she had grown up knowing. f and i have been friends for 10 years now (amazing to think that i'm old enough to have been friends with people for a decade!), and getting to see this side of her life for the first time was precious.

this weekend, p and d, whom i've also known for 10 years now (yikes!), were in town. it was so good to see patty who has grown up so much. she's using make-up, has a sophisticated wardrobe, and wears a chic haircut - so different from the days when she was always in jeans and sweatshirts with her ponytail. i, on the other hand, am still wearing clothes from my college days. d has grown up too, but he's still a goof-ball. we hung out with a group of d's friends, his brother, and p's cousin. almost everyone is a suit. i had been so used to hanging out with hipsters in la. when i mentioned to one of d's friends that my sister is working on her mfa, he asked, "oh, what is that? master of financial arts or something?" ironically, he recently moved here from la as well. the people i know in la pretty much all work in film or the arts in one way or another. but that's the thing about new york - everyone does something different. an la friend who had lived in nyc for a while once told me that it's very special to work in film in nyc whereas it's almost the norm in la. well, i definitely felt special, loved but special.

parallel synchronized randomness

saw the science of sleep yesterday with my friend a and my sister. i loved it - the stop-motion animation made me feel like a 6-yr-old again, looking at the world with wonder, and gael garcia bernal made me feel like a 16-yr-old with a high school crush on a boy. the blurring of dreams and reality was a little exhausting, trying to figure out whether things were really happening or just in stephane's mind. but i think the appeal was this very obscure division between reality and dreams - my life seems to resemble this dubious state. i'm not quite sure what i'm doing. everything feels kind of surreal. maybe my days would feel more solid if i gave myself more structure - a schedule of things to do everyday. but right now, being unemployed, i daydream a lot. i'm alone for most days. sometimes, the tv is on - it's been a long time since i've watched this much tv. even when i'm doing chores, they're pretty mindless work that i would imagine all sorts of things. i took the curtains to the laundromat today. as i was standing on the windowsill, taking off the curtains, i wondered if i lost my balance, threw my weight on the window, and the window popped out of the rectangles in the walls, would the glass panes and frame hold together and simply fall over the narrow space between our apartment building and the next, with the ends catching the outer walls of both buildings and keep me suspended in that narrow corridor like a bridge? or i'll fall the other way and would my reflexes be quick enough as i tip over the ledge to let me leap onto the futon for a softer landing? or would i miss and hit my head on the edge of the frame? my imagination runs a little too wild sometimes - it's probably just a sign that i'm bored. need new project.

last box

yay! unpacked my last box yesterday. i'm quite proud of myself that it's the box with my work stuff. here's the order i unpacked everything - kitchen, living room (books, cds, dvds, etc.), bedroom, and work - the order i consciously and subsconsciously prioritize my life. i have a problem of letting work take over my life. it's much easier to keep it under control right now, being unemployed, and it feels really nice to focus on taking care of myself for my wellbeing instead of other people for money. for the past couple of weeks of settling in nyc, i've been spending my days working on straightening up the apartment and doing all the chores. my sister is currently the employed member of the household so i see it as a fair deal. i think i've pretty much settled in.

last week, b and i saw the history boys. it's my first broadway play. i've seen musicals but not plays in the city. really enjoyed it even though we only got standing tickets - we stood at numbered spots at the back of the theatre for the entire show. but the play was worth it - thought-provoking story, and a cast full of cute british guys didn't hurt. looking forward to seeing more good plays - motivation to get a job soon.

new yorkers

everyone says that new yorkers are mean and rude. i never thought that was true - people are just more protective of themselves from others in big cities than in small towns. they're colder but not mean and rude. there are just more strangers you're dealing with on a day-to-day basis so it makes sense.

i was shopping in whole foods on my way home from errands. i had no intentions of going there, but it was there, in front of me - i can't say 'no' to grocery stores that i know or suspect have good yummy stuff. i strolled along the produce section (my favorite) and then the poultry section. i got a chicken and wanted to put it in a plastic bag before taking it to the register - the idea of my canvas bag soaking up raw chicken juice was a little gross. as i was starting to put the chicken into the bag, i noticed that it wasn't as good as i thought it was - the coloring wasn't as fresh as i had thought it was although it was still good. my mother just raised us to be super picky when it comes to paying for food - a bruised apple will cost as much as an unbruised apple so why pay for the bruised apple? so when i returned to the poultry aisle, there was an elderly lady, standing over the packages of chicken. i poked around the section to find a better chicken, and when i pulled out one that i liked, she commented that i had chosen a good one - it was lean and had good color. so we struck up a little conversation - she used to manage a big kitchen. i wanted to ask her where but then figured it must've been a very nice restaurant that i would have no recognition of and couldn't afford. it felt nice to connect with someone having just moved here though, even on a superficial level. it was a moment of feeling at home. not sure when i'd make it to this whole foods again since there's another one closer to where we live, but i'm definitely going to keep this one in mind.

trader joe's and adam sandler

i can't believe what a big deal it is to go to trader joe's in nyc. the check-out line snaked through the store with a girl holding a sign designating where the end is. the store is not very different from the ones in la - the biggest exception is that there's no alcohol isle - there was beer, but there's a separate trader joe's wine storefront, next to the grocery store. and i didn't see any liquor.

on our way back to our apartment, we walked in the middle of a adam sandler movie filming two buildings over from us - video village is actually just outside our building. one of the background saw our trader joe's grocery bags and asked us where it was. i'm so befuddled with the insanity that surrounds trader joe's. don't get me wrong - i love the store. but i guess it's so prevalent in la that i didn't really think of it as something to obsess over. and i had suspicion that the building the production is using today was being prepped for a show. b had mentioned that they were doing some construction in it earlier in the month, but i saw a couple of trucks the other day, one of which had grip equipment. it's almost sad that i could recognize it. maybe i should stay in film production for now - i can't seem to escape it...

stuff

how did i amass all this stuff? the down side to have had a large kitchen in la is that i have A LOT of kitchenware. the kitchen in the ny apartment is about half the size and a quarter of the cabinet space. i guess i'll have to leave some of my stuff that b already has in boxes...

with d's help and genius, my lofted bed is up. i can finally sleep in my own room tonight. went to ikea today - the closest one is not that far away - paramus, nj. about 20 minutes outside the city. the tolls make leaving and re-entering the island such a hassle though. luckily, we found the things we needed within our budget. so now, not only are there boxes to unpack but also furniture to build.

unpacking

the container with all my stuff arrived yesterday. thankfully, everything arrived in the shape that they were sent. the movers were pretty good, careful with everything. now i have to unpack. ugh. the joy of moving. didn't make much progress today...

i finally ventured out on my own. i ran some simple errands and met betty at whole foods at columbus circle yesterday - i didn't realize i had become so dependent on the grocery store until i felt myself going through withdraw, shopping at the store near our neighborhood and couldn't find a lot of items that whole foods carry. now that i have my chocolove (77% bar is the best dark chocolate i've had yet) and ciao bella sorbets, i think i can face the new environment better.